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As If!
Teen girl: Did you know it's not Brooklyn-Queens Day anymore? Now all of the city gets off from school.
Little brother: It's because the other boroughs got jealous.
--Alley Pond Park, Queens
Overheard by: Rebecca
The Teacher Wanted to Make It Clear That the Correct Word is 'Faggot'
8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn't very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.
--Corona, Queens
Overheard by: Amy
... But Seriously, Do I Look Fat?
Tourist kid to his brother: Shut up. There's no such thing as a male anorexic. Right? And I'm not one of them.
--JetBlue Terminal, JFK
Overheard by: frequent flier
A Gentleman Would Have Tried Again
Guy: My brother tried to fuck my girlfriend once, and she still hates him for it! Some girls have no sense of humor.
--44th & 8th
Stuart Little Minded
Older brother: Ha ha, you look like a mice.
Younger brother: You don't even know how to speak. You're supposed to say I look like a mouse.
Older brother: No, a mice is a mouse when it's still little.
--Gristedes, Henry Street
"I did, but he always says No."
Panhandler: Spare some change? Help a brother out.
Panhandlee: Yeah. Go ask your brother.
--Union Square station
I'm So Fast, They Call Me the Chrysler Building
Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.
Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That's great! We're twins too! Hey, we're twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain't twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain't twins! Hey, I'm just tryin' 'a help ya out! You ain't twins.
Female twins: [silence]
Male twins: I'm just tryin' a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain't twins! Look! That one's that one's mother!
Female twins: We're twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain't twins! We twins! That's why we so tall! We the twin towers!
Female twins flee train.
--F train
Julio, Your Mother and I Have Asked You Repeatedly to Make All Local Stops
Little brother, running up street: Look at me -- I'm the 4 train!
Older brother, running next to him: Look at me -- I'm the 6 train!
Little brother: Stop running faster than me!
Older brother: Nuh-uh.
Little brother: Dad! Julio didn't stop at 33rd Street!
--31st St, Astoria
Overheard by: five year old kids can figure this out -- why can't tourists?
Georgia Out of My Mind
Woman: Where is Georgia anyway?
Her brother: It's a state.
Woman: I know, but where is it?
Her brother: Down south somewhere.
--Newark Airport
Overheard by: Coffee
He's Unsure Whether Skeletons Count as Siblings
Guy #1: ...and then I came in and Anne was watching some gay movie with Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix--
Guy #2: Who's River Phoenix?
Guy #1: You know, Joaquin Phoenix's brother.
Guy #2: Joaquin Phoenix has a brother?
Guy #1: I guess...
--A train
Jay-Z Just Put Your Name on a List
Seven-year-old girl: You know what I heard today?
Nine-year-old brother: What?
Seven-year-old girl: Hip hop is dead.
Nine-year-old brother: No, it's not...
Seven-year-old girl: Nas says it is.
Nine-year-old brother: Hip hop was never alive, beeyotch.
--Pathmark, Eastchester Rd, Bronx
Overheard by: Lukas Page
As Long as She Pronounces That Second 'R,' Everything Should Be Fine
Mother to two children: Okay, time to leave.
Little girl, trying to push her way through as her brother holds the door closed: Daaaaviiiiid!
Mother to black security guard: I guess that's just a brother for you.
Security guard looks uncomfortable.
Mother, quickly: I mean, that's just a brother's job, right?
--Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave
Overheard by: vivienne
And Apparently, She Kisses Her Kids with That Mouth
Mother: Bitches, get your asses over here!
Son #1: There's no seats.
Mother: There's one right here next to me.
Son #2: I wanna sit next to him.
Mother: I said, motherfuckers, get your asses over here. I don't want to sit by myself.
Son #1: There's nowhere to sit!
Mother: I said, get over here. I don't want to sit by myself. I don't know no one over here!
Older woman: Don't no one make friends with her.
--A train
Overheard by: Rehey
Hard to Do When the "Evidence" Is Dripping Down Your Leg.
Teen girl: So, what did we learn today, little one?
Kid brother: When in doubt, deny, deny, deny!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Pilar Annabelle Santiago
His Archenemy Is a Severely Progressive Tax Structure
Older brother teaching the finer points of comic books: Yeah, Batman's really cool. Best thing about him -- he doesn't have superpowers, so he's really an ordinary guy.
Younger brother: Wow, no superpowers?
Older brother: Well, apart from being super rich.
--F train to Queens
Oprah: Thanks! Asshole.
Sister: What's with all the celebs trying to adopt kids from every different country in the world?
Brother: I don't know. It's getting old already -- it's almost like they are doing it because it's the 'in' thing to do. It's ridiculous... I mean, take Oprah, for instance -- she builds schools and homes for them and leaves them in their natural habitat. I think it's better that way.
--Flight to NYC
But Shhh! I'm Telling Him the Sex Is "Safe"
Young girl to brother: Hey, you better get home or I'm gonna tell Mom that you stole that money from her purse.
Little boy: You do that, bitch, and I'm gonna tell Durell you got your period when you were nine.
Young girl: Mothafuckah, that was, like, last year!
--Ave A
Overheard by: Padraic. Your Prince
