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Actually That's More of a Clinton Thing
Cabbie trapped in Bush's traffic jam: Incredible, one man can make such fuck!
--FDR Drive
I Hope You Enjoy Vomiting into the Gutter
Drunk guy: Wait, you're not going anywhere? [Off-duty cabbie shakes his head.] Hey, buddy, fuck you!
Cabbie: Thank you very much, sir.
--8th Ave
Wednesday One-Liners Love New York. Maybe.
Guy to buddy: It's just like New York, except it's clean and quiet... and people are nice.
--51st & Broadway
Tourist girl: You guys, we're finally here! New York! Sleepless in... Oh my god, I'm such a moron!
--Incoming Air Canada flight, JFK airport
Overheard by: la petite touriste
Hobo to passerby wearing 'I love NY' shirt: Try living here for a few months, see how much you fucking love it.
--Chinatown
Pedicab driver to intrigued tourists: It is the most exciting thing you will do in New York City.
--58th & 5th
Overheard by: Stevo
Woman: Sure, in New York something gets blown up every now and then. But at least we don't have to worry about falling off into the ocean.
--Filene's Basement
Overheard by: amused tourist
High-strung mom to nanny: Just leave him here and go check. He's not going to get kidnapped. No one in New York wants kids, anyway.
--C train
Subway preacher: All of you are going to hell because of New York!
--Grand Central
Don't Ever Dare a New Yorker to Do Anything
Woman: If you don't stop hitting the fucking brakes like that, I'm gonna throw up all over the back of your cab.
Cab driver: Oh yeah? Go right ahead, lady!
She did.
--Cab, 34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Her friend, who was also kicked out of the cab
Our Worst Fears Confirmed
New Yorker: You drove like a maniac. Do you have any idea what the speed limit is in New York?
Cabbie: Cab drivers do not have speed limits in New York.
--Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Peter
A Moon Shot Requires Teamwork
Short Jamaican cabbie holding up newspaper: Man, this guy must have a big dick!
Arab deli guy: No, they did it on the moon. It's different up there.
--Deli, 28th & 10th
Overheard by: lunch on 29th
Dy'man in the Rough
Yellow cab driver, leaning out window: Hey.
Gypsy cab driver: Yeah?
Yellow cab driver: Uh, West Side Highway?
Gypsy cab driver: Ri'on Dy'man.
Yellow cab driver: What?
Gypsy cab driver: Right on Dyckman.
Yellow cab driver: Oh! Okay.
Gypsy cab driver: Fuckin' tourists.--204th & BroadwayOverheard by: amused passenger
Headline by: NYwannabe
Runners-Up:
· "GPS: Gypsy Positioning System--Taxi Technology of the Future" - also amused
· "Adventure Tourism For Rich People With Everything" - Julie
· "Headline Be Damned, I'm Shocked There Were 2 Cabs in Inwood!" - erak
· "Hey, My Mother Was a Fucking Tourist" - Eugene
· "Real NYC Cabbies Just Head in the Wrong Direction" - Gary
· "So I Guess Asking For Grey Poupon Is Out of the Question" - Jen
· "They Never Come to a Complete Glottal Stop" - markle
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
That Place Being Any NYC Taxi
Asian guy: But it's the 21st century!
White guy: That's true, but there's always a place for racism.
--13th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: E. Jung
A preppy boy whistles and waves at a cab. The cab ignores him, and as it passes the boy yells: What's your problem, am I Black or something?
--Park & 55th
Wednesday One-liners Know How to Get Around
Bus driver: The stop after this will be the next one. We should be arriving in a week to ten days.
--M42 bus
Overheard by: Dan Alcalde
Transit cop: I guess I'll pretend to do something here.
--Queens Plaza station
Conductor: Passengers, please do not use your valuables, or your child, to stop the train doors from closing!
--1 train
Black guy: I got me a ghetto Gold Card, son. It'll get you on the train, it'll get you on the bus.
--A train
Overheard by: Timothy C
Loudspeaker: Would anyone that speaks Chinese please report to the Amtrak Information booth in the center of the Terminal? Anyone that speaks Chinese.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: P. Mills
Chick: The cabdriver wouldn't let us leave the cab unless I showed him
my tits. That is so my away message tomorrow!
--LIRR train
Overheard by: Steve Carbo
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the delay in landing the aircraft, but the air traffic controller here at LaGuardia is an angry, bitter man.
--over LaGuardia
Overheard by: Dana Clair
Bloomberg's New Commercials Are Too Revealing
Bike Messenger guy: You see that? I almost died.
Bystander guy: Yeah, man. Those cabs. They fucked up, man. They think they own this city.
Bike Messenger guy: They're wrong, though. It belongs to me.
--6th Avenue & W. 4th Street
Iraqians and Cars: An Explosive Combo
Hobo: Hey buddy, can you spare a nickel?
Cabbie: Yeah, do you accept credit cards?
Hobo: Fuck you! I am here trying to live on the streets. Just take your customer wherever she's going...Don't you tip his sorry ass. He's a racist Iraqian.
--23rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Cat
I Guess He's the One Who Shot Harvey Keitel
Driver: Hey man, are you a cab driver?
Cabbie: No, I'm a taxi driver.
--Cab, Astoria
There May Be a Shop That Doesn't
Passenger: Is there any shops in the city that sell Statue of Liberty souvenir statues?
Cabbie: Yeah, I think there may be a shop that sells those right in Times Square.
--Times Square cab
Overheard by: John Aubin
Tales From the Dork Continent
Guy: What language is that?
Girl #1: French.
Guy: Where are you girls from?
Girl #1: Morocco.
Guy: Oh, it's really beautiful there. Really wealthy too, right?
Girl #2: That's Monaco.
--Elevator, Lexington between 31st & 32nd
Hipster guy: So where are you from originally?
Cabbie: West Africa.
Hipster guy: Oh, really? Where?
Cabbie: Africous.
Hipster guy: Where?
Cabbie: Afri-cous*.
Hipster guy: Wow. I thought I knew all the countries in Africa.
Cabbie: Yes, you know it. It is beautiful.
--Astoria cab
*Ivory Coast through a West African accent.
Overheard by: Martha K, also in the cab
Girl #1: Seriously, don't ask me to go dancing if we're not in South America.
Girl #2: Ha, ha. Yeah. What about Europe?
Girl #1: Eh...
Girl #2: Like, Spain.
Girl #1: Yeah, I guess Spain. And maybe Morocco.
Girl #2: Morocco is in Africa.
Girl #1: Pretend like I didn't just say that.
Girl #2: Now I understand why you dropped out of college!
--1 train
Overheard by: h. goldmine
It's Usually Running and Away from the Bronx
Pedicab guy: It's a great day for a ride in Central Park. Want a ride?
Man: How much to the Bronx?
--Columbus Circle
Please Cab Your Dog
Young woman: Thank you so much for picking me up with my dog! No one would stop for me.
Cabbie: People who love animals love humans. If you can't clean up the shit of a dog, how are you going to clean up the shit of humanity?
Young woman: Wow, that's deep. I totally agree.
--18th & 3rd
With a Mouth Like That, People Actually Tip You?
Cabbie: So, why are you going up to Columbia University anyway?
Girl: Because I have class in a couple hours.
Cabbie: With a face like yours and a rack like that, people actually take you seriously in that school?!
--Taxi ride with hot chick
Spitting All the Way
Cabbie: So, you and your husband are looking for property?
Chick: No, he's just my boyfriend. We live together.
Cabbie: That is not good. You have to leash your camel tight or else they run away. Run away fast.
--Cab
Overheard by: Friend of Unmarried Gal
We Would Have Accepted 9 PM or 'Miller Time'
Hobo in a hurry to a stopped cabbie with open window: Yo, yo, dude! What time it is?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Huh?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Man, that's not funny.
--4th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Dan
Either He's Lying, or He's New to the Job
Passenger: Have you ever run anyone over?
Cabbie: No. Do you want me to try it right now?
--West Village
Missouri or Kansas?
Cop to cabbie: Hurry up, you Arabian fuck! Dumbass towel-heads...
Tourist mom: Do you have to use that language? There are children present.
Cop: Lady, shut up. This is New York -- either get with it or get out.
Tourist mom: This never would have happened back in Kansas City.
--Rockefeller Center
Go, Go Gadget Hydrocar!
Cabbie: Where-to, lady?
Confused tourist: The Statue of Liberty.
--Rockefeller Plaza
Let's Make Her Our Next Mayor
Cabbie: Are you going this way? I'm not turning around!
Chick: What the..? I'm not hitchhiking, I'm fucking paying you, and if I tell you to turn around you damn well better turn around!
He drives away.
Chick: Yeah, fuck you too, cunty Mr. Crack Whore.
Hipster guy: Lady, you need therapy.
Chick: Man, you need to stop sucking dick. And a haircut.
--34th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesia Guera
You're Not Okay with That?
Limo driver: What are you trying to do?!
Cabbie: Did you not see the other guy, what he was doing? I had to move.
Limo driver: So he tries to kill you, and you move over and try to kill me?
Cabbie: What you want me to do?
Limo driver: So, you try to kill me so you don't die -- you try to kill me, then.
Cabbie: Well, then you have to die.
--7th Ave South & Perry St
My Mom Told Me to Stick to the Numbered Streets
Passenger: Hi, I'd like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don't know where that is.
Passenger: That's okay, I'll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back?
--Upper West Side
Overheard by: Charlemagne
When BDSM Enthusiasts Try to Hold Down Jobs
Woman getting into cab: I need to go to Wall Street.
Cabbie: Can you give me directions?
--27th & Broadway
That's Deep, Dude
Cabbie: So, uh, you hear about the double team? The, uh, Democrats?
Passenger: Oh, so Democrats got the Senate, too?
Cabbie: Yes! It's like a twelve-inch penis!
--Northbound 1st Ave from Delancey
Overheard by: dumbstruck passengers
In New Yorkese, That's "I Laugh at Anything Under 20K"
Valley girl: Ewww, what is that?
Boyfriend: That's a cab.
Valley girl: I want it.
Boyfriend: You want it?
Valley girl: I want to buy it!
Boyfriend, to cabbie: How much is it?
Cabbie: Get bent.
--Broadway
