…Mostly Avoiding Their Work

Guy: There's a lot of people walking around!
Girl, pointing out the obvious: It's… It's a university. There's always a lot of people.

–NYU


Nah, She’s Faking the Hysteria, Too

Boyfriend: I’m sorry, I just can’t be with you anymore. You’re too clingy.
Girlfriend: I’m not clingy! I fucked, like, ten other guys!
Boyfriend: While we were dating?
Girlfriend: Whatever, it was because you’re not that good in bed. Oh, yeah, I faked all my orgasms, by the way. And my boobs? –Aren’t water balloons!
Boyfriend: Dude. First of all, we’re on a motherfucking-packed subway. Second of all, being a crazy bitch isn’t going to help your case.
Girlfriend starts crying hysterically: You can’t break up with me! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stranger, to boyfriend: If you’re thinking of killing yourself after this, I sell knives.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t in New York — That’s for Sure

20-ish woman on cell: I know it’s illegal in most states, but I thought it would be okay in Arizona…

–Central Park

Overheard by: aaron milner

Teacher: You guys might notice that I have some issues with Louisiana. I mean, it’s a great place and all, as long as you don’t get mugged or walk into a drug deal. I did that and then they followed me into a Rite Aid, and I was like, ‘Fuck, I’m gonna get stabbed on my last day here.’

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Hot girl on cell: She moved to Oklahoma? People don’t go to Oklahoma — people are from Oklahoma!

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: from Texas

Hipster: Her parents are the only democrats in Colorado.

–E 86th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Woman on cell: Girl. what state you said you in? North Carolina?! That’s a big-ass fuckin’ state! … Shit, North Carolina is a big fuckin’ state — they got mad people… North Carolina is fuckin’ big… You need to get the fuck out of there.

–J train

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, but he’s from, like, gross Connecticut.

–49th & 6th

Overheard by: Scarfish

Conductor: We’re on the looong Alabama road. I’m glad you’re all aboard.

–Manhattan-bound Q train

The Pot Calling the Kettle “Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy on cell: And this guy wasn't saying anything, I mean he had nothing to say, nothing… He didn't say anything, he just kept talking, but he wasn't saying anything… It was all just, talk-talk-talk but nothing, I couldn't take it, talking and talking and talking and talking and nothing, nothing, nothing at all to say about anything, endless mindless talking and not saying a word. I mean, how could anyone do just talk about nothing…

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Ziggy

Teen boyfriend to teen girlfriend: Quit fucking swearing at me. It's disrespectful!

–19th St & 8th Ave

Woman: Watch what you're fucking doing. I have a little kid with me. You push me, motherfucker, and I'll punch you in the face.

–Very Crowded 4 Train

Overheard by: Sarah

Indignant chick to friend: Bitch, you is stupid!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to young daughters: If someone hits you, you hit them as hard as you can in their face. (the two young girls start hitting each other) Don't hit!

–DUMBO


Wednesday One-Liners Are the New Normal

Young woman to female friend: So I said, "if you can't be normal all the time, I can't be with you."

–W 19th St

Overheard by: Michael

Mom to five-year-old climbing on railing: Yo, why you don't know how to juss sit down and chill like normal people? Sit yo-ass down, an chill!

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: rick

Tourist mom reading sign, to daughter: "Next to normal". Ha, that's nowhere near where we are!

–Shubert Alley

Older new-agey lady: One of my massage therapists is Buddhist. Actually, they're both Buddhist. But they're normal, you know, regular people… They're not Asian."

–Astor Place

Older sister to 12-year-old boy grunting like a pig and headbutting her: No biting! No nipping! Just… Normal?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Katherine Wallace