Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
B & T (Best Of) All Categories > People > B & T
Recent | Best Of
Now Recruiting: Army of Trashed Spies
Drunk Jersey girl #1: I can never submit anything to Overheard in New York
Drunk Jersey girl #2: Why not? You're in New York more than you're in Jersey.
Drunk Jersey girl #1: Yeah but by the time I get home I'm drunk and I forget what I heard.
Drunk Jersey girl #2: You're a fuckin' mess. Get a laptop.
--5th Ave & Union
I Can See the T-shirt Now: 'Fuck Me. I'm Worth a UTI'
Underage Jersey girl #1: So he gave me another fucking urinary tract infection.
Underage Jersey girl #2: That's so gross.
Underage Jersey girl #3: Why do you keep fucking him?
Underage Jersey girl #1: I know I have to go to the doctor, but he's so good it's almost worth it!
--Uptown F train
Overheard by: dan f.
They Eventually Agreed on a Dime for, 'I Wouldn't Kick You Out of Bed'
Hobo: Spare a dollar?
B&T chick: Ew, no.
Hobo: ... You have nice legs?
B&T chick: Still, no.
--Grand Central
Betsy Looks into the Funhouse Mirror
B&T girl #1, about rowdy drunk lady who left car: Oh my god, that woman was on crack.
B&T girl #2: I know, right?!
B&T girl #1: She was, like, 40 years old and reeking of midlife crisis.
--C train
At Least Nobody Felt the Need to Sing
B&T woman #1: Did you see Three Days of Rain?
B&T woman #2: No, what was it about?
B&T man #1: A stutterer fucks Julia Roberts.
B&T woman #1: Pay no attention to him -- he's a Neanderthal.
B&T man #2, leaning in and whispering: Does he really?
--Sardi's Restaurant
Overheard by: Big Larry
Oh No She Didn't
Guy #1: Is that the last Harry Potter?
Girl with book: No, there's one more after this.
Guy #1: What? How old is he? Isn't he getting a little old to be in school?
Guy #2: He's special, that's why he goes to magic school.
Girl with book: Yeah, Harry rides the short train to school.
--Newark airport
Overheard by: Jujubee
Wednesday One-Liners Are What They Are By Virtue of Their Relationships
Girl: ...because I feel like we're going out. It's just that he won't call me.
--Dunkin' Donuts, E 14th St
Overheard by: MK
Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that's not what I said, that's what you heard.
--1st & Ave B
Overheard by: Mollena
Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.
--San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave
B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you'd totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.
--LIRR to Penn Station
Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas
Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn't have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.
--Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Shrewd observer: That's not dating. It's called being on parole.
--West Building, Hunter College
Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!
--Central Park
Overheard by: Mike
The Important Thing is that She Likes Women and Lives Under a Bridge
Long Island law student #1: She is such a B-and-T troll dyke.
Long Island law student #2: Dude, she commutes from the city to Long Island. That doesn't make her a B-and-T anything.
Long Island law student #1: Fine. Then she's a reverse B-and-T troll dyke.
--LIRR
Not All Stories Have a Happy Ending
B&T Guy #1: It's easy. All you gotta do is give her 20 bucks.
B&T Guy #2: Then she jerks you off after she's done?
B&T Guy #1: I wish!
--Banshee Pub, 74th & 1st
Overheard by: Michael
Yuppie #1: ...yeah, those girls don't want just 20 bucks.
Yuppie #2: Yep, no such thing as free sex in Vietman.
--Maritime Hotel, 9th Ave.
Overheard by: Chaser
I Always Figured the Junior Senator's Office
Guy #1: See that, that's the New Jersey Transit.
Guy #2: Good God, that's where they get in?
Guy #3: And everyone thought Sunnydale is where the Hellmouth is.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Joseph
Wednesday One-Liners Think Lebanons Are Girls Who Like Girls
15-year-old on cell: Why would they invade Lebanon? We've got nothing they want. All we've got are trees.
--64th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline
Professor Obvious, on Hezbollah situation: It's, like, so Old Testament. They really need to come up off that shit.
--Wooster & Houston
B&T mom on cell: God, honey, calm down. I'm in Manhattan, not Lebanon.
--American Girl Place, 49th & 5th
Overheard by: Courtney
Wannabe cartographer: Where's Hezbollah...Like, it's a city in Iran, right?
--Mug Café, E 13th St
I Was Told to Get Off at the Black Dot
B&T Yankee fan, staring at subway map: It's stopping at all of them... It skipped three. How do you know where it stops?
Conductor: 59th Street, transfer here for the N, R, Q, W, and Six.
B&T Yankee fan, still staring at map: Maybe we should get off here? Is this the one we got off last time? Maybe we should have taken the A. It goes right to Penn, right? Does this not stop at the black dots?
--4 train
Overheard by: Jess McGins -- I eventually intervened
Well, My Family Does Call You Wanton
B&T shiksa: What is "kreplach"?
Jewish sugar daddy: Kreplach. It's like wontons.
B&T shiksa: Why don't they just call it wontons?
--Carnegie Deli, 55th & 7th
I Can Teach You, But I Have to Charge
Snappy white woman from Long Island to group of noisy black kids with a baby carriage: When are you guys getting off this bus? I need to know when. Just tell me what stop you're getting off at so I can decide whether I need to catch another one.
The baby's mother has her breast out and is squeezing and batting it around, a look of glee on her face. The baby is fast asleep in the stroller.
Mother: Look, milk comin' out of it!!
Long Island woman: Seriously, when are you getting off?
--M15 bus downtown
Overheard by: hannah g
I've Had Some Apple Butter That Says Otherwise, Tough Guy
Portly dude in Rangers jersey: I'm the best thing to ever happen to Amish country.
--Spanish Consulate, 58th & Lex
I Have Good News and Bad News...
B&T girl #1, looking at gourds: That looks like a tumor!
B&T girl #2: That looks like my ovary!
--Union Square Farmers Market
Overheard by: Glynda
She's Very Cosmopolitan
Getting on the crowded E at rush hour, a couple from Long Island forces into the train as the doors are closing.
Long Island woman: Come on people, make some room. [To companion] Can you imagine what it's like in that city in Asia, in China I think, what's it called?
Long Island dude: Japan?
Long Island woman: Yeah, Japan, that's the city! They push you into the cars there!
Random suit: You mean like you just pushed all of us?!
--5th Ave E station
Overheard by: Greg the E train rider
"Who's Gould?"
B&T girl: Oh my god, is that Kramer?
B&T guy: Oh yeah, hey, I think it is.
Man: That's Elliott fucking Gould.
--Katz's Deli, Houston Street
Are You Coming On To Me?
Drunk B&T chick: Look, it's Penn Station. We could go home right now!
Cranky stranger: That sounds like a good idea to me.
--downtown A train
Overheard by: Thinking the Same Thing
Oh, Sorry! It Was Just, with the Smell, the Armpit Hair, the Aura of Disdain...
Male pick-up artist: Are you from France?
Girl: No. I'm from Long Island!
--uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Giuseppe
Lose and You Compete in the Special Olympics
B&T guy: Did you get home okay in the snow last night?
B&T girl: Yeah, but drinking and driving should be an Olympic sport!
B&T guy: That's why you should've just smoked.
--Manahatta, Bowery
Overheard by: Andrew Gamache
She Could Have at Least Emailed
Guy: So my friend from New Jersey just texted me...
Girl: Yeah?
Guy: Yeah, she's pregnant and wants to me to be the godfather.
--NYU bus
He's Just Not That Into You
Drunk girl: How much is a Miller Light tall boy?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.50?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.75 and my phone number?Drunk girl gives beer vendor cell phone number.Beer vendor: $3.--Penn Station, LIRROverheard by: LC
Headline by: Anna-Liza
Runners-Up:
· "Your Jedi Mind Tricks Don't Work While Drunk" - Anna Nio
· "'Mommy, How Did You and Daddy Meet?'" - Becca
· "But in Syosset, I'm Beautiful" - Anastasia Beaverhausen
Honorable Mentions:
· "Losing Her Dignity for a Miller Light: Priceless" - mellamaphone
· "Ah, the Reflexive Property of Beer" - Mikey G
· "In his Defense, He Advertises 'Cold and Frosty'" - Mike T
· "Yeah, I Tried that Line with the Laundry Machine Yesterday" - jumanji
· "C'mon! My Number Really Is 867-5309." - will manning
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Wednesday One-liners Ask Alice
Chick on cell: I woke up the next morning and there was a thong that said "eat me" on it in my bag!
--Warren Hall, Columbia Law School
And Her Couch Is Real Suede, Too
Local hipster chick: Well, what did you think of the show?
Jersey girl: It was different... better than going back to Hoboken and falling asleep on my couch.
--Theater above KGB bar
Wednesday One-liners Are #1!
B&T guy: Just go to Urban Outfitters and take a piss in the dressing room then.
--6th Avenue & 8th Street
Overheard by: ja
The Annunciation of Wednesday One-liners
Woman: I always thought the Purple Pieman was Satan. Isn't that one of his many names?
--K-mart, West 34th Street
Overheard by: CC
We Should Start Requiring Passports
B&T girl #1: Ow, my ears just popped.
B&T girl #2: Yeah, that's because we just went into the Lincoln tunnel.
--LIRR, East River
Best Not to Look Directly At It
B&T guy: Do you know where Ludlow Street is?
Woman: It's that way, towards Jersey.
--Stanton & Suffolk
I Knew You Loved Me!
B&T girl: I am going to ask you one more fucking time and then things between us are over. Give me one fucking cigarette!
Boyfriend takes out one cigarette and throws it on the sidewalk.
B&T girl: Thank you!
--33rd St & Third Ave
Overheard by: HelloClairice
How About Being Permanently Labelled as Such?
B&T Girl #1: He is so "not Westchester."
B&T Girl #2: I know!
B&T Girl #3: I don't get it. I've been here a year and I don't get that. And what is or who is "the bridge and tunnel crowd"? Is it a good thing that those guys called us "bridge and tunnel crowd" when we walked in?
B&T Girl #1: Eww.
B&T Girl #2: Gross.
B&T Girl #1: Ew, oh there is so no way anyone called me bridge and tunnel.
B&T Girl #3: So that's bad?
B&T Girl #2: What could be worse?
--Metro-North
