Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

High Colonic Wednesday One-Liners

Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Jared

Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: tin steve

Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…

–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square

Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.

–2 train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Brett

Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.

–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx

Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.

–Hoboken PATH Station

Overheard by: Seph

Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo