A Meeting Of the United Underminers' Union

Loud girl: Okay, so what the hell did you do to your eyebrows?! They're so sparse and choppy! I don't even know how to get eyebrows to look like that! All I know is that they certainly didn't look like that yesterday. I mean, did you take scissors to them or something? I can't stop staring at them.
Meek girl, frantically scrambling for mirror in purse: I… don't know, I mean I plucked them a little! Oh my God!
Loud girl: No… they look great, relax.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Susan

Even If I Am Itching to Get Laid.

Girl #1: So did you end up hooking up with that on your birthday?
Girl #2: No. I realized the risk wasn't worth it. Birthday or no birthday, I don't know where he's been.
Girl #1: Soooo true!
Girl #2: Besides, I don't think the sex would have been that good anyway.
Girl #1: Yeah, he doesn't look like he'd be that good in bed. Definitely not worth the risk of contracting herpes.
Girl #2: Definitely not.

–Beauty Bar, 14th & 3rd

Starbucks: Where Six of One is Not a Half-Dozen of the Other

Employee: Ma’am, can I help you?
Woman: I’d like a half dozen of your chocolate chip cookies.
Employee: We only sell them, like, 1, 2, 3…
Woman to friend: Is she serious?
Friend: She’ll take 6.

–Starbucks, Rockefeller Center Concourse

And Wash It Down With About Half a Liter of My Trainer’s Semen

Jacked gay guy #1: I’m feeling a little sick.
Jacked gay guy #2: Have you been eating enough?
Jacked gay guy #1: Well…I think so?
Jacked gay guy #2: Whenever I feel like I’m getting sick, I eat a lot. I just stuff myself like a pig. That way I’m making sure I get in all my nutrients.
Jacked gay guy #1: Oh, yeah, that’s a really good idea!

–Saigon Grill

Overheard by: i’ll have what they’re having…