Archive for 2012

Um, We Live in the Same House.

Five-year-old boy: And then we learned that on Christmas Jesus died-ed, I think. Jesus likes trees and sparkly lights.
Little sister, with mouth open in shock: You have the same Christmas I do!

–Q Train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny


What a Coincidence– I Was in the Homegirl Scouts!

Clean-cut black guy: If she messes with me I'm going to put her in a ditch.
Big-boned mixed chick: No, you're not! You're too nice for that.
Clean-cut black guy: Don't you know? I was in the thug scouts as a kid!
Big-boned mixed chick, snickering: Oh, yeah?
Clean-cut black guy, thinking wistfully: Absolutely! Our motto was “yay, yay, bitch”! My first merit badge was for being gangsta! I believe it said “I will cut you, fool” on it…

–Cambria Heights, Queens


…About Me

Man: I'm really liking the bible right now.
Woman: Oh yeah? Which part?
Man: Just the stuff Jesus said.

–Metropolitan Museum


…For Instance, “Soy Estúpida”

Young woman #1: Have you eaten there before? (points to restaurant across the street)
Young woman #2: Yeah, it's pretty good. And it's all organic.
Young woman #1: That's cool.
Young woman #2: Yeah, I eat a lot of soy, and most organic stuff is made of soy.

–74th & Amsterdam Ave


Fucking Economy

Comedy ticket seller to girl in suit: Hey! Have you ever dated a communist?
Girl in suit: (ignores him)
Comedy ticket seller, louder: Hey! Have you ever dated a communist!?
Girl in suit: (ignores him)
Comedy ticket seller, muttering to himself: Damn it, another hot chick that doesn't speak English.
Girl in suit: Actually, I do, but I've been in heels for over ten hours and don't understand why dating a communist has anything to do with your attempt at comedy. (walks away)
Comedy ticket seller, muttering to himself: You might be right.

–Times Square


Walt Whitman Certainly Would Have Approved

Man #1, watching squirrel carrying a bone: What happened, Mr. Squirrel? Where's that nut you used to eat?
Man #2: He don't like nuts no more.
(they laugh)
Man #1
: He done graduated to fried chicken. Ain't no vegetarian no more.

(they laugh)
Man #1
: He spent a couple nights in the projects. Walked in with a nut, walked out with a bone.

(more laughs)

–N. Portland & Myrtle Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gregory Smith


“Nude Descending a Wednesday One-Liner”

Man to date, seriously, looking at service door next to Jackson Pollock's painting: It looks like a door or something.

–MoMA, 4th Floor

Overheard by: Eric Arévalo

Man to girlfriend: We have a lot of differences! When I say "Rubens" you think of the painter, and I think of a sandwich!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Greer Feick

Man to security guard: Excuse me, could you tell me where I can find the Mona Lisa?

–The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Asian tween gal, in breathless monologue to boy pal: So you know I want to be an anime artist. But maybe I'll have to study cartooning. Which isn't anime, but anyway. Maybe I'll have to go to art school. Because you know what they say about anime, it comes from, you know, art…

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Woman to boyfriend, in reference to Willem de Kooning's "Woman, I": It's like neon PMS.

–MoMA, 4th Floor

Overheard by: Eric Arevalo


Wednesday One-Liners Say “Fuck Seatbelts!”

Bus driver: You and your family have a blessed weekend. And remember, you are going to drink, drink a lot.

–Downtown Alliance Shuttle Bus

Overheard by: dara

Bus driver: Step to the back of the bus, please! We have coffee and jelly donuts in the back. We also have gin and tonic, only for the intelligent people who move to the back of the bus!

–M96 Crosstown Bus

Overheard by: BananaBerger

Shuttle bus driver, opening doors: Come, my people!

–Ocean Ave & Newkirk

Overheard by: Jon A.

Bus driver to friend, at intersection, in the pouring rain and bad driving conditions: This is where I got into a huge fender bender, right here in this intersection!

–S53 Bus

Overheard by: ALerns

MTA bus driver: Okay, it looks like we're going the wrong way. We'll have to get back on the BQE. This is the scenic route.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: woow


Wednesday One-Liners Are As American As Apple Pie

Chick walking briskly with male companion: I'd rather have a male, you know? They're like, "oh, it's a delicate flower!" whereas a female is like, "oh, I have that, too" and they just stick their arm in there and go to town…

–107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Gay guy to friends: The vagina is not pretty.

–50th St

Overheard by: erkala

Hipster to friend: Her pussy hair was blonde… I've never seen that before.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Lindsey

Thug on cell: It's six days into the new year, and I haven't got no pussy yet!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nathan Quattrinni

Man to woman: Engineers don't chase pussy!

–Brooklyn