Archive for 2012

Dorothy Was Kind Of a Bitch

Boy #1: She tells me I'm the scarecrow; like, I ain't gotta brain and shit.
Boy #2: That's cold right there, yo. Her speaking the truth and all.

–4 Train

Nobody's More Antisemitic Than Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: Most people don't realize that Jews are everywhere.


Overheard by: Nina

Old lady, approaching two people with Michael's Craft store bags: You better not be a Jew, it's the Sabbath. Yeah, you shopped at Michael's, that's why you're so fat.

–97 & Columbus

20-something girl, seeing Hasidic guy get off the train: I bet that guy was dreaming about matzoh.

–L Train

Homeless man to group of girls: Anybody need a husband to take home for the night? I like to cuddle! (quietly) And I'm kosher.

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: Overheard in UWS

Mama Told Me Not to Come to This Wednesday One-Liner

Man on cell: So… I left my backpack at the private secret robot party last night… Can you pick it up for me?

–Bowery & Spring

Overheard by: Annie

MILF wannabe on cell: On the Hamptons–it has the sexiest parties I've ever been to in the United States: men come up to you! And dance… with you!

–Gansevort Rooftop

Guy on cell: So you know how I wasn't going to the Christmas party? So somebody drags me anyway, and I walk in, and those three girls–all the ones I did it with? Are together at the same table. And I'm like, "shit, man!" So I left.

–Astor Place

30-something girl: Me and my girlfriend went to the bar for an anti-valentines day party last night. You bring a picture of your ex, they rip it up, and give you a free drink!

–7th Ave & 39th

Overheard by: Carolyn

Your Wednesday One-Liners Are Sagging

Man on phone: If I took off my pants and a duck flew out still no one would give a fuck about me.

–W 4th & Mercer

Overheard by: Emlay

Girl on cell: Mom! You don't need pants to get a job!

–72nd & Columbus

Woman on cell: So she's standing in the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton without any pants on!

–8th Ave

White girl: I realized I was the only white person there so I put my pants on and left.

–83rd & 2nd

Wednesdanimal One-Liners

Suit on cell: Most people want their pets painted.

–Prince & Broadway

Drunk guy yelling at busker while being dragged away by police: You see those pigeons? All those pigeons are my lovers!

–Verdi Square

Cop to crazy dude feeding birds: You feed the birds, I'll put you in the zoo!

–Union Square Park

Bratty eight-year-old girl: Aren't there any live animals here?

–Museum of Natural History

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail

Conductor in robotic voice: Once again, humans, this is your digital conductor speaking. Step in and do not block the doorways.

–F Train

Train conductor: The next stop on this train will be the next.

–A Train

Conductor: The next station is Manhasset. Please ignore the computer man.


Overheard by: Ladle

Conductor, after train sputtered: Due to signal problems, we'll be going in a start and stop fashion. (pause) And heeere we go, ready? Ready? Aaand, there we are… (repeats several times) And next week this train will be in Great Adventure, but for now, exchange place!

–PATH Train

Overheard by: Mickey

Snoop Wednesday-One-Linergg

Girl outside of bar, to another: If I was a dog and you walked me, I would want you to put a sweater on me.

–85th St & 2nd

Overheard by: Bunni

Girl on phone, getting into taxi outside ferry: No, I don't think he's a serial killer… He adopted a dog from the animal shelter.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: V

Woman, about neighbor's noisy dog: One day I'm just going to throw poison meat over that fence.


Overheard by: John

Woman to man, about dog: Didn't he poop out a mitten once? Am I remembering that story correctly?

–85th & 2nd