Archive for 2012

The Urban Legend Of Freelatio

Guy to friend, about teen passing by: I know this girl, and she'll suck your dick for free!
Passing teen #1: What? Eww, gross!
Passing teen #2: Really? Where?

–50th St & 8th Ave


And I've Only Been to a 7-11 Twice!

Sober girl: Well, is he cute.
Drunk girl: Yeah, he's really cute… but he's Indian.
Sober girl: You're racist!
Drunk girl: Yeah… dude, I don't read the Qur'an.

–30th & 3rd


Yet You'll Indiscriminately Sleep with Girls You Meet at Arby's?

Guy#1: Are there any reputable banking establishments where we are going?
Guy#2: What? Oh, no. It's only like steal-your-identity ATMs.
Guy#3: Plus, when you get your card back you also get the Hanta virus.
Guy#2: Fuck, just what I need! A flesh-eatin' virus!

–Uptown A Train


New York City Is a Rich Cultural Tapestry.

Drunk black girl #1: Ew!Those plaid pants are fuckin ugly.
Drunk black girl #2: (laughs)
Queer non-athlete: Excuse me!
Drunk black girl #1: Yes?
Queer: My pants are not ugly and they are not plaid! Get it right, it's madras!
Drunk black girl #1: Right… and madras is a form of plaid!
Drunk black girl #2: Haha! Dumbass.
Queer: Yeah, well you bitches are just racist!
Drunk black girl #2: What the hell does race have to do with this? You're pants are ugly. Face facts.
Queer: Cause if I was black you wouldn't have said anything!
Drunk black girls, simultaneously: If you were black you wouldn't be wearing those ugly ass pants!
(queer stomps down train car, finds a seat and sulks. Drunk white girl approaches black girls)
Drunk white girl
: Hey, guys.

Drunk black girl #1: Sup?
Drunk white girl: I feel bad, that was my friend, you know.
Drunk black girl #2: Oh. Well, you should be a good friend and tell him not to come out dressed like that.

–Crowded L Trian

Overheard by: Drunk and Laughing Friend who totally agrees


The Hora! The Hora!

Tween boy #1, after exiting TD Bank with two friends: Where do you get the money you spend?
Tween boy #2: Where do you think? My parents.
Tween boy #3: I spend my own money.
Tween boy #2: And where did you get that money?
Tween boy #3: My Bar Mitzvah. I got almost $6,000.
Tween boy #1: Damn, why am I not Jewish?
Tween boy #2: Hey, I have considered becoming Jewish just for the money!

–Montague St & Court St

Overheard by: Giggles


No Need to Get Frothy.

Teen, looking at rack of sweater vests: Hey, look–I could turn into Rick Santorum!
Mother: Yeah, but then I'd have to disown you.

–Century 21

Overheard by: Benny


…Whom We Share

Drunk male: You know your husband is totally gay, right?
Drunk female: I mean, yeah! He has a boyfriend.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Striker


Clearly You've Never Seen Carrie

Freshman guy: I'm going to take a massive… shower.
Freshman guy: Sounds like you were going to say massive shit.
Freshman girl: Girls don't shower.

–Columbia University


That Just Means You're Drugging Them Too Much

Suit #1: I really enjoy a little something in the morning before I leave for work.
Suit #2: Yeah, but for some reason the the hot chicks don't wake up early.

–6th Ave & 40th St

Overheard by: kevin