Archive for 2012

Wednesday One-Liners for Charlie Sheen

Crazy subway lady: Don't call me a bitch. JFK never called me a bitch. He didn't like that.

–Downtown C Train

Overheard by: Get me off this train

Crazy guy being led by two NYPD away from the theater: These aren't my mushrooms! I eat those things, man!

–Beacon Theater

Overheard by: Sympathetic Bystander

Crazy man to construction workers: Get stupid, motherfuckers, cause I get retarded!

–Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Chloe

Woman yelling at perfectly well-behaved dog: You're crazy!

–73rd & Central Park West

Overheard by: potatopuff


The Sisterhood Of the Traveling Wednesday One-Liners

Lady MTA cop to another: Some lady just asked me where the Big Apple is. I told her it's right over there.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Plupy

Teen girl on phone in Times Square: I'm right here, come find me. I'm underneath that one big flashing light.

–Times Square

Scruffy elderly man to his equally scruffy wife: Forty-second, forty-seventh–it's all the same shit.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Plupy

Girlfriend to another: Yeah, I was trying to tell you that I'd meet you under the neath!

–40th Street & Broadway


Wedne$day One-Liner$

Young male attorney: I like my job. It pays barely enough to keep me alive, but…

–Civil Court, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Little kid: But mom, you said we were gonna buy a piggy bank!!

–2 Train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Laughing passenger

Woman shouting down her phone: Well, of course I'm grateful for everything. But you said we were spending too much money. So I said: "well, let's not do it, then." I mean, we have six cars and you never drive the Porsche!

–Central Park West

Ghetto girl on cell: That bitch act like she got money, but she only workin at IHOP!

–Queens

Overheard by: Raven


Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Pretty Spry

Old lady to guy pushing cart with large musical instrument case on top: Hey! Do you have a dead body in there?

–8th & 6th Ave

Old man: Tighty-whiteys! Tighty-whiteys! Does anyone know where the tighty-whiteys are? (pause) If anyone sees any tighty-whiteys, let me know.

–Goodwill, Chelsea

Strung-out old lady: Call me! I'm going to church, I need to pray for all of us!

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Long-haired old guy riding bike very slowly, to no one in particular: I hate you.

–Thompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Eli