Archive for 2012

The Hora! The Hora!

Tween boy #1, after exiting TD Bank with two friends: Where do you get the money you spend?
Tween boy #2: Where do you think? My parents.
Tween boy #3: I spend my own money.
Tween boy #2: And where did you get that money?
Tween boy #3: My Bar Mitzvah. I got almost $6,000.
Tween boy #1: Damn, why am I not Jewish?
Tween boy #2: Hey, I have considered becoming Jewish just for the money!

–Montague St & Court St

Overheard by: Giggles

No Need to Get Frothy.

Teen, looking at rack of sweater vests: Hey, look–I could turn into Rick Santorum!
Mother: Yeah, but then I'd have to disown you.

–Century 21

Overheard by: Benny

…Whom We Share

Drunk male: You know your husband is totally gay, right?
Drunk female: I mean, yeah! He has a boyfriend.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Striker

Clearly You've Never Seen Carrie

Freshman guy: I'm going to take a massive… shower.
Freshman guy: Sounds like you were going to say massive shit.
Freshman girl: Girls don't shower.

–Columbia University

That Just Means You're Drugging Them Too Much

Suit #1: I really enjoy a little something in the morning before I leave for work.
Suit #2: Yeah, but for some reason the the hot chicks don't wake up early.

–6th Ave & 40th St

Overheard by: kevin

Um, Yeah, That's the Very Definition Of “Ballin'”

Stranger #1: Ooh, your daughter is so cute!
Proud mother: Thank you, she just got her very first cup of hot chocolate.
Stranger #1: Oh my gosh, that's a big deal! Do you like it honey?
Little girl: Mmm-hmm! (sips hot chocolate)
Stranger #2, at a different table: So you know you're ballin' when your first cup of hot chocolate is in the East Village at a hipster cafe where even the napkins are organic.

–East Village Cafe

I've Always Said New York Was a City Of Assholes

Husband: You fuckin crazy? I wouldn't even buy bottled water in New York. Plain fucking dirty!
Wife: Yeah. I bet you washed your funky ass this morning.
Husband: So what! Apparently everyone else smells the same.

–Times Square

Reminds Me Of Parliament

English tourist #1: Oh, shall we go into the creepy dead animal store?
English tourist #2, very seriously: Definitely.

–Outside Evolution Store, Spring St., Soho

Overheard by: Just Derek

Plus, It Upsets the Other People I Sleep With

Attractive 20-something #1: I guess some people want to keep a picture of their boyfriend on their bedside table.
Attractive 20-something #2: Not me!
Attractive 20-something #1: I know, right? It seems creepy. Like he's watching you sleep or something.

–Uptown 1 Train

What a Coincidence– I Was in the Homegirl Scouts!

Clean-cut black guy: If she messes with me I'm going to put her in a ditch.
Big-boned mixed chick: No, you're not! You're too nice for that.
Clean-cut black guy: Don't you know? I was in the thug scouts as a kid!
Big-boned mixed chick, snickering: Oh, yeah?
Clean-cut black guy, thinking wistfully: Absolutely! Our motto was “yay, yay, bitch”! My first merit badge was for being gangsta! I believe it said “I will cut you, fool” on it…

–Cambria Heights, Queens