Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Smell Anything

Sassy lady: Honey, she so lazy… She too lazy to fart, she so lazy!

–Celebrity Jeopardy taping, Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: Lady Sean Connery Wannabe

Man holding ‘Hungry Jew’ sign: Hey, ladies, need a boy-toy? I just farted.

–Lincoln Center

Ghetto Asian teen: Nigga, my farts smell like daisies.

–68th & 1st

Class act: Damn! I got gas like a mo-fo, and this cough ain’t helping.

–Escalator, 59th St subway station

Five-year-old girl to father: Ha, ha! I farted on you!

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Steve

…Where I Went to School.

Spanish guy to American woman in cafe: Oh, this music is so great, so sad… Do you know it? It's a fado.
American woman: Oh, that's nice, where's it from?
Spanish guy: From Portugal, have you ever been there?
American woman: No, I've never been anywhere south of Texas.

–East Village


Wednesday One-Liners Carry Razor Blades and a Mirror

Thug on cell: Will I accept payment in what? In coke? Fuck no, I won’t accept an eight-ball as payment. No. No way, bitch, I don’t care how pure it is. Uh-uh, the only coke I do comes in five dollar rocks. I can’t afford to get hooked on that expensive shit. –49th & 7th Oveheard by: Prefers the expensive shit Drunk guy, to his date: The reason I’m buying all of this coke is so that we can fuck. –6th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Danielle Girl: Can you imagine saying your vows when you’re that coked up? –Remsen St, Brooklyn Heights Party girl: Oh my God, she took a picture of me one time while I was doing a line, and I was, like, so pissed! –Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park Dude: America runs on cocaine. –W Broadway Overheard by: ritajones Goth chick: I just want to buy some fucking groceries so we don’t spend all our money on coke. –Whole Foods, 14th St