Archive for 2012

The Harvey Milk School?

Teenage boy: I go to a high school!
Teenage girl: Really? I go to a magical unicorn palace!

–Westminster Rd, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sunny


Hey, It's Not Like We Date!

Girl: I never noticed that you have hair on your arm.
Gay friend: You've known me for, what, a little under a year!
Girl: No I haven't, it's only been like…10 months!
Gay friend: A little under a year.

–Q Train


You Say Tomato…

Irish girl, seeing flashing lights: Oh, look! A bar!
Brooklyn girl: No… It's the bail agency.

–Downtown Brooklyn


But Thanks, God-Haunted Stranger!

Crazy dude to girl #1: How long have you known the lord Jesus?
(no reply)
Crazy dude to girl #2
: Are you an actress?

Girl #2, laughing: No.
Crazy dude: A dancer?
Girl #2, laughing: No.
Crazy dude: Did you pledge a sorority?
Girl #2, not laughing anymore: Uh… no.
Crazy dude to girl #1, as she's walking off the train: God bless you, dear.
Girl #1: Shut up.

–C Train

Overheard by: Petey Mills


Gym Girls Will Get All Jersey Shore on Your Ass

Terrifying gym girl #1: That's it–we're excluding her from fun time.
Terrifying gym girl #2: I think she knows that.
Terrifying gym girl #1: She does not know! She does not fucking know!

–Equinox Gym, Union Square

Overheard by: Ladle


Ah, the Sounds Of Summer!

Skinny bike-riding hipster, after getting hit by a car at 3 am: Hey! What the fuck, man!?
Polish muscle jock looking out window: What?!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: You hit me, asshole!
Polish muscle jock: You in way and crossed road on light!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: I can't understand you!
Polish muscle jock: Fuck you, skinny hipster boy fag!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: Whatever, small dick Pollack! Get the fuck out of my country!
Polish muscle jock: You get out of my country!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: What!? (laughs)
Polish muscle jock, stepping out of car: You want to see my big dick!?
(skinny bike-riding hipster throws bike at car hood. Polish muscle jock steps back into car and begins to drive toward skinny bike-riding hipster)
Skinny bike-riding hipster, dodging attack and screaming
: Fuck you, pussy Pollack!

(Polish muscle jock drives away)

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn


Dorothy Was Kind Of a Bitch

Boy #1: She tells me I'm the scarecrow; like, I ain't gotta brain and shit.
Boy #2: That's cold right there, yo. Her speaking the truth and all.

–4 Train


How Much More Fucking Super Can He Get

Guy during date: Did you see the trailer for the new Superman movie?
Girl: They're making another one?
Guy: (silence)
Girl: What? Is it the same Superman?
Guy: (silence, followed by flabbergasted look on his face)

–Shake-Shack


Nobody's More Antisemitic Than Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: Most people don't realize that Jews are everywhere.

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Nina

Old lady, approaching two people with Michael's Craft store bags: You better not be a Jew, it's the Sabbath. Yeah, you shopped at Michael's, that's why you're so fat.

–97 & Columbus

20-something girl, seeing Hasidic guy get off the train: I bet that guy was dreaming about matzoh.

–L Train

Homeless man to group of girls: Anybody need a husband to take home for the night? I like to cuddle! (quietly) And I'm kosher.

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: Overheard in UWS