Rob Schneider Sure Ain’t Funny No More

Guy: Your copy machine is out of cards.
Store dude: Yes, I’m sorry.
Guy: Can I just pay you to make copies?
Store dude: It’s out of cards, I have no way to make it work.
Guy: Can I use this one?
Store dude: That one’s just for color copies. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
Guy: You sound like a real loser.
Store dude: And yet, I’m about to complete my objective–which is to tell you to fuck off–while you still don’t have your copies. –Internet Garage, Williamsburg Overheard by: Everclear

Life Imitates… Art?

Yuppie: Do you think my neighborhood is sketchy, too?
Friend #1: Well, the part where you walk past the abandoned warehouse *is* sketchy.
Yuppie: They're building an addition. In six months, abandoned no more.
Friend #2: I hear DUMBO is hot right now.
Yuppie: You know, whenever I tell anybody I live in DUMBO, it's like that movie Zoolander, whenever Hansel comes in and they all go, “oh, Hansel's hot now.”

–High Street Train Station

Wednesday-One-Liners Get a Pacific Rim Job

Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat!

–4 train

Overheard by: LP

Cultured concert connoisseur
: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish.

–Webster Hall

Overheard by: ak

Hipster, sitting next to Asian women
: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses!

–R train, Canal St

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Hipster chick
: Asians eat the darndest things.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Lesley

Asian fag hag
: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn!

–West Village

Overheard by: megan

Asian woman suit
: I’m really just tired of being a mobster.

–Wall St & Nassau

Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl
: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop!

–44th St & Lex

Overheard by: Made my morning