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I Just Like Getting On My Knees Five Times A Day
Hairdresser #1: So, you're a practicing Muslim?
Hairdresser #2: Yep.
Hairdresser #1: So, do Muslims pray to God, or Mohammed, or both?
Hairdresser #2: I don't really get into the details.
--East 19th St & Ave R, Brooklyn
Overheard by: brooklyn blonde
Headline by: ilemanzer
Runners-Up:
· "I pray to Allah Updo and Crewcut Christ" - katcob
· "I'm just into the hating Jews part." - DaveO
· "I'm more about the accessories" - Ty
· "Islam is in-er than Thai ladyboys this season." - eyp
· "Neither does the President." - Becca
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I'm not looking at you. Your bored son is masturbating.
Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he's dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I'm bored.
Mother: He's always bored. I must've been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father's knee and starts humping.] I'm bored, I'm bored[yawns], I'm bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn't look boring like you.
--Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: That guy on the F Train
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· "Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?" - Shawn
· "Most Priests Aren't That Exciting" - Brock
· "They Don't Call It the F Train for Nothing" - Sean McGurr
· "This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring" - Sim Etrias
· "Try the Middle Leg....it's Less Boring" - nicky c.
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
'Cause My Body So Breadilicious
Homeless man: You need to pray to Jesus everyday. Do you thank Jesus for your food or your family or the newspaper? The devil is killing you through newspapers and the media. Are you thankful to Jesus? He loves you if you talk to him everyday.
Queer: I would be thankful to Jesus if you would stop shouting in my ear so I can listen to Beyonce's newest album.
--N train
Overheard by: Brina Guild
Headline by: kempadimes
Runners-Up:
· "Is my Savior too bootylicious?" - Mdaneman
· "Jesulicious" - Mark Schilsky
· "Jesus loves me, this I know. A fucking hobo tells me so." - Extra Character
· "Jesus saves souls, not careers" - Megan
· "Some messiahs are so high-maintenance" - N. A. Cargo
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
When Jesus Met Mary Magdalene
Chick: I just don't really like running through the Hasidic neighborhoods in my sports bra...
Guy: Uh-huh.
Chick: It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Guy: Yeah.
Chick: So I don't think I'm going to do that anymore.
--Bogart & Moore St, Bushwick
Overheard by: Erin
Headline by: TWWS
Runners-Up:
· "But I'm Still Wearing My Swastika Thong." - Craig should be working
· "Do I, Uh, Know You?" - clash
· "I Didn't Hear Anything but 'bra'" - 6th Floor Blogger
· "I'll Try Yarmulke Pasties Instead" - Katie
· "Too Many Guys Trying to Challah at Me" - Rottin' in Denmark
· "Topless It Is" - Sean McGurr
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Just shut up and keep selling that crack
Little girl: Mommy, can we steal these?
Mother: Not today.
--N train
Overheard by: Shannon
Headline by: chris s.
Runners-Up:
· "Daddy and Timmy Take Mondays" - torqued
· "Monday's Child Is Fair Of Face, Tuesday's Child Robs the Place" - h
· "Remember, Rape First, Then Pillage." - Kristen
· "Today, Mommy's Going to Teach You How to Turn Tricks!" - jane
· "We're Just Casing The Joint Today, Sweetie" - Paul K.
· "When Winona Learned Not to Ask" - Tory
· "Would You Pay Attention to the Calendar I Gave You?" - sr86
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Barbara Bush Is So Fucking Self-righteous
Little girl seeing naked cowgirl: Mommy, how come I can see that lady's boobies?
Mommy: Well, she's letting everybody know it's okay to breast feed.
--46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chadwick Vogel
Headline by: mbobbinson
Runners-Up:
· "...for Tips" - Melissa
· "And Why Did Daddy Just Walk Into a Pole?" - TJ
· "Her Thong Lets Everyone Know Tips Are Appreciated" - Dangello
· "How Come I Can See Her Vagina?" - Peter Madsen
· "Later, She'll Ride the Mechanical Bull and Serve Us Milkshakes" - Dawn Elizabeth
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
If These Balls Could Talk, They'd Say the Same Thing
Angry chick: I am so mad at you right now!
Boyfriend: Sorry, babe. It's not my fault you're still on your period.
Angry chick: I wasn't talking to you, Jake*, I was talking to my ovaries.
--Morton St
Overheard by: these walls are paperthin
Headline by: Damo
Runners-Up:
· "I Apologize for Ovaryacting" - Katherine Duke
· "Quiet! We're Trying to Decide Whether or Not We're Going to Trap You into Marrying Us." - Kara
· "The Whore Moans" - Stephanie L
· "You Could Always Get Rid of Them, and Earn 19 More Cents An Hour" - Kristen
· "You could have prevented this if you stopped wearing that damn condom." - Josh H
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I'd prefer if you just held me, like all the other times
Hobo: Let me sit in your lap and belch like a naughty girl!
Young man: Okay, now I'm freaked out.
--23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Zed
Headline by: tab
Runners-Up:
· "But That's Just The Acid. Have A Seat!" - Lalaith
· "But Not Sufficiently So to Decline Your Generous Offer" - andy
· "Dad, Im Getting to Old for That!!" - not again!
· "Go Home, Britney." - EKC
· "It Sucks to Be New York Santa" - aileen
· "Please Go Back to Humping My Leg." - Dennis
· "The Fairy God Hobo Can Make All Your Dreams Come True..." - Uulargh of the Prairie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
So, what are you wearing to the 'Schindler's List' party?
Guy: What is that?
Guy with net: One of those nets for cleaning out pools.
Guy: Let me guess. Pool boy costume? Porn-theme party?
Guy with net: Wow, yeah.
Guy: Been there.
--Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Argopelter
Headline by: Gary
Runners-Up:
· "And That's How Me and Your Other Father Met, Timmy." - Chris
· "Another Touching Father-Son Moment Brought To You By Wicked Entertainment" - Existance is Futile
· "I was just delivering pizza, but they asked me in, and, wow!" - Wasn't invited
· "I'm not really black - this is toner from the "copier" scene" - Tom Dorey
· "Kato Kaelin: Career Counselor at Large" - Charlie
· "Of Course, I Just Bent Over and Went as a Life Preserver" - Keith
· "Porn theme party? I think I'll just come in my jeans." - Effing and Blinding
· "Really? You were an altar boy at St. Mark's, too?!" - Dave
· "Ron Jeremy's Sixth Sense" - s h
· "Watch out for a guy dressed as a milkman. He's bad news" - gravy
· "When he was 6 years old, and watching his mother from the window..." - Nathan
· "Yeah, I went all out and got my CPR card." - SNA
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
If They Were Designer Genital Warts, I'd Reconsider...
Chick #1: What's wrong, sweetie?
Chick #2: Well, for the past few weeks I've had... [lowers voice] genital warts.
Chick #1: Oh my god, sweetie. I'm so sorry. [Goes to hug friend, then stops] Oh, wait. We probably shouldn't touch.
--Knockoff purse stall, Chinatown
Overheard by: Kelly
Headline by: Mike Chmiel
Runners-Up:
· "Don't worry - circle, circle, dot, dot takes care of everything" - Melissa
· "I probably shouldn't be sleeping with your boyfriend either." - Rachel
· "Or we could just not hug with our vaginas" - Matt
· "We also should avoid rubbing our genitals on the same doorknob" - Mdan
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
So Get Off My Foot and Find Things That Actually Deserve to Be Crushed
Angry, sweaty man pushing through crowd: Come on, move in! There's a lot of room in the middle!
Calm man: There's also a lot of dreams in this world.
--2 train, 34th St
Overheard by: mf
Headline by: CVK
Runners-Up:
· "The Buddha Grows Up" - Barry P.
· "Both Require That Someone Else Gives a Fuck" - Rick Felice
· "Crowds to the Left Of Me, Dreamers to the Right, Here I Am" - Golf Widow
· "The Alternative Martin Luther King Speech" - Peter Madsen
· "Well, Get Them the Hell Out Of My Way!" - Jo
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Mommy Queerest
Girl #1: I'm not going with you.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: I have to go home and cook for lesbians.
Girl #2: Oh, your mom?
--Times Square
Overheard by: From now on this is my excuse for everything
Headline by: Mandi
Runners-Up:
· "But Don't They Usually Eat Out?" - Hobo Whisperer
· "I Think I'll Make Dyke L'Orange" - Peter
· "If I dont do it, dad will do it, and she's a lousy cook." - Extra Character
· "Ohhhh Pllllllease.... She licked your pussy once... ONCE!" - Mike Chmiel
· "Pass the Cunnilinguini" - I'm not gross in real life
· "They'd be happy with a box lunch" - Flem
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
This Is Worse Than That Time He Pooped Out Those Kittens
Black girl: I can't believe we just went to the hospital to find out that your cat has no sex.
White girl: What?
Black girl, louder: That your cat has no sex!
White girl: Oh, yeah! I can't believe my male cat has no penis!
--3 train
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: Garrett Berg
Runners-Up:
· "Cat: Why don't you just announce it to the whole goddamn train!" - morgz
· "Garfield and the angry itch" - jeff
· "I think I'll call him Neuter Gingrich" - SNA
· "The Penis Makes the Pussy" - Adam
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Five minutes later their car was stolen.
Cop #1: We wouldn't have so much crime here if Law & Order was set somewhere else. I mean, they're just giving people ideas, and making them think it's entertaining.
Cop #2: Uh huh. And the show also makes people think the force is full of skilled, competent officers.
Cop #1: I guess I object to that, too.--John's Pizza, Bleecker StOverheard by: Jebediah
Headline by: Nick
Runners-Up:
· "As Do The Tourists Who Expect Him to Help When They're Being Mugged" - Sinead
· "But The Worst Part Is, When Lenny Makes A Joke About A Corpse Everyone Thinks It's Adorable, But When I Do It I Get Some Bitch Widow Calling Me Insensitive" - Kate
· "His remote's in his holster and his TV is broken." - Nick
· "I guess Vincent D'Onofrio is skilled, if by skilled you mean unbearable to watch" - that guy
· "I'm more of a Village People Cop than a Law & Order Cop" - ak
· "If the Sci-Fi Channel folded, we wouldn't have so many alien invasions, either" - Matthew
· "If they brought back Cop Rock, this job would be a cake walk" - tony ska
· "It's moments like these that make me wish I was set somewher else" - Jenina
· "Wow I was always saying that wrong. So it's *Life* imitates *Art*?" - srednivashtar
· "You should have seen this town when "Naked City" was on." - J. A. G.
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Please Let Go of Your Crotch, Larry
TV: 'It's official -- Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency...'
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don't know... I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent -- you think a woman can handle that?
--Montefiore Medical Center
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· "At least we knew Monica could handle a big load" - Roxi
· "I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas." - Mikie
· "If she can't handle the small "jobs" at home..." - Kenneth
· "Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that." - bella
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Enough to Be Greedy, but Not Enough to Feel Guilty about It
Chick #1: Sometimes I wonder if my Jewishness has more to do with living in New York.
Chick #2: I totally know what you mean. Like, how Jewish would we be in California?
--7th St, between 1st & Ave A
Headline by: Kevin
Runners-Up:
· "Fantastic Goyage" - j3rry
· "I Think More Than Madonna, Less Than Jesus" - alex gherardi
· "Like, Do These Tefillin, Like, Make My Wig Look Fat?" - Herbie McHebrew
· "Putting the El-Al in LA" - kerm
· "We Still Wouldn't Swallow, but We'd Spit Cooler" - RaindanceRichard
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Because Technically, White Is Just the Absence of Race
Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It's the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people...
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don't count!
--6 train
Overheard by: JS
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· "Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti" - madfigs
· "Just Like Proper Grammar." - Jo
· "The Original 'I Have a Dream' Speech..." - Rahul Advani
· "White People: They Can Do That?" - Kiki Malibu
· "White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing" - s h
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
This nigga on Overheard
Thug #1: We don't even go to the movies or nothin'. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin'.
Thug #2: That's where it's at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li'l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin' serious. That li'l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!
--Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna
Headline by: ja
Runners-Up:
· "...And "To Catch A Predator"" - Stuck in the MidWest
· "He Comes Over for Some Pipin' Too." - Courtney
· "I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth." - Snark Sloper
· "That Li'l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li'l Nigga Gots None." - johnnyb
· "The Nucular Family" - Bill
· "The Waltons, 2007" - G'night, John Boy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Sugar and Spice and Everything Ripe
Teen boy: You know, some guys think it's cute when a girl farts.
Teen girl: That's only until they smell it.
--1 train
Overheard by: anna
Headline by: jay
Runners-Up:
· "Dr. Strangelove or How I learned not to worry and love the bomb." - Pavel
· "Find skidmarks in her panties and you've found a keeper" - Girls don't do #2
· "Smells like teen sphincter" - Leon
· "Then they just get jealous." - Peacock
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Smart Genes? No, Those Are in the Wash Today.
Mother: Which side do we get out on?
12-Year-Old daughter: Whatever door opens, Mom.
Mother: Yeah, but both doors say they'll open.
12-Year-Old daughter: Just get out on the side with the platform, Mom.--LIRROverheard by: vick
Headline by: Spotty Muldoon
Runners-Up:
· "Dad Went to Harvard; Mom Went to Nassau Community" - bri b
· "God Never Closes a Door Without Confusing a Mother" - Eamon
· "Mind the Generation Gap" - d f
· "Must Be as Smart as This Door to Enter the City" - Amy Stephenson
· "Not a Throw Momma From The Train Fan" - John P.
· "The Other Side Is For the Tourists" - Andrea P
· "Twelve-Year-Old Finally Tells Mom Where to Get Off" - Vince Johnson
· "When She Was Pregnant, She Asked the Fetus Which Hole It Would Come Out Of" - janey
· "Wile E. Coyote Needed This Kind of Help" - DC Wonk
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Liv Tyler: Tell Me about It
Doctor #1, about Norah Jones: Did you know her father is Ravi Shankar?
Doctor #2: Her mother must be extremely good-looking.
--Doctors' lounge, St. Vincent's Hospital
Overheard by: Danny D
Headline by: s h
Runners-Up:
· "And we know why she didn't come." - Offbalance
· "Nip, Tuck, or Genetic Luck?" - Iconny
· "Or Maybe It's Just that When You Multiply a Negative by a Negative, You End Up With a Positive" - Vasyl
· "Sex and the Sitar" - nicky c
· "The Good, the Bad, and the Ravi" - Riley
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
She Puts the "Pat" in Patent Law Class
Girl #1: Uh... This is the women's restroom, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: This is the women's restroom, right?
Girl #2: Yeah. Why?
Girl #1: There was just a guy in here!
Girl #3: No... that's a woman.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #3: Yeah, she's in my class.
--NYU
Headline by: Brady
Runners-Up:
· "Does She Always Stand While She Pees?" - Hobo Whisperer
· "Hermaphrodites 101" - Sami
· "Janet Reno: The College Years" - International Man of Leisure
· "Just because I'm washing my hands, doesn't mean I can't hear you." - aaron Stephenson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
The Greek-house effect.
Frat boy #1: It's so f-in' cold in here.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, where's the global warming when you need it?
--Subway restaurant near Wall St
Headline by: Dave Faith
Runners-Up:
· "Dubya's College Years Were Ripe With Wit" - Katie
· "It's Busy Killing Your Grandchildren" - bowloftoast
· "It's Busy Melting the Pounds Off Jared" - David Bowers
· "It's Truly Inconvenient" - Nicolbee
· "Just wait a few years and it'll be wireless" - karl
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
And tucking my dick and balls
Girl #1: So I hear you're single again.
Girl #2: Yeah, it's great. I can stop shaving my ass!--Outside Starbucks, Times Square
Headline by: Marsha Mellow
Runners-Up:
· "Donkey Breathes Sigh of Relief" - Mike Curry
· "Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Shorn" - Adrianne
· "It was the happiest day of Mother Teresa's life." - Dave
· "Oh, good, Oprah is back on the market!" - Anna
· "So easy, even a caveman can do it!" - waxes!
· "When she's dating again she'll cut it all off and donate it to cancer victims" - Peter B
· "You're Not Gonna Stop Shaving Mine, Are You?" - Trey Jackson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Just Call Me Whore-ence Nightingale
Chick to distraught girl in bathroom stall: Hey, yo, girl -- I fucked the bouncer, so I could get you some water if you need it.
--Off the Wagon, MacDougal St
Headline by: Hellespont
Runners-Up:
· "I also fucked your boyfriend, maybe I could talk him into taking you back" - Rudeboy
· "If you need a sandwich i'm gonna need a condom" - Chris
· "Mother Teresa; The Early Years" - rose
· "Skanks Develop New Currency in Response to Global Warming" - ilemanzer
· "So That's Why They Call it Tap Water" - Jeff St Real
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I Found the Hole, Looked Inside and Found My Dignity, All Pale and Wrinkled
Coworker #1: Man, last night was a big night. I don't even remember what happened after two. I woke up next to a half-eaten pizza.
Coworker #2: Yeah, I woke up next to a half-inflated blow-up doll. I had to submerge her in water in the morning to find the hole.
--Bar, LES
Headline by: like an albino shame-raisen
Runners-Up:
· "Between Latex and Pepperoni Lies Inebriation. By Calvin Klein" - Dan
· "He Was a Sharp One." - C-in-OH
· "Just Like When I Lost My Virginity, Except This Time I Didn't Kill Her" - Silverfish
· "Pies and Dolls" - Mikkel Hundewadt-Jensen
· "Star Trek Convention: The Morning After" - nicky c.
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Puts the 'Narc' in Narcissism
Girl looking in mirror: You know what? I would make a really good-looking crack whore.
Boy: What? ... Probably.
--Weinstein Residence Hall, NYU
Overheard by: Emily
Headline by: Ethan
Runners-Up:
· "All he heard was "whore"" - Marigumi
· "Holding the mirror between her legs" - anne nahm
· "I'll agree with whatever gets me laid" - Dustin
· "Lose a few teef, add a few bruises, I be shinin'" - Dingolite
· "This Is Your Brain on Uggs" - NK
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Who Rides in a Short Bus under the Sea?
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yeah, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?!
Kid #2: Yes, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yes! Seriously! Gosh, you're acting like SpongeBob!
--St. Catherine's Elementary, Brooklyn
Overheard by: rpk
Headline by: Rock Bottom
Runners-Up:
· "...or Alberto Gonzalez under Oath." - JC
· "Actual Script from Laguna Beach" - Jeremy
· "Dude, You've Been Watching Too Much SquarePant's Anatomy" - Breanne S.
· "How Serious Can Spongebob Be If Spongebob Could Be Serious?" - Philip
· "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - Test Campaign #34" - Paul Sheiman
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
And He Always Explodes Too Soon
Cute blonde: So, I thought I might like him, and we went on some fun dates, but then he shaved his head and now I can't go out with him.
Friend: Wait -- what's wrong with him shaving his head?
Cute blonde: Well, nothing in theory, but now he looks like a terrorist.
--116th & Broadway
Overheard by: uptown girl
Headline by: Sarah K
Runners-Up:
· "...Or Ghandi, Whichever." - Johnny
· "And He Wants Me to Call Him Britney in Bed" - Sim Etrias
· "And the Anthrax in His Apartment Is No Picnic Either" - Naked Lunch
· "Oh, Whew... I Thought You Said, "tourist"" - Rhadamanthus
· "Plus, I Wouldn't Qualify As One Of His 72 Virgins" - MarioRPG
· "Racial Profiling Is So Hot Right Now" - Fran
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Unlike Chinese Guys, Where You Have One and You're Hungry 30 Minutes Later
Guy in truck: I'm Italian!
Girl wearing 'I Love Italian Guys' t-shirt: Yeah, go kill yourself! I get that all day!
--58th St
Overheard by: Scottyboy
Headline by: Abartig
Runners-Up:
· ""So, do you have any Italian in ya? You want some?"" - erak
· "Because the "Putana Facile" T-shirt was not working." - cristina
· "But I'm not "in" love with them" - Marc
· "Her "I Fuck Jews" T-shirt Also Sends Mixed Signals" - s h
· "She knows a real Italian will just try to rape her" - cornelious
· "Sibyl: The Dating Years" - Sara
· "The "I love my daddy" t-shirt was even less fun." - Defies Gravity
· "This passes for courtship in New Jersey" - Amanda
· "Veni, vidi, vd" - em
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Plus, She's Deaf. And German.
Man: I'm thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife's grandmother.
Lady: That's cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don't think I will. She's old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it.
--E 19th & Park Ave South
Headline by: boyhowdy
Runners-Up:
· "Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex" - Trey Jackson
· "But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing..." - wvs
· "Come to Think Of It, Maybe We'll Stop Feeding Her, Too." - Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· "He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live" - Gaijin
· "Man, Fuck Old People." - RaRa
· "She Can't Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife's 14." - RaRa
· "THAT'S for Pearl Harbor" - Daniel Patterson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
It Smells That Way 'Cuz St. Peter Was a Fisherman
Little Girl: Mommy, where is heaven?
Ghetto Mommy: Right around the corner from my ass.--Astoria BlvdOverheard by: Meg
Headline by: Jim
Runners-Up:
· "A Little 'Piece' of Heaven" - Mistress Squidia
· "And on the 28th Day, There Came a Rain of Blood From Heaven..." - smo
· "Cleveland, However, Is Closer to the Armpit." - Paul Nielsen
· "From Rear to Eternity" - ilemanzer
· "Heaven i'taint." - Lee
· "Holy Shit" - lounamaa
· "I Don't Think That's What Carrie Underwood Meant When She Sang: 'I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven'" - Jenny
· "Must Be a ZoroASStrian" - John P.
· "Sample Curriculum from the Sunday School Taught by Mary Kay Letourneau" - steph
· "Suprisingly, More People Get into Heaven Than You're Led to Believe in Church." - J.C.
· "Then How Can Godliness Be Next to Cleanliness?" - kelynsh
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Mother Nature Gets Her Period
Woman #1: Don't step on those leaves!
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: This is why I don't come to Manhattan -- all these goddamn trees. I hate leaves.
--Grand & Essex
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: Gunther
Runners-Up:
· "But I Love the Black Gum Splotches On The Sidewalk" - Naked Lunch
· "Hobos, on the Other Hand, Are Manhattan's Welcome Mat" - Kristin
· "In Jersey We Don't Have to Put Up with This Crap" - PeterG
· "There's Nothing a New Yorker Won't Hate" - Volante
· "This Is Why I Hate Leaving the Bunker." - sweetchuck
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
It's Still Not Going to Convince the U.S. Government to Make Them a Real State.
Black teen: So, what you say your name was?
Hispanic teen: Irving.
Black teen: Irving? How you be Puerto Rican and have a name like 'Irving'? Hi, my name's Irving... That's fucked up.
Hispanic teen: Yeah, Puerto Ricans name their kids some crazy shit.
--4 train
Overheard by: Oy-ving
Headline by: not irving
Runners-Up:
· "Anyway, I Be Seein' You, LaQuan." - Mysteron
· "At Least He Can Pronounce His" - Krisztina
· "Because Getting Your Ass Kicked in Elementary School Makes You Stronger" - cda
· "Don't You Agree, Daquanjalomarterius?" - Karyn
· "Kind Of Like Being Named After the Car You Were Conceived In, Corolla." - Gunther
· "Yeah, If I Had Your Parents, My Name Would Be Anferny..." - BG
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Jim Henson's Charles Manson Babies!
Little boy stabbing balloon man with a balloon sword: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Balloon man: Goodbye! Be good, everyone!
Little boy, still stabbing: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
--Central Park
Overheard by: Rick Felice
Headline by: Matthew
Runners-Up:
· "And if that doesn't do it, I challenge you to water pistols at dawn!" - Cynthia
· "Except you, kid. You go fuck yourself." - ImmaculatePizza
· "He Who Lives By The Balloon..." - Hobo Whisperer
· "You too, Brutus." - Aeirlys
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Hillary Knows How To Host a Re-election Party
Girl #1: Remember at that party when that stripper picked up a dollar bill with her pussy lips?
Girl #2: Ohhh, yeah -- that wasn't a stripper. That was a full-on whore.
--77th & 1st
Overheard by: mjg
Headline by: clink
Runners-Up:
· "... and It Wasn't a Dollar Bill. That Was a Full-on Penis" - Caro
· "America DOES Have Talent" - Staci Lynn
· "Because I Saw That Thing Give Change" - nicky c.
· "But We Call Her Aunt Gladys" - Mark Paul
· "I Was Just Shocked She Did It through Her Jeans." - SAtCW
· "Kind Of Like the Difference Between Maury Povich and Springer" - alana landa
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Wanna Buy a Bridge?
Old man picks loose string off back of woman's coat: You've got something there... Ah, now you're perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you'll believe anything.
--Stromboli's Pizza, St. Mark's & 1st Ave
Overheard by: shankalicious
Headline by: greg
Runners-Up:
· "Like Creationism..." - Drew
· "Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer" - Zorak
· "On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer" - Wes Mantooth
· "Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening" - Chris
· "That's What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too" - fritzy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Tourists on Trains and Snakes on Planes
Teen boy tourist #1: Okay, finally we're on the damn train.
Teen boy tourist #2: Yeah, for real. Take forever, god!
Teen boy tourist #1: Hey, you know, those people lied to us! They said we can take the N, but this one is going to 14th Street, too. I read the map.
Teen boy tourist #2: Why did they lie to us?
Teen boy tourist #1: Probably because we were acting like such tourists. That's probably what they do, just stand in the subway waiting to prey on confused tourist kids.
Teen boy tourist #2: We should get some iPods. That would fix it.
Teen boy tourist #1: Why would that fix it?
Teen boy tourist #2: Look around. I count five people on this train with iPods. They make you look 'New York.'
--Downtown W train
Overheard by: The N would have gotten you there faster...
Headline by: Sean Boudreau
Runners-Up:
· "But the fold up maps make us look like we're from Jersey." - Jeff
· "For every ipod in the subway, apple kills a tourist" - monkey
· "Know What Else Is Authentic? Gunshot Wounds" - J.M. Berger
· "Losing The "God Hates Fags" Shirts Would Also Help" - miss c
· "New York: Uhh, Lose Ten Pounds, Convert to Judaism, and Maybe We'll Talk" - salute deez nuts
· "Nobody tell them about the secret handshake" - Destroyer
· "Sure, you can buy the ipod, but the disaffected stare can only be acquired from years of indifference" - morgz
· "That look isn't new york, it's contempt" - squirrel
· "You can keep them