Archive for 2012

Stupid Tight Pants

Teenage boy #1: At what age does your dick stop growing?
Teenage boy #2: Twenty-one.
Teenage boy #1: That's good, cuz my boy said sixteen and that can't be right. My shit's only three inches…
(group of teenage boys laugh)
Teenage boy #1
: I meant five! Five!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Melissa L.

They Hadn't Met Morgan Freeman, Honey

5-year-old boy: Mommy, what does god look like?
Mother: You can't see god.
5-year-old boy, exasperated: God looks like one of these pictures!

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: Shannon Wearing

Art Deco Is Wasted on Tourists

Tourist #1: Look, the Empire State Building!
Tourist #2: Oh yeah, that's like 40 blocks north.
Suit: That's the Chrysler building.
Tourist #1: Fucking shit!

–Broadway & Church

Overheard by: Jeremy W

Many Men Dream Of Small Pussies

Little girl: Daddy, I want a kitten.
Daddy: How about I get you glasses that shrink down all cats, because ya know, kittens are just small cats.
Little girl: What?

–Bleecker St.


Preppy white girl #1: Yeah, I hate how she thinks I'm emo.
Preppy white girl #2: Dude, you are so emo!
Preppy white girl #1: If I am emo, than you are gangster.
Preppy white girl #2: What? Why? Just because sometimes I make a peace sign with my hand and say “yo”? I am calling you emo because you cry all of the time and listen to awful punk music about death!

–79th St & Park Ave

Not the Worst Literary Critique We've Ever Been Forced to Read.

Middle school boy #1: Why are you quoting Emily Dickinson?
Middle school boy #2: Who's she?
Middle school boy #1: She's a writer. Like Pride and Prejudice and stuff.
Middle school boy #3: No, that's Jane Austen.
Middle school boy #1: Shut up! I don't know what Emily Dickinson wrote! (pause) Emily Dickinson might be a boy.

–F Train

More Fallout from Sex and the City

Employee #1, seeing dirty floor: Damn, don't be wiping your ass on the floor.
Employee #2: Yo, the only place I be wiping my ass is on my man's tongue.

–Swatch, 5th Ave

Overheard by: An employee reconsidering this job.