Archive for 2012

They Hadn't Met Morgan Freeman, Honey

5-year-old boy: Mommy, what does god look like?
Mother: You can't see god.
5-year-old boy, exasperated: God looks like one of these pictures!

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: Shannon Wearing

Art Deco Is Wasted on Tourists

Tourist #1: Look, the Empire State Building!
Tourist #2: Oh yeah, that's like 40 blocks north.
Suit: That's the Chrysler building.
Tourist #1: Fucking shit!

–Broadway & Church

Overheard by: Jeremy W

Many Men Dream Of Small Pussies

Little girl: Daddy, I want a kitten.
Daddy: How about I get you glasses that shrink down all cats, because ya know, kittens are just small cats.
Little girl: What?

–Bleecker St.


Preppy white girl #1: Yeah, I hate how she thinks I'm emo.
Preppy white girl #2: Dude, you are so emo!
Preppy white girl #1: If I am emo, than you are gangster.
Preppy white girl #2: What? Why? Just because sometimes I make a peace sign with my hand and say “yo”? I am calling you emo because you cry all of the time and listen to awful punk music about death!

–79th St & Park Ave

Not the Worst Literary Critique We've Ever Been Forced to Read.

Middle school boy #1: Why are you quoting Emily Dickinson?
Middle school boy #2: Who's she?
Middle school boy #1: She's a writer. Like Pride and Prejudice and stuff.
Middle school boy #3: No, that's Jane Austen.
Middle school boy #1: Shut up! I don't know what Emily Dickinson wrote! (pause) Emily Dickinson might be a boy.

–F Train

It's “Jazz Age,” Not “Jizz Age,” by the Way

Girl #1, holding copy of The Great Gatsby: Guys, I know this isn't the original cover, but oh my god. Look at this photo. Look at this girl. This is gorgeous.
Boy: You're very loud, you know.
Girl #1: I'm sorry. I just get very excited about Fitzgerald.
Girl #2: That's okay. We all do.

–Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Angela

WWJMT: What Would Jesus Masturbate To?

Girl #1: You know James Caveziel from Angel Eyes
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, I masturbate to his picture.
Girl #2: You know that he played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ?
Girl #1: Ohmigod! I masturbate to Jesus?! I sinned!

–Q55 Bus