Archive for 2012

I Suggest You Start With That One

20-something educated wangsta: I would like to stab the guy who's the head of the MTA. And then when I go to jail nobody would have a problem with me cuz I tell em' I stabbed the head of the MTA. In fact, they be bringin me cartons.
Friend: True dat! They be sayin “don't mess with that guy, he stabbed the head of the MTA.” You funny man.
20-something educated wangsta: Yeah, if I went to jail I'd survive cuz I be like Scheherazade.
Friend: Who?
20-something educated wangsta: You know, that girl with the 1000 Arabian Nights? I'd just tell a different joke everyday so they'd let me live.

–L Train


Just Go with the Flow, Kid.

Squeaky little kid: I have to pee…I can't open my snap… It's coming!
Mom: Tell your pee to wait until I open this!
Squeaky little kid: Pee, wait!… My pee-maker doesn't have a name. It doesn't talk.

–Barnes & Noble Restroom

Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny


God, I Miss Mom

20-something male #1: She was 6'2″ with fiery red hair… and no tits.
20-something male #2, incredulously: No. Way.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: catherine


Way to Rub Salt in My Wounds

(guy grabs salt shaker and starts sprinkling it into his macchiato instead of sugar)
Friend
: Whoa! That's the salt, not the sugar.

Guy: Oh, I just saw the shaker on the table and thought it was the sugar. (asks waitress if he can get a replacement)
Friend: The sugar's in the little jar with the spoon.
Guy: Oh.
Friend: The salt's the one that's next to the pepper.
Guy: Asshole!

–La Lanterna, MacDougal St

Overheard by: Z


So They're Something?

Black guy: Yo, you wanna know why I look at niggas like they ain't nothing?
Black guy's friend: Why, man?
Black guy: Cuz they ain't nothing!

–1 Train


Do You Find This Quote Tough to Swallow?

Hobo #1: All these damn homeless niggas just can't hold they liquor… It's not that hard to hold your liquor… (starts pulling out bottle of whiskey) All you do is take a drink (takes a huge gulp) And thassit.
Hobo #2: Damn fuckin straight. Fuckin niggas.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Christine