Go Back to Jersey, Girl
Chick: I'd do you.
Kevin Smith: No, you wouldn't. Not even if you were stoned and drunk.
--Jacob Javits Center
Overheard by: Heather
Were It a Guy, It Would Be Foreplay
Jason Mraz: I pride myself on trying to be a normal guy--
Girl in audience: Let's have sex!
Jason Mraz: --See, that's not normal. Hey, and since this is technically my place of work, isn't that sexual harrassment?
--Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Amelia Stanley
Wednesday One-liners Go Potty
Chick on cell: It's a long story involving a lot of urine, but the gist of it is, we can't use that refrigerator ever again.
--Madison Square Garden ladies' room
Continue reading "Wednesday One-liners Go Potty"
Teen boy: Just a sec while I go and get a drink from the toilet
--Hotel Pennsylvania, 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Gary Morton
Guy on cell: No, none of the chicks are going, man, but clean the bathroom, Rob, I'm sure it's disgusting, okay?...I'll kill you.
--Russian Vodka Room bathroom, West 52nd Street
Overheard by: The Rat
Guy on cell: No dude, this girl is freaky. Too freaky...She wanted me to pee in her mouth, man!...That's crazy! All white girls are freaks...Yeah! She asked me to pee in her mouth.
--Astor Place
Overheard by: Celeste
Girl: Uh...None of us wore a scarf tonight...Ew! That's fucking toilet paper!
--Broome & Forsyth
Overheard by: Vincent L
Little boy: Mom, did I poop on the bathtub?
--F train
Crazy guy: You know why your ass stinks? 'Cause shit come outta there!
--6th Avenue L station
Overheard by: Joey
Guy: I ate so much of this stuff this week that my pee smells like Progresso soup.
--Butler Library, West 114th Street
Hilary Duff: I have to pee so bad!
--Rugby By Ralph Lauren, University Place
Overheard by: Gillian and Pamela
Girl: How does a motherfucker pee?
--1 train
Overheard by: Feborah
Guy on cell: Don't you know how slow the digestive system works?...Look, you won't start shitting corn until around 10 o'clock tonight.
--Cafe Manhattan, West 45th Street
Overheard by: JMP
Girl: I took the biggest craziest shit this morning. Tore me apart.
--A train
Drunk girl: If I fucking pee myself it's not my fault.
--A between 11th & 12th
Overheard by: Stephan Sebastian Dukofsky
Girl: You're so lucky I didn't have my UTI. I would've wet my pants!
--Fordham University, Rose Hill
How Was Your St. Paddy's Day, New York?
Hobo: Spare some change for the leprechaun? I just need four dollars to get back over the rainbow.
--1 train
Continue reading "How Was Your St. Paddy's Day, New York?"
Waiter: Can I kiss your shamrocks?
--Sahara East, 1st Avenue
Chick: I didn't come all the way from New Jersey to watch a fucking parade; I came here to drink!
--48th & 5th
Guy: Man, I am wasted.
Girl: Dude, this is the anniversary of my nipple piercing...I just wanted to say that.
--79th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aussie on Tour
Girl #1: Hey, you're not wearing green.
Girl #2: I'm not Jewish.
Girl #1: ...I thought it was Irish?
--V train
Guy: Have you ever been on the East Side on St. Paddy's day? I was there last year, and there were guys--grown men--wearing business suits and everything, just pissing in the middle of the street. It was magical.
--Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
Hobo: God bless the Irish! And God bless John Gotti too!
--34th & 7th
Robin Williams: If you're wearing a green hat like that I get to bitch-slap you.
--Washington Square Park
Teen boy: Why is everyone wearing green today?
--Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Naomi Lesnewski (NJL)
Dude on cell: Hey, it's Tim. Yeah, I had kind of a rough time getting up this morning and just wanted to say I'm sorry for anything I did last night...So how are you?
--9th & A
Overheard by: this was the morning after St. Patrick's Day
Wednesday One-liners Speak Well English
Girl on cell: Oh my God, I am like so uncoherent today.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Athens Mol
Continue reading "Wednesday One-liners Speak Well English"
Girl: I've been busy dissertationing.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Gina Costanza
Drunk guy: The thing about the next big thing is that it's going to be the next big thing.
--The Gate, Park Slope
Overheard by: Carrie
Woman: It's not obvious enough that you couldn't say it, but it was obvious enough that you had to start with "it goes without saying"?
--Barnes & Noble, Astor Place
Chick on cell: I was like, "Oh?" And she was like, "Blah, blah, blah."
And I was like, "Huh?"
--79th & 1st
Overheard by: Alan Cross
Teen girl: Yeah, I always have trouble with 7's for some reason...They are really hard letters.
--M57 bus
Overheard by: Avital
Woman: What, no English? You don't speak English? Why you say you don't speak English? You know what motherfucker means!
--2 train
Dude: Yeah, that guy thinks he's oblivious.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Tannen Printz
Doorman guy: Do you think I'm stupid because I work here? I know a lot of big words.
--16th & 3rd
Elle Ron Hubtard: I don't want to put words in your mouth or anything, but...
--Times Square station
Man: You know how when you're disappointed, you feel let down because something that you expected to happen, didn't happen; like, it didn't happen as appointed? That must be the original meaning of disappointed, how it was used in the past. Like "ruthless". You never hear anyone today talk about having ruth, but in the past they must have used it like that.
--R train
Teen girl: Wait, what's the intifada? Wait, do any of you speak Spanish?
--F train
Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy
Dude on cell: See, we were what you call the escape goats...You ever heard that expression?
--35th & 8th
Overheard by: Jenny O'Brian
Girl: I think "y'all" is singular. "Y'alls" is plural.
--58th & 9th
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Teen girl: That guy was femininish.
--George Washington Bridge bus station
Overheard by: Jarett Wieselman
Wednesday One-liners Are a Matter of Opinion
Ethan Hawke: Man, everybody's fat.
--Employees Only, Hudson St
Overheard by: molly
Guy on cell: But you're not fat in America!
--Ozzie's Coffee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope
The Wednesday One-liners Method Acting Method
Matt Dillon: This theatre has awful feng shui.
--Union Square Regal Cinemas
Continue reading "The Wednesday One-liners Method Acting Method"
Girl: This is just like Kids, only without all the AIDS!
--San Loco, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Greg Goulding
Vendor guy: That's a good book, Postcards From the Edge. Yeah, Carrie Fisher is a beautiful writer, but I was in rehab with her for a couple days: total bitch!
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jeff Kaplon
Tourist guy: I hope they have tickets for Miss Saigon or King and I.
--TKTS, South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Gregorio
Guy: Luke Skywalker was the good guy, and Darth Vader was the bad guy. But Harrison Ford's character, he was just in it for the ride. He was an adventurer. So he's the only one with complex motivations.
--6 train
Overheard by: Always Amazed
Military guy: Have you heard of that movie Annapolis about the insane military academy? Well, it's useless. Useless.
--45th & Broadway
Overheard by: elizabeth kim
Girl: Cool Hand Luke was totally Christian Slater's favorite movie in Clueless.
--L train
Overheard by: Stephanie
Man: But what if it has Brad's cheekbones and Angelina's lips?
--18th & 5th
Asian guy: Hey wasn't your mom in The Da Vinci Code?
--Joe's Pizza, Carmine Street
Overheard by: Asher
Teen boy: I threw up on Meryl Streep's daughter.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: jones
Asian guy: It's an ancient tradition: every Chinese New Year Bruce Lee fights Chuck Norris for good luck.
--Korova Milk Bar, Avenue A
Overheard by: Michael Ng
But Jack Black Did Make Shark Tales
Guy on cell: Yeah, I spoke to Jack Black about it... right, yeah. I think he'll do just about anything at this point. [pause] Jack Black. Jack Black. [pause] Oh, Jack White. Jack Black is the comedian. Yeah.
--Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Jim
Overheard in the Studio
Mark Riley: We only got two rubbers? What's up?
The Overheard staff was on Air America Radio to tape an interview. A cell phone goes off. Our publisher checks his. Our editor checks his. The producer and the sound guy look at theirs.
Mark Riley: Maybe it's mine. Oh shit, it's my wife!
He picks up.
Mark Riley on cell: ...We're filming I Love Lucy. What's the problem?
--Air America studios, 20th & 6th
Overheard by: Thanks for having us!
Jealous Doesn't Begin to Describe It
Chick: Are you Jon Lovitz?
Jon Lovitz: Jealous?
--Union Square
Is There Anything She Doesn't Know?
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame -- you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It's like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later]
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can't remember how it ends... If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still]
Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.
--Acela train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?
Nuts for Wednesday One-liners
Chris Noth: I talked to her for 10 minutes and figured out she was crazy.
--15th & Irving
Overheard by: Ameha Beyene
Continue reading "Nuts for Wednesday One-liners"
Crazy lady: You guys aren't here to help me; you're just here to bust my balls! What the fuck is wrong with all of you? Lemme get through!
--L train
Overheard by: Morgan K
Guy: So, my roommate was having issues with his girlfriend who's psycho and he goes to my other roommate for advice. Well, he's cheating on his girlfriend who's also psycho...If I was a crackhead, I would not go to a crackhead to figure out how to stop smoking crack.
--L train
Crazy lady: I don't what planet they think they from, but these humans ain't all they cracked out to be.
--M104 bus
Overheard by: Jesse
Crazy guy: Hey sis, how you doin'? You all right? 'Cause you gotta make two more of those. Okay, baby? For me, baby, you gotta make two more of those...You all right, sis? Yeah, you all right.
--Astor Place station
Overheard by: Graham
Crazy lady: That's good luck, you know. I step in dog shit all the time. I used to play the horses. One time I stepped in dog shit and then I won $750. You should learn to step in more dog shit.
--86th & 3rd
Wednesday One-liners Hit the Premiere
Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does...which is often unappreciable.
--Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Continue reading "Wednesday One-liners Hit the Premiere"
Queer: After studying, I would, like, defrag by watching Spice World.
--E train
Guy: I would rather piss on my hands than watch that fucking movie with him!
--56th & 5th
Overheard by: reggae sarkar
Tourist man on cell: It feels like I'm walking through the Matrix.
--40th & 5th
Hobo: I fucked Tony Curtis in the ass!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Macaire Montini
Crazy man: So you agree. Top Gun is the greatest movie ever.
--Grand Central
Thug guy: ...but Roger Moore be cool while parkin' yo car, and Sean Connery be cool while kickin' yo ass.
--6 train
Girl: I liked it, but there was like, too much cinematography.
--11th Street & 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Robet Olsen
Chick: I met Clive Owen once, at the Natural History Museum. He was standing alone in a corner and just started talking to me about sulfur.
--Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Fratboy: Teen Wolf II was the pinnacle of civilization.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: djlindee
This Cummerbund's Really Shitty
Guy: Why are you wearing tuxedo pants?
Jon Stewart: I want to raise my baby formally. It's black tie in the
house.
--Daily Show studios, 51st & 11th
Overheard by: Jess McGins
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