Archive for 2012

“UES Entitlement Crisis:” Defined

UES nanny: Come on now, we have to get ready to go.
Two-year-old girl, whining and stomping feet: Where are we going?
UES nanny: I told you this morning; we're going to take the bus to Zoe's for your play date. Don't you want to play with Zoe today?
Two-year-old girl, now waling: I don't want to take the bus, I want to take a TAXI… Taaaxiiiii!

–E. 74th & Lexington


The Harvey Milk School?

Teenage boy: I go to a high school!
Teenage girl: Really? I go to a magical unicorn palace!

–Westminster Rd, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sunny


Hey, It's Not Like We Date!

Girl: I never noticed that you have hair on your arm.
Gay friend: You've known me for, what, a little under a year!
Girl: No I haven't, it's only been like…10 months!
Gay friend: A little under a year.

–Q Train


You Say Tomato…

Irish girl, seeing flashing lights: Oh, look! A bar!
Brooklyn girl: No… It's the bail agency.

–Downtown Brooklyn


Tonight on Law and Takeout Order

Cop, stopping bicycle delivery man: Hey! You! Come over here.
Delivery man: Okay.
(nervously walks over)
Cop
: You deliver for a restaurant?

Delivery man: Yeah.
Cop: Is it still open?

–City Hall Booth


But Thanks, God-Haunted Stranger!

Crazy dude to girl #1: How long have you known the lord Jesus?
(no reply)
Crazy dude to girl #2
: Are you an actress?

Girl #2, laughing: No.
Crazy dude: A dancer?
Girl #2, laughing: No.
Crazy dude: Did you pledge a sorority?
Girl #2, not laughing anymore: Uh… no.
Crazy dude to girl #1, as she's walking off the train: God bless you, dear.
Girl #1: Shut up.

–C Train

Overheard by: Petey Mills


Gym Girls Will Get All Jersey Shore on Your Ass

Terrifying gym girl #1: That's it–we're excluding her from fun time.
Terrifying gym girl #2: I think she knows that.
Terrifying gym girl #1: She does not know! She does not fucking know!

–Equinox Gym, Union Square

Overheard by: Ladle


Ah, the Sounds Of Summer!

Skinny bike-riding hipster, after getting hit by a car at 3 am: Hey! What the fuck, man!?
Polish muscle jock looking out window: What?!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: You hit me, asshole!
Polish muscle jock: You in way and crossed road on light!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: I can't understand you!
Polish muscle jock: Fuck you, skinny hipster boy fag!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: Whatever, small dick Pollack! Get the fuck out of my country!
Polish muscle jock: You get out of my country!
Skinny bike-riding hipster: What!? (laughs)
Polish muscle jock, stepping out of car: You want to see my big dick!?
(skinny bike-riding hipster throws bike at car hood. Polish muscle jock steps back into car and begins to drive toward skinny bike-riding hipster)
Skinny bike-riding hipster, dodging attack and screaming
: Fuck you, pussy Pollack!

(Polish muscle jock drives away)

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn