Archive for 2012

Actually… (Not Safe for Work)

Girl #1: Where's my fucking pen?
Girl #2: You have a pen for fucking?

–Bard High School Queens


Mr. Tyson Seems to Have Crossed the Road

Chick #1: Guess who else is a vegan? Mike Tyson!
Chick #2: The wrestler? But he has his own chicken company!
Chick #1: Yeah, but they're not his chickens.

–Delancey & Orchard

Overheard by: Chad Elwell


You're the One Train for Me

Mentally impaired man: Hey, miss.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Hey miss, will you be my girlfriend?
Woman: (silence)
Man: Will you be my girlfriend?
Woman: (silence)
Man: I love you I love you I love you.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Will you be my girlfriend?
Woman: Leave me alone.
(he fondles her)
Woman
: Don't touch me!

Man: Hey miss, you're beautiful!

–1 Train

Overheard by: HanV


Although “Catnip Highway” Has a Nice Ring to It

Female museum employee: Catnip?
Male museum employee: Yeah, catnip. It's a plant.
Female museum employee: Oh, yeah, I knew that. Just that it sounded like a snack.
Male museum employee: Yeah, right… like in “Look, a Hershey's catnip”, huh?

–The Met

Overheard by: George Carstocea


Depends Where You Kiss 'em, Father

20-something woman: To be honest, I have kissed so many people, I am surprised I don't have herpes.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Ty


Facebook Style

Young thug kid #1: Yo, I ain't playing with you, son. I'm serious, you gonna get it!
Young thug kid #2: Nah, son. Chill, I ain't snitch on him, son. Ask Urie, he knows him better.
Urie: Nah, nigga, don't put me in this shit, nigga… but he gonna get poked.

–39th St & 47th


I'm Manic and She's Depressed

Wife to front desk nurse, pointing to man: Me and him, we're made for each other.
Husband: Yeah, because we're both a mess.

–Neurologist Office, Brooklyn