Archive for 2012

And Don't Even Get Me Started on Peter Pansexual

Dad: "kermit frogs? You mean kermit the frog?"
Little girl: "no…(pause)… Hermit frogs."
Dad: "hermit frogs? I've never heard of them."
Little girl: "yeah! They're both a boy and a girl at the same time!"

–LaGuardia International Airport

Nobody Puts Baby Next to the Crackhead.

Crackhead boyfriend on subway, talking to random baby: Baby, how you doin' today? You like bein' a baby? I got a baby right there.
Crackhead girlfriend, completing crossword puzzle: Whas fo' lettas and is the middle of a egg? It can't be "yolk" cuz then it don't work with "wisdom" cause "yolk" don't have a "e" in it.
Crackhead boyfriend, to baby: Baby, she crazy. Crack! It's a beautiful day.

–5 train in the Bronx

Overheard by: what in the hell just happened?

…Who Are You Raping Lately?

1 coworker behind a partition: I like your new beard.
2nd coworker behind partition: Thanks, I look like a magician who rapes, I'm a rapey magician.
1 coworker: I haven't seen you in a while.

–the office building, 50th and 6th

Overheard by: pantsy

To the Smartphone, Batman!

Preppy kid to fellow preppy kids: "oh, man, I didn't realize jet li was still alive!"
Preppy friend: "who?"
Preppy kid: "you know, jet li. That asian… Karate… Guy."
Preppy friend: "you mean bruce lee?"
Preppy kid: "… No…"

–Queens-bound R Train

Overheard by: Kate

Partial Credit

Little boy #1: Can I get a what what!?
Little boy #2: What?

–116th and Lexington Ave, laundromat

Do You Enjoy Cunnilingus?

Enthusiastic girl: Hi! I'm in your class. Can we be friends?
Burn out boy: … Yeah I guess.
Enthusiastic girl: Can we study together?
Burn out boy: Sure…
Enthusiastic girl: Great! What are you doing right now?
Burn out boy: Uhh…

–Bleecker St. and Mercer St.

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Bitches Got Issues

Woman with puppy to guys on stoop: Next month we're putting her in the dog therapy program at jacobi hospital.
Guy: (taps his head) to make sure she's okay?

–Wilkinson Ave

Overheard by: francyne