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Bend Over, Jetson
Suit #1: I like this trend... Taking your favorite childhood cartoon character and slutting it up.
Suit #2: Yup.
--W 34 St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: not
And We Can Smell Enthusiasm
Tourist girl #1: Oh my God, I feel like I'm in Sex and the City!
Tourist girl #2: Shut up, the natives can hear you.
--Central Park station
Overheard by: Spazza McChicken
Wednesday One-Liners Burn, Baby, Burn
Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work.
--Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: J. Ann
Ghetto girl to thug: You can't touch this. Keep reminiscin', mothafucka.
--106th & Columbus
Overheard by: Shmoop
Guy on cell: I'll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you.
--17th & 5th
Altruist: He's really nice so I just fake it sometimes.
--Elevator, 120 Wall St
Overheard by: Aubrie
Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8.
--1 train
Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be.
--Washington & Charles
Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I'm just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok.
--Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Wait, Are You Describing the Movie or the Party?
Dude: I saw that movie at that sex party -- the one where Jim got a blowjob by a chick that was not his girlfriend.
Chick: Oh my god, that sounds awesome -- I love it already!
Dude: I know, it's awesome!
--LaGuardia & W 3rd
If Paris Hilton Comes Into Red Lobster, We'll Discuss It
Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We're from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it's because in New York we know that you can't bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can't?
Woman: No, you can't. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y'all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.
--Red Lobster, Times Square
Overheard by: Lynne & Craig
When Are You Not?
Barista #1: Dude, that would be awesome.
Barista #2: That's crap. That would look stupid, and I will give you 50 bucks if you find me one!
Barista #1: Deal.
Customer: What are you guys talking about?
Barista #2: Human cheetah man.
--Tea Lounge, Union St
Meet the Producers of Boy Band Sodomy School
Queer #1: In Japan they have all these boy bands, and they all come out of this, like, big boy band academy. It's like a school.
Queer #2: God. Wouldn't it be great if they gave tours?
Queer #1: We could Google it.
--R train
And Their Sideways Pussies
Mother: See, it says these are endangered deer from China.
Tween daughter: I guess they are from China. Look at their slanty eyes!
--Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Nina Drummond
I Thought Those Weren't Allowed in the Military?
Mohawk teen: Not like a Barbie -- it's like a real short midget, but skinny and hairier.
Five-year-old girl: Like G.I. Joe?
Mohawk teen: G.I. Joe isn't hairy, he's just a man-Barbie with guns.
--18th St station
Overheard by: tom
Wednesday One-Liners Still Can't Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)
Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable...Yeah, it's all in Chinese...Whatever. As long as I watch things that I've already seen, I don't need to actually know what they're saying.
--N train, Astoria
Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria's boyfriend lately? He looks great. She's better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
--Eckerd, Astoria
Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It's okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.
--79th St entrance, FDR
Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don't think we're gonna be able to watch this -- it only airs today.
--Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Stephen and Allison
Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don't shit on Maury Povich!
--New York Public Library
Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library
Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.
--114th & Broadway
The Penis Mightier Than the Wednesday One-Liners
Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!...He has a huge penis!
--189th St
Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.
--Red Hook
Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don't get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!
--14th & 6th
Overheard by: Madhu Maganti
Guy: I'd give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They're that good!...Ok, maybe half an inch.
--Park Avenue & 29th Street
Overheard by: 11221
Teen boy on cell: Hey, it's Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.
--Times Square
Overheard by: laura
Woman: Aaah! I've got baby penises in my eye!
--Sephora, Times Square
Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.
--Bed-Stuy
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Fucking Glad It's Over
Conductor: This is Prince Street. Not Half-blood Prince Street, but Prince Street.
--N train
Overheard by: she later invited the passengers to debate whether snape was a criminal or a hero
30-year old fan: ... And then he sprinkled magic dust over her throbbing vagina...
--Book release, Spring & Mercer
Overheard by: santos l. halper
Man to five-year-old son: Yeah, you know Harry Potter is now in this play in London where he plays a naked guy that has sex with horses? Comin' to Broadway soon.
--Harry Potter Pl on Mercer St
Overheard by: i don't THINK that's how it goes actually...
Girl glancing at boy reading Deathly Hallows: Does Frodo die?
--Strings Attached Theater Company's performance of Life As We Know It
They Won't Know Why It Mattered
Teen girl #1: I don't think people understand the gravity of the situation. Nobody seems excited. We're in an actual Springfield Kwik-E-Mart!
Teen girl #2: I know. When I tell my grandkids I went to a Kwik-E-Mart [trails off]...
--7-Eleven/Kwik-E-Mart near Times Square
Fashion Week Concludes on an iNote
Woman #1: Wow, everyone is wearing their iPod. I only wear mine to the gym.
Woman #2: Well, if you have a commute, it is good to take it with you.
Woman #1: Really, so it works underground?
Woman #2: Yea, it even works when you are wearing green.
Woman #1: Fuck you.
--43rd & 5th
Overheard by: dave
Batman and Robin Was the Greater Tragedy
Blonde: I think I'm going to donate money to that thing George Clooney was talking about.
Friend: What?
Blonde: Darfur.
--Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: betty machete
His Mom Says It's to Die For
Girl: I've never had venison before.
Guy: Order it. You can taste Bambi. You can taste the innocence. And the fear.
--"A" Restaurant, Columbus Avenue
And Then They All Come Out in Cat Makeup and Sing About Hitler
Girl #1: Where does Rent take place?
Girl #2: I heard it takes place in China.
Girl #1: Oh, really? Are they going to eat a dog here?
Girl #2: Maybe a puppet.
--41st & 7th
Overheard by: hahaha
Why Is There a Penis on His Utility Belt?
Nine-year-old boy #1 looking at mannequin in sex shop: Batman! B
Nine-year-old boy #2: Batman -- that's so cool!
Nine-year-old boy #1: Bat-maaan! Bat-maaan!
--Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: Amanda
If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere
Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.
--Battery Park
Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It's people like that who give New York City a bad name.
--Lindy's, 7th Ave
Overheard by: joemikehap
Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I'm a New Yorker; it's practically a requirement!
--F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Tourist on cell: Yeah! I'm in New York! Yeah, it's kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can't drink in the streets.
--Grand Central
Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!
--Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that's why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York...except for niggas on the train.
--Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Little girl: There's a lot of people in this New York City!
--Times Square
Seems the Rancor is Alive
Dad: Do you think I want to talk about princesses 24 hours a day?
Little girl: No.
Dad: What do you think I want to talk about?
Little girl: Star Wars.
--Rector & Greenwich
Wednesday One-Liners Used the Rhythm Method
Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.
--Sephora, Broadway
Overheard by: linzz
Guy: ... So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth..."
--Spring St
Overheard by: boston bobby
College guy on cell: He was like, 'Shit, she's got a bun in the oven!' And I was like, 'Oh, shit!'
--Columbia University
Overheard by: roo
Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that's how he got her pregnant.
--Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Wondering how that works
Preggers: I'm gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I'm not gonna have a miscarriage.
--Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn
Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I'm on my seventh month!
--Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Overheard by: EE Grimshaw
NYU girl on cell: ... So then the doctor comes in and he goes, 'Houston, we have a problem..." I know, right? What's with doctors trying to be all funny when they're telling you that you're pregnant?
--NYU bus
Overheard by: tj
I Like When She Eats the Carrion
Teen girl #1: Bitches be dissin' on Disney Channel.
Teen girl #2: Yeah.
Teen girl #1: But you know them bitches be runnin' home to watch That's So Raven.
Teen girl #2: It's 7:15.
Teen girl #1: Shit, we gonna miss it.
--4 train
Overheard by: Noah Gallagher
Wednesday One-liners Sparkle and Shine
Hipster on cell: Okay. After my nap. Call me from the park once you are covered in glitter and I will come down.
--14th & B
Hipster chick: I'm totally boycotting the sun this summer.
--L train
Overheard by: Matt Ferrin
Guy on cell: ...and I just told him, "I don't care what you say. As far as I'm concerned, I am the star of a Broadway musical."
--34th & 7th
Overheard by: Bridget Unnel
Nothing Natural About Healing the Dead
Worker on phone: Good afternoon, Ms. Swank. We'd like to congratulate you on your recent Academy Award, and ask you to stop by and pick up your copy of Natural Healing.
--The Strand
You Can Fake the Attitude, Even the Look, But In the End, Either You Have a Horizontal Vagina or You Don't
Dude #1: She's just got this, y'know, Asian air about her.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: She's got this, like, totally anime look.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah, but I wish she were really Asian.
--88th & 1st
Overheard by: Beeeej
Can You Explain His Bowl Full of Jelly?
Old man: Hey, little girl, you dropped something.
Four-year-old girl to mom: I thought you said Santa Claus wasn't real!
--Times Square
Overheard by: sitting in a bush
Isn't That From Dr. Seuss's 'I Don't Like Penis Made of Glass/ I Do Not Like It in My Ass'?
Younger woman: Have you seen any of the Chihuly glass?
Elderly woman: Yes, it looks like penises with diseases!
--New York Botanical Garden, the Bronx
We Come Full Circle
Girl #1: Oh my god! I just heard that Katie Holmes had her baby! Katie Holmes had her baby, everyone!
Girl #2: Xenu commands you to shut the fuck up while I'm on the phone with my dealer.
--6th Avenue & West 4th Street
Overheard by: Robin M.
(cf. When we broke this story.)
Because My Son Plays with Barbies, and He's Certainly Not Gay
Woman #1: Well, I have a nephew who's still 10 and enjoys playing with Barbies and likes to cook. Who knows? Maybe he'll turn out to be gay.
Woman #2: Wait, are most cooks gay? I don't think so...
--Near United Nations
Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy
And Violate the Prime Directive?
Hipster guy: The Trekkies have yet to produce their own serial murderer.
Hipster girl: Yeah, that we know about...
--St. Mark's Pl & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: The Doifter
Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Own Kneepads
Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No... 40 grand, and I'll suck your dick.
--Fashion District
Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can't teach you anything if you don't practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.
--78th St & 37th Ave
Overheard by: Jillian
Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya'll!
--2 train
Overheard by: Macaire
Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That's NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.
--Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Jay
Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, 'Are you on Restless?' And I was like, 'Yeah,' and then she dropped to her knees!
--2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: wishing i did soaps
Suit on cell: On one hand, you're married, and I don't need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.
--Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium
Overheard by: did he get a receipt?
Wednesday One-Liners Are as Dumb as They Look
Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?
--5th Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?
--4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?
--D train, Grand Concourse
Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?
--Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Josh
Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?
--Game Stop, Forest Hills
Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They're like lions -- from the sea!
--Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Andrew K.
Un Film de Wednesday One-Liners
Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever -- the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away... That movie was awesome!
--Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?
--Hunter College
Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I'm recording this!
--Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn
Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it's my Bible. I hang on every word, 'cause I really want to know how gay people talk.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Stina
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren't like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I've ever seen!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Philip Niosi
Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
--The Village, near Mulberry
Overheard by: DC Diva
I Don't Think Andy Dick is a Fan
Girl: I may be misinterpreting Rocky Horror Picture Show, but what gay man doesn't love a movie about singing transvestites? These queens are so picky.
--30th and 5th
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
How T-Shirt Magazine Was Born
Clerk #1: I've always wanted to start my own magazine.
Clerk #2: Yeah, but there are so many magazines out!
Clerk #3: I've always wanted to start my own T-shirt company.
--American Apparel, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by:
There Is a Well-Documented Correlation Between Mixed Breeding and Split Ends
Drunk girl #1: He has such bad hair.
Drunk girl #2: No, you know who has bad hair? Derek Jeter.
Drunk girl #1: Yeah, but he can't help it. He's half black... what? He is.
--Queens
$50 Says Mo Would Take That Scarecrow Out
Woman: Who do you think would win a fight between Ann Coulter and Maureen Dowd?
Man: A fight?
Woman: Yeah, you know, a death match.
Man: I'm gonna go with Ann Coulter.
Woman: You think? They both wear long, spikey heels. They could put each other's eyes out pretty fast.
Man: But Ann Coulter would be like, "Rock on, I'm in a death cage!" And Maureen Dowd would be like, "Wait, what am I doing in a death cage?"
--Alt.Coffee, Avenue A
She's Bipartisan, But It's Just a Phase
Girl: Are you a conservative or a liberal?
Guy: I know all teenagers are supposed to be liberal, but I'm pretty conservative.
Girl: Oh my god, I know exactly what you mean. I was conservative until last week when I saw V for Vendetta. How hot is Natalie Portman?
--Bronx High School of Science
Here's Hoping They Make It to Saturn
Jazz dude #1: Where is Sun Ra buried?
Jazz dude #2: Dude... Road trip!
--Virgin Megastore, Union Square
Overheard by: Abram
If You Look Closely, You Can See Estelle Getty's Nipples
Quasi-thug #1: So if I got the first season, you would watch it with me?
Quasi-thug #2: Fuck yeah. It's the fucking Golden Girls, yo.
--Port Authority
Overheard by: djlindee
"We were in Narnia; her wardrobe malfunctioned."
Guy #1: So, I had this dream about Janet Jackson last night.
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: She told me, "Mitch, get your shit together".
--9th Street & 1st Avenue
Wednesday One-Liners Wear Taped Glasses
Guy to cooks: So, do you guys just sit around all night making up medieval names for each other?
--Pizza shop, 2nd Ave & St. Mark's Pl
Overheard by: mangledorf
Nerd on cell: I waited five years to get a girlfriend, and I finally got one and I just couldn't take it!
--Dunkin' Donuts, 14th St
Overheard by: Jo
Chick on cell: Whoa, did I just refer to Voldemort in a romantic context? What is happening to me?
--Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Dork: Wow, 200 points of magic! Well, that would truly be a day of sorcery.
--LIRR
NYU student: So, Yoda is more masculine than Sophocles?
--NYU
Overheard by: waphle
Clearly, I'm Hanging Out in the Wrong Places
Bimbette #1: Oh my god, shamans are, like, so in right now!
Bimbette #2: Really?!
Bimbette #1: Yeah! Like, every day I wake up and it's like, shaman-this and shaman-that.
--50th & 6th
There Go the First Two Rules
Drunk guy #1: Let's start the East Village Fight Club.
Drunk guy #2: I'm in.
Drunk guy #1: The only rule of this particular fight club is you have to let your victim know you are beating the crap out of them for being too hip.
--7B, Avenue B
'Real Hip-Hop Artist' Is an Oxymoron, So We Cannot Verify This
Girl #1: He's a hip-hop artist; he has to have an Asian girfriend.
Girl #2: He already has one.
Guy: If he's a real hip-hop artist, he has to have two.
--Spring & Sullivan
Overheard by: inge
One Guess Where They're Staying
Grandma: Who is that? What's the commotion about?
Teen girl: It's Paris Hilton.
Grandma: Who is that?
Teen girl: She's a media blowjob, Nana. Let's get a move on, we're
late and Daddy's waiting for us at the hotel.
--41st & 6th
Overheard by: Brian Otano
Wednesday One-Liners: Too Busy to Acquire Social Skills
Virgin-For-Life: Clark Kent and Kal-El are the same goddamn thing, Joey! We are not having this conversation again! Jesus Christ! I'm going home!
--Coney Island
20-Something Virgin-For-Life, noticing guy with Superman t-shirt: Look! That's who I wanna be when I grow up! Clark Kent! Imagine just taking a suit off and becoming a superhero.
--Empire State Building
Overheard by: Guy With Superman t-shirt
Virgin-For-Life: The intestinal epithelium is my dream tissue.
--Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the Bronx
Overheard by: Joshua Drumm
Virgin-For-Life: He's really sharp. He's like the head of Voltron.
--23rd between 5th & 6th
Wednesday One-Liners Do Their Little Turn on the Catwalk
Woman on cell, wearing fuchsia catsuit and clutching stuffed parrot: I'm on the corner of Broadway and 69th in a ridiculous outfit.
--69th & Broadway
Buff guy: You know what they used to call me in jail? "Harry the Robe," because I wore this beautiful white robe after I took showers.
--Madison Ave
Overheard by: gina
Girl on cell: I swear, if I have my underwear on inside out today I am just going to snap.
--Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Amused listener
Preppy guy: Is there a philosopher named Kenneth Cole? Because there is this huge billboard with his quote on it.
--Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Rivington between Norfolk & Essex
Guy in black cape and Batman-type mask: No one ever fucks with me when I go out at night rocking this outfit.
--Franklin & Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: lil pirate
Girl: Do they even have Prada in Boston? They just have baked beans and Benjamin Franklin, and he's dead.
--Stanton & Orchard
Girl, walking behind another girl who's wearing a pink tutu, white stockings, and a tiara: Let her walk alone wearing this on her birthday.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Not Wearing a Tutu
No, That's the Guy Who Did Lord of the Cock Rings
Guy #1: Yeah, he's a pretty good director... what's his name again? The hobbit guy?
Guy #2: Uhhh...Peter something...
Guy #1: Yeah, Peter North! I love that guy's movies.
--AMC Empire 25, Times Square
The Unicorns Stood for White Power
Girl #1: ...so, my professor started talking about The Diary of Anne Frank.
Girl #2: Oh, Anne Frank! I used to love her! I had the diary, the notebooks and the pencils and everything.
Queer: What?
Girl #1: I think she means Lisa Frank.
--27th & 7th
Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
--1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing's bigger than Oprah, not even my mother's ass!
--Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo' fat ass to the gym!
--Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I'm sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
--Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It's not cheating if she's fat.
--Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she's just going to make fun of me because I'm short and fat! Oh my God!
--Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
Wednesday One-Liners Need a Pamprin
Woman: When it's a tampon, you can stick it anywhere.
--59th St
Overheard by: Rich
Woman on cell: ...and then this big glop of bloody goop came out, and so I reached into the toilet and squeezed it to make sure it wasn't a baby...
--13th & Broadway
20-Something chick: My shit bled like it's never bled before.
--Elevator, 57th & 6th
Overheard by: Matt
Mulleted queer: Imagine if Virginia Slims designed a tampon!--Bushwick, BrooklynOverheard by: 'nuther black charlie chaplin
Creative genius: Just imagine if I had a tampon gun!
--St. Mark's
Woman on cell: Well, you can't just go handing out sanitary napkins to everyone!
--15th & Union Square East
Loud girl on cell: Yeah, so he was going for it, and I was like, "No, baby, I can't tonight," and he was like, "Why?" and I was like, "I got it today," and he was like, "Aww, then nothing for a whole week!"
--CVS, 58th & 9th
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
--Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin' good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
--1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs...
--1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can't believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
--18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it's from his ear?!
--Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It's called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there's a market for them.
--Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I'm on the street. I can't hear--Oh, tilted! That's totally fucked up. I'm sorry.
--23rd & 6th
You're Both Right!
Old queen #1: I always thought that Dick Cavett was such a little asshole.
Old queen #2: I always found him to be downright delightful!
--Edison Diner, 47th St
Overheard by: I like Dick
He Thinks Those Doggs All Look Alike
White man: Excuse me, has anyone ever told you you look just like that rap guy?
Black guy: You mean Snoop Dogg?
White man: Yeah, him.
Black guy: Yeah, all the time.
White man: Are you related to him?
Black guy: Yeah, he's a distant cousin.
White man: Really? Wow! You must get this all the time.
Black guy: Yeah, even my girlfriend says it.
White man: Well, that must be the reason she dates you. She probably wouldn't date you if you weren't related to him.
--1 train
I Think She's Watching You
Kid #1, looking at the Mona Lisa on Da Vinci Code poster: Hey, look! It's her again!
Kid #2: Who is this lady? She's everywhere!
--Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: d.grace
Makes for Easy Carpet/Drapes Matching
Suit: Have you ever seen Conan in HD? His face looks like a scrotum.
--Maggie's Place, E. 47th Street
Overheard by: Grimbil
The Dead Don't Cry on Their LiveJournal
Girl #1: You should see this guy. He's like the reincarnation of Gerard Way.
Girl #2: Gerard Way's not dead.
Girl #1: He's emo. He's dead inside.
--E train
She's Game&Watchinese
Guy: But you're my Asian...
Girl: I don't know. You haven't been feeding me lately.
Guy: You're not a Tamagatchi!
Girl: Maybe I am.
--Tisch School of the Arts, Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: Dan O'Connor
Klingons Are Less Wrinkled
Old man #1: I must have my cloaking device on today! Ha, ha.
Old man #2: Get the fuck out of my way, asshole.
Old man #1: Damn Klingons.
--D'Agostino, Greenwich Street
Overheard by: nick
Surely He Meant Our Publisher
Hobo: You are very beautiful...you look like a movie star. Like Morgan Freeman.
Girl: Huh?
Hobo: Er, no, Morgan...Fairchild. Yeah, Morgan Fairchild.
--Bedford Ave. station
Actually, I Hate Walking
Kid: Excuse me, can you get Floyd to sign something for me?
Security guard: No. Floyd hates kids.
--Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Silent K
Something Dimwitted This Way Comes
Guy: ...so he digs stuff like Fahrenheit 451 and all--
Girl: "451"? Er, 9-11, you mean.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Cap'n MidNite
She'll Be Here All Week
Woman: Hey, when's that movie Snakes on a Plane ever gonna come out?
Old man: What? What's that?
Woman: Maybe it's just a joke. Like the "L" in Samuel "el" Jackson's name. I think that's a joke too, like, what is he? Samuel "the" Jackson?
Old man: Who's that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Kershinator
Still Waiting on the Karaoke Night
Girl #1: Yeah, so lately I've been really getting into African click songs.
Girl #2: Please don't demonstrate.
--Grand Central Station, Dining Concourse
Ginger Did Her Boyfriend
Singing hobo: Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip --
Girl with a lot of rage: Shut the fuck up! I hate that fucking show. Gilligan's Island. Fuck you, man.
--Union Square
Somehow Osama Remains At Large
Chick #1: I think Moron Titty is a great code name. Like, if you go into the CIA? I think you should be Agent Moron Titty.
Chick #2: Yeah, my nipples have an I.Q. of, like, 75.
--Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: djlindee
Nothing When You Have a Sony Contract
Six-year-old boy: The talent show is tomorrow.
Mother: Oh, are you doing anything?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, 50 Cent.
Mother: Honey, that's a little inappropriate.
Six-year-old boy: What does inappropriate mean?
--2 train
Overheard by: Ana Orellano
Those Ruben Studdard Tracks Now Seem Horrific
Girl #1: You know, if you think all songs are sung by a penis, they suddenly become funny.
Girl #2: You are high, you know that?
--91st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: SexyJewThang
Wednesday One-liners Are Koo Koo
Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don't get it, lady. There's a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!
--F train
Queer: He totally has to understand that he's crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too!
--27th street office
Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you've been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I'm sure! I have proof. You see, that's not music. That's not rock and roll. That's just crazy.
--Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Crazy man: I already told you I don't have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week.
--54th & 11th
Crazy woman: I've got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me.
--World Financial Center
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Suit: ...and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?...is watching me.
--46th & 8th
Overheard by: ballpeen hammer
Crazy lady: I don't believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot!
--Lexington & 23rd
Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!
--19th between 7th & 8th
Alanis: 'No One Knows What That Word Means Anymore'
Guy: I don't think you need to tell him. It's like if he was hit by a car, he'd know he was hit. He wouldn't need someone to tell him.
Girl: Yeah, but he said it was "ironically," so I don't think he knows what happened yet.
Guy: What the fuck does that mean?
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Videodrew
She's Thinking of The Pelican Briefs
Teenie girl: Omigod! Idea! Do you want to go rent a movie?
Her much older boyfriend: Sure. Have you seen The Firm?
Teenie girl: What is that, like a porno?
--Hershey store, Times Square
Overheard by: Just wanted some gummy bears
"Or Daddy's hentai?"
Little girl: Mommy, what's this?
Mom: Japanese art. You know, like in Mulan.
--The Met
What Do You Think This Is, Tower Records?
Customer: Do you have the documentary on Marlene Dietrich made by
her nephew, David Riva?
Sales girl: Who's that again?
Customer: Marlene Dietrich.
Sales girl: [blank look]
Customer: Come on, Dietrich!! You know, Garbo, Monroe, Dietrich...
the big ones.
Sales girl: Hey, I'm sorry. I don't know everybody.--Virgin Megastore, Times SquareOverheard by: Gladys M
Headline by: Steve
Runners-Up:
· "A Virgin employee apologizing... she must be new, she hasn't grown a superiority complex yet" - Matthew McGuirl
· "Have you ever read anything by Seuss?" - Steve Harhart
· "He never could deliver a pick-up line without getting angry" - AK
· "I Need a Gay Male Employee at the Front Desk Please, a Gay Male Employee" - Jennifer Koretsky
· "I think she was in something with Tom Cruise...?" - Michelle
· "Plus he lost her at "documentary"" - Amy Stephenson
· "Sales clerk caught unaware of hip new trend called "History"" - Andy
· "She wears a nametag to satisfy her own curiosity" - Amanda
· "They're Dead to Me" - Toby
· "Wait. . . Your'e Telling Me Stuff Happened Before I Was Born?" - DanC
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Two Kilos? She Wishes
Black guy: Two for Akeelah.
German girlfriend: What? What are you buying? Two kilos for what?
Black guy: No. Akeelah.
German girlfriend: I don't understand. Two kilos of what? That makes no sense.
Black guy, rolling his eyes: No! Akeelah! Akeelah!. Akeelah! Two for Akeelah!
German girlfriend: I still don't understand.
Black guy: Akeelah and the frickin' Bee!!!
German girlfriend: OHHHHH!
--Union Square Stadium 14, Broadway & 13th
His Favorite Is The Two Towers
Hipster girl #1: Why would someone tell you that right after meeting you?
Hipster girl #2: Honestly, why can't you just say your favorite movie is The Lord of the Rings instead of Lord of the Rings porn?
--Bedford & South 2nd, Williamsburg
That Was Actually Just Simon's Booty Call
Guy setting up stage: Hey did American Idol confirm?
Other guy setting up stage: Yeah, Simon confirmed for 1:30 PM.
Tourist: Oh my God are you serious?!
Other guy: Hey Charlie, you were right, it is fun messing with the tourists!
--Ninth Avenue Street Fair
I Thought Guys Liked Fishnets and Bitter Irony
Guy #1: Why are hipster chicks so unattractive?
Guy #2: Because if they were attractive they would be accused of conforming, and then they might even have to get excited about something....god forbid.
--5 train
Spicy Rock Always Ends Up Alone
Teen boy #1: Oh man, it was like an episode of I Love Lucy.
Teen boy #2: I love who?
Teen boy #1: Lucy. Oh man,you don't know what I Love Lucy is? Bam! I ain't your friend no more.
--Q train
Except He Couldn't Get His Blowdryer Past the Metal Detector
Guy #1 to guy #2: Those sunglasses look really good on you. They go nicely with your complexion.
Guy #3: That was an amazingly Fab Five moment.
--Bronx Science
Bad Things Happen When You Teach Evolution
Guido #1: Tuna is not made from dolphins, bro.
Guido #2: I'm telling you, tuna fish is made from dolphins.
Guido #1: No way, bro, tuna are not dolphins!
Guido #2: Then what are they?
Guido #1: They're...chicken of the sea.
--9th St. Path Station
Overheard by: Kevin M
Duh, Kennedy's Buried Under the Kennedy Center
Guido: Hey you talk to me like that again, and I'll talk to my people, who'll talk to your people. And I'll have you buried under Yankee Stadium with JFK.
Other guy: Don't you mean under Giants Stadium with Jimmy Hoffa?
Guido: Whatever!
--Madison Square Garden
My Money's on Julie the Horse-faced Girl
Crazy guy: Jodie Foster is a top notch actress!
Girl: Okay.
Crazy guy: Julia Roberts is going down!
Girl: Are they going to fight?
--Shubert Theater, West 44th Street
cf. "Husband"
Boy: We're watching Pimp My Ride.
Man: What does "pimp" mean?
Boy: It's someone who owns women.
--Washington Square Village
The One Who Doesn't Know Her Place
Little girl: Do you have HBO DIRECTV?
Little boy: I don't know.
Little girl: If you have HBO, you do. My favorite movie is on there: Titanic. It's about a girl who loves a boy and they're all frozen at the end.
Little boy: Who gets slapped?
--F train
Overheard by: stephanie k
Wednesday One-liners for the Thespians
Girl on cell: No...Well yes, you can call me back, just not between the hours of 8 and 10PM...Why do you think? It's Jack Bauer Power Hour!....Uh, times 2. It's going to be motherfucking terrorist-kicking time. That whispering bad ass mofo is going to be going on strong tonight for 2 hours. Praise Jebus!...Bam! Pop! Pow! Jacky should be the father of my children. I will however totally call you directly after the show.
--1st Avenue & 5th Street
Stranger Things Have Happened on Endor
A couple walks by holding hands, a tall man and a short woman.
Chick: What's with the Wookie-Ewok love?
Guy: Dude, that's harsh.
--13th & University
Girl: You know her, she's making stuff up again!
Crazy woman: Hey! Did you just call me Chewbacca?
--1 train
Overheard by: poptart
The LA Flames Have Reached Manhattan
Piano Player: This song from 1980 by Christopher Cross is my favorite song in the whole world.
--Piano Bar, UES
Signs of the Apocalypse
Girl #1: Hey are you going to go see The Da Vinci Code?
Girl #2: Yes! My pastor said it was alright as long as I watched The Passion of the Christ right after.
--Midwood High School
Overheard by: the half jewish kid in the corner
You Gotta Stop Coming Here, Craig
Daily Show warm-up guy: You all know who hosts this show, right?
Audience member: Craig Kilborn!
--The Daily Show studio
Overheard by: Brian Resler
She Hails from Crawfordheim
Vendor guy: Do you like manga? Have you heard of yaoi?
Woman: I'm sorry. I'm German. I'm a little retarded when it comes to language.
--Jacob Javits Center
Nah, Man, Go For Her Purse
Drunk guy: I'm dunzo like the girl Kristin from Laguna Beach...I'm drunk like I'm on The Real World.
Sober guy: Yo, don't throw up in the elevator, man. You should go throw up on that girl's door that we hate.
--Palladium Residence elevator, East 14th Street
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Zines: They're the Blogs You Can Never Delete
Guy: Dude! It's the guy who took over Factsheet 5!
Girl: Who?
Guy: Factsheet 5! It was a zine about zines.
Girl: Who?
Guy: Stop saying "who"! Factsheet 5 is not a person!
Girl: What?
--Park Slope
That's a Show I Want to See
American Man: Do they know in Africa who Helen Keller is?
African Woman: Yes...didn't she have a television show a couple of years ago?
--Forest Hills
Wednesday One-Liners Built the Tower of Babel
Guy: Hey! Where's my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?
--14th & University
Guy on cell: I'll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing...Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.
--Walker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Wolf
Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula's native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.
--Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nosy cinephile
Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.
--13th & University
Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?
--Office, W 36th St
Overheard by: Evan
Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.
--Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he's Mexican by his eyes!
--Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?
--Walgreens, Union Square
Overheard by: Goldie
Businesswoman: Well you can't kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.
--I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St
Hobo: You're not Polish; you just think you're Polish!
--Tompkins Square Park
Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.
--Century 21
Sassy chick: I can't believe she's moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she's only known for two months!
--TGI Friday's, 52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shaina
Wednesday One-Liners Go to Mass
Guy: [something in Spanish]... how do you say "altar boy"? You know, the ones whose little dicks the priest sucks?
--7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jenny B
My New Wife, Wednesday One-liners
Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.
--B train
Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff
Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.
--F train
Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!...What? You got married? But honey, you're gay!
--63rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e-mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve--we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e-mail from his wife and she was like, "Yo bitch, stay away from my husband." So I wrote back, "Don't e-mail me, e-mail your husband who's been cheating on you for two fucking years."
--33rd & Park
Teen girl: Yeah, he's really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.
--Park Slope
Guy: Hey, how's my wife and your kids?
--55th & Madison
Overheard by: Matt
Man on cell: I ain't trying to see you nothin'. I want to marry you. I'm tellin you the truth. T-R-U-F-F. The Truth!
--Atlantic Avenue gas station
Overheard by: Megan
Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don't listen to your wife. Your wife doesn't work here.
--Newark airport
Overheard by: jk
Wednesday One-liners Have Cool Spiny Backs and Tiny Tiny Brains
Woman: That movie's so stupid! They got King Kong and the dinosaurs fighting even though they are from different centuries.
--Mama's Pizza, 106th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kyle T
Teen girl: You know, I don't think I even believe in dinosaurs.
--Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Paul
"...Can I get her autograph?"
Guy: The Dead Kennedys are playing tonight. Oh, excuse me: the "Dead Kennedys."
Girl: Right.
Guy: Like the Dead Kennedys are even the Dead Kennedys without Jello Biafra. It's like the Misfits without Danzig.
Girl: My sister's boyfriend knows their drummer.
Guy: You have a sister?
--L train
Believe Me, You're Better Off Not Knowing
Girl: You know what I really hate?
Guy: What?
Girl: Gays, queers. You know, that kind of stuff.
Guy: Ah...but you watch yaoi.
Girl: So?
--Odessa, Avenue A
Overheard by: allison
This is More of a Bodega Conversation
Italian lady: I think soemtimes I even like coming grocery shopping more for the music they play than the food selection they have.
Spanish guy: Eh, they never have any reggaeton.
Italian lady: Oh, are you sure it's not in the pasta section?
--Whole Foods, Union Square
Now It's "Intentional"
Girl: I really enjoy going to movies by myself these days. Most of the guys I date, we don't have same taste in movies.
Guy: That's a great idea. Plus, you don't get some weirdo trying to
"inadvertantly" place your hand on his cock.
--L train
Overheard by: Vivian
"Thank you for being a friend!"
Chick #1: Who's that actress who plays Blanche Devereaux?
Chick #2: Rue McClanahan!
Chick #1: Okay, you can say it. You're not drunk enough yet.
--2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Winnie Cooper
Peter Jackson Only Does Documentaries
Guy: This remake of King Kong was a good movie; did you ever see the
original?
Girl: Yeah, I didn't know it was a true story.
--42nd & 8th
Take 2 Shots of Headlines, Add One Old Man and Stir
Old Drunk: Did you hear about the guy that shot the judge in Atlanta? Well, they caught him. You know how? After he shot the judge, he ran over to Graceland, where Michael Jackson lives, and he shot Michael Jackson in the leg. That is why Michael Jackson is walking around in his pajamas all the time, because his leg hurts and he can't get dressed.
--N train
Overheard by: AG
It's All Greek to Me
Businessguy: It's a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
--Midtown office
In a New York State of Mind
Woman #1: Don't you hate taking the train so early in the morning? I take it every day.
Woman #2: Could you not talk to me?
--A train
Overheard by: aida
You Can Totally See Up HerSpace
Girl #1: I don't have a boyfriend.
Professor guy: Sure, sure, sure..I can go on MySpace.com and find out the truth.
Class: Ha, ha, ha!
Professor guy: What? You think we don't know about MySpace?
Girl #2: She has a picture of herself in underwear on hers!
--FIT
"Who's Gould?"
B&T girl: Oh my god, is that Kramer?
B&T guy: Oh yeah, hey, I think it is.
Man: That's Elliott fucking Gould.
--Katz's Deli, Houston Street
Eat, Drink, Wednesday One-liners
British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.
--27th Street office
Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I'll pull out your weave.
--Washington Heights
Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau
Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.
--82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: JY
Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald's. It's all middle class people here.
--McDonald's, 47th Street
Overheard by: Christa Bramberger
As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: tee sul
Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.
--Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street
Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Cynthia
Unlike All Other Cultures, Which Are a Product of Our Country
Bimbo: So are you ever going to move back to Europe?
Eurotrash: I was thinking about that a couple of times when I was really, really depressed in LA. American culture is such a product of the country.
--Soho
One Too Many Tarantino Films
Girl: I did, I saw Uma Thurman in Les Mis.
Guy: She wasn't in Les Mis.
Girl: Not on stage, on TV.
Guy: She wasn't in Les Mis on TV.
Girl: I thought it was her, or someone else with that cross-eyed look.
--42nd & 8th
It Depends on Whether He's Serious
Drunk queer: I'm not a fucking asshole! Just because I said I didn't like Shania Twain, I'm an asshole?!
--11th & 3rd
The Mona Lisa Just Burst Out Laughing
Guy: Hey, you seen that movie Grizzly Man yet?
Girl: No, but I really really want to.
Guy: Yeah, it's so good. Hey, you know they're making a movie about the bear guy? Already! And guess who's starring in it!
Girl: I dunno...
Guy: Leonardo da Vinci!
Girl: Who?
Guy: You know! Leonardo da Vinci! Leonardo da Vinci!
--New School elevator, 13th & 5th
Overheard by: Halli Civelek
I Hope Lois Had a Cesarean
Tourist teen girl: I hope we see one of the Olsen twins.
Tourist mom: Oh, they were so cute on that show.
Man: Those kids were disgusting. They weren't cute. They were hideous. They should have put bags over their heads. You know who is a cute baby? Stewie Griffin. You know, from The Family Guy? He wants to kill his mother and take over the world.
Tourist mom: Okay, thanks!
--W Train
Overheard by: Ubiquitous Attorney
Wednesday One-liners Watch VH1
Drunk guy: You're not the boss of me...Bruce Springsteen is the boss of me.
--The Red Lion, Bleecker Street
Guy: Seriously. Puff's attorney called me the other day to say Puff wants me to sign a confidentiality agreement. Puff doesn't want me to disclose that he is the seller. I said to tell Puff that he's the one who has to sign a confidentiality agreement. If the boys at Goldman find out who I am buying from, my credibility is going to be shot forever.
--Anotheroom, West Broadway
Overheard by: Big Lex
Paralegal lady on phone: And I thought to myself, "She looks so familiar, who is she?" Queen Latifah's mother!...No, mangos.
--Office, 50th & 6th
Girl: Well, if he's cranking the bass on a Dixie Chicks song at 2AM on a Monday at a bear bar to sell beer to lesbians he has much bigger problems than he knows.
--The Dugout, Christopher Street
Chick: If we see Robbie Williams tonight, I'm gonna die.
--30th & Park
Hipster guy: Yeah and what's with Simon Cowell? That guy is like the Grinch Who Stole Everything Else.
--Abbey Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Spyridon Panousopoulos
Guy: You know you have reached the lowest point of all human existence when there's a telethon featuring only John Denver music.
--2nd between A & B
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy: God, I love going to Galapagos. You always run into all the right people there. You know, all the people that you haven't seen since that last Yeah Yeah Yeahs show?
--L train
Overheard by: Shannon
Woman on cell: Remember that handsome lawyer who took me out to dinner the other night? Yeah, well, he gave me an STD. It reminded me of a song.
--14th & 6th
Professor guy: Billy Joel, wow. He's got about 10 shows coming up. I bet the stage production budget is through the roof. I'd drive a car onto stage...and smash it into a tree.
--Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Woman: Brian Wilson beat me right the hell up right there; right the hell up!
--43rd between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Ryan Duncan
Old woman: Oh, is Lil' Kim in jail?
--7th & Bleecker
Overheard by: Sarah Doogs
Dude: I was listening to a DMX record the other day, and if that
guy's telling the truth, he's lived quite a life.
--Gee Whiz Restaurant, Greenwich Street
Overheard by: Matthew Alhonte
Asian guy: The time has come fo' mad hip-hop.
--Go Sushi, St. Marks Place
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Crazy lady: Excuse me...Excuse me...Have you heard of a band called "The Diarrheas"? From Washington, DC! With Hillary and...Chuck! Like from Friday the 13th? Do you think they'll be successful?
--11th between 52nd & 53rd
Third floor window guy: Hey fuck you, I don't need you telling me that you are cooler than me, I saw the Ramones in '83!...Fuck you, your not cooler than me, I saw Fugazi's first show, I saw Minor Threat. What is your fucking claim to fame, seeing the White Stripes?
--Rivington & Stanton
Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill
Pragmatist: I figure if I don't get a job in publishing, I'll become a video vixen.
--Dunkin' Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Christine
Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl...I am a dancer!
--34th & 8th
Overheard by: Skye
Ditz: Supposably [sic], she's going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She's so stupid.
--54th St between 9th & 10th
Media scholar: Well it's different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that's great when you're 15.
--20th & 8th
Wednesday One-Liners Hallah Back
Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody's Jewish.
--Dobbin & Norman
Overheard by: Sam Tresler
Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you're not Jewish, you're, like... Jewish.
--Post-Yankees game on B train
Overheard by: Indiana
Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza!
--Grand Central Station
Overheard by: X-tal
Lady suit: Are you saying you'd rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater?
--18th & 6th
Overheard by: emily
JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate!
--71st & Columbus
Overheard by: DebDan
Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there's food around I have to eat it -- even if I'm not hungry.
--Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Em
Queer: No, like, of course you're not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews.
--113th & Broadway
Overheard by: hilla
Finishing Together Should Be Easy by Now
Very old lady to husband: You asshole! YOU ASSHOLE! I hate you.
Old husband: Wha?
Old lady: You didn't wait for me, you fucking asshole.
--Clearview Cinemas, 62nd & 1st
Well Baby, I Went Down and Got It For You
Guy: Hey, isn't that the painting from the Titanic?
Girlfriend: That is not even a possibility.
Guy: [looks confused] Well then, it's one of them. And look! It was made in 1917!
--Metropolitan Museum of Art
I Usually Bring a Dog to Translate
Girl: I was walking and there was a group of Dominicans talking on the corner and the only reason I understood what they were saying was because I've been listening to a lot of reggaeton.
Guy: They must've been talking about fucking someone.
--West 4th & Thompson
Overheard by: Angel V.
Wednesday One-liners Aren't the Sharpest Knife
Chick: Yeah, this book, Lions and Witches and shit; I like to read weird shit and send it to my boyfriend in jail.
--2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Amanda Morante
Man, It Was Probably Gates or Clinton
A girl and guy are making out on the street.
Guy: I gotta go.
Girl: Wait, come back.
Guy: I'm busy.
Girl: What's your name?
Guy: Bill.
Girl: How can I get in touch with you?
Guy: Google it.
--11th Street & 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Laina and Nathan (A NYC Short Story)
Man: Why'd you read all my email?
Woman: I only did it once.
Man: Yeah, right. You mentioned whether I wrote to Barry about that girl from Canada out of the blue, where'd that come from?
Woman: Why would I lie?
Man: It's against the law. You violated me. I'd never do that to you.
Woman: You'd do it.
Man: No.
Woman: You don't get it.
Man: I do.
Woman: Here, read my email.
Man: No.
Woman: Read mine!
Man: Laina, no!
Woman: "I liked the way you touched me after yoga class--"
Man: Laina, it was a joke!
Woman: It's not funny.
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You fucked her! And what about Match.com girl? You gave her your home email.
Man: Please. When was this?
Woman: January. What is that? You want to screw other people? Why is that?
Man: Laina...it was a joke.
Woman: Oh, and what about this? "I love the way your long hair shakes down onto my chest. I will have to repay you soon."
Man: I didn't pay her a dime.
Woman: Two weeks later you went with me and my family to the Vineyard.
Man: You have every right to be upset. It was once, honey!
Woman: You told me you loved me!
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You don't joke like this with someone you used to fuck and still likes you.
Man: I didn't fuck her.
Woman: She still likes you.
Man: Laina.
Woman: You're sick, Nathan! You hear me?! You're just sick!
--Cafe Pick Me Up, Avenue A
Overheard by: Gideon Wallace
Think of It More as Jesus's Shot Glass
Girl #1: So the entire time i'm watching this movie, I'm like, what is the Holy Grail? They never explain what it is. And I'm thinking it's probably like, some kind of trophy or something...? Like maybe a fashion trophy...? Or something...?
Girl #2: Uh huh.
Girl #1: Yeah but no, it turns it out it actually has to do with like, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene or something.
Girl #2: So it was like... Jesus's trophy?
--H&M dressing room, 5th Ave
Rush Forgot His Pills
Old man: You think Hillary Clinton could be president? You're out
of your mind. Hillary Clinton couldn't get arrested in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifties. She's ugly, she's stupid and she has a big fat ass. She's like a Hitler in female. All right, I'll stop now and be a gentleman.
Guy: Okay.
Old man: Any Democrat on this train who thinks Hillary Clinton could be president is masturbating in their mind. All one hundred of them.
Guy: You have a nice night.
--R train
Overheard by: Dave and Lauren
She Admires Their Ability to Smear Their Foes
Lady lawyer: Hey, what animal year are you?
Boy attorney #1: The monkey, I think.
Boy attorney #2: Dude, chimpanzees freak me out after seeing Outbreak.
Boy attorney #1: That was a monkey, not a chimpanzee.
Lady lawyer: The thing I don't like about monkeys is their butts.
--Office, East 45th Street
Readers: Answer This Gauche Question
Office worker #1: Fred Wertheimer? He's the husband of the fabulous Linda Wertheimer...
Office worker #2: Who is that?
Office worker #1: She is a really famous radio person on NPR.
Office worker #2: What is NPR?
--Midtown office
Super-size Me, Mr. Bond
Daughter: You're always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know..."da da da da da I'm loooovin' it."
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
--Central Park
Wednesday One-liners Need Some Space
Bus driver: Move to the back of the bus. They're giving free diamonds in the back of the bus. See that lady in the back for your free diamond.
--M2 bus
Guy: I hate this city. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a production.
--W 44th, near filming of Spiderman 3
Overheard by: Alex
I Have to Catch Mackerel North from Clam Central Station
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need to rush onto this train, pushing others and possibly risking a fall, an injury, or worse. This is a 6 train and at this time of day there will be another 6 train every 5 minutes, so there is no need to risk injury... There will be another 6 train coming in 5 minutes. What do you think this is, the Tunaville Trolley? This is the 6 train!
--6 train
She Listened to Michael Jackson
Guy #1: Who is that playing?
Guy #2: Norah Jones.
Guy #1: Isn't she the one who started something?
Guy #2: Started what?
Guy #1: Like didn't she stand up on a bus?
--Whole Foods, Union Square
That's Being Chi-curious
Girl #1: Wow. Akiva Goldsmith's really made something for himself...for a Jew.
Girl #2: God you're a racist.
Girl #1: What makes me a racist? I'm part Jewish.
Girl #2: An hour ago you asked me why all Asians look the same.
--Loews Lincoln Square, West 68th Street
Overheard by: Pop Iris
Can Someone Translate Into Brooklyn?
Teen girl: I would like to. Notwithstanding, I--
Old lady: Never say "notwithstanding" in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck...?
Old lady: Notwithstanding and two financial empires have already
collapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Missoula, Montana.
Old lady: You're making my point, darling!...So, Redford says "notwithstanding"? No kidding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.
--Trump Tower elevator, 56th & 5th
Overheard by: Bertrand Latour
The PATH Train at 33rd (A NYC Short Story)
Hobo: Where are you going?
Drunk guy: Bermuda. I'm connecting to the plane.
Drunk guy: Is that your cousin?
Hobo: Yeah!
Drunk guy: He didn't even say nothing to you. That's fucked up!
Hobo: My name is Peter. Peter Parker. I'm Spider-Man's father.
The hobo shows the drunk guy his bottle. The drunk guy takes out a can of beer and a bottle of whiskey
Drunk guy: So what? You trying to beat me? You started a competition and I beat you. I came prepared.
--PATH train
Overheard by: Tony Gabriel
All Set with the Webbed Feet
Teen girl #1: Hey, we could go as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, that's a good one
Teen girl #1: You'd only need a mask...They're frogs, right?
--Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway
The dirtiest song ever
Female Hipster, singing: Boom boom boom, let's go back to my room...
Male Hipster: I remember when that song came out--that was the dirtiest song imaginable!
-- Lolita
As Long as She's with Her People
Lady hobo: 'ey, you got the Boys Gone Crazy?
Cashier Dude You mean Girls Gone Wild?
Lady hobo: Yeah man, girls gone crazy, whatever, it'll do.
--Fantasy World, 7th Ave
Time to Diss Him from the Cover of Elle
Girl #1: I just don't get it! He said they were just friends... But they were always hanging out. Then all of a sudden he dumps me!!
Girl #2: Girl friend, you've been Jolie'd!
--C train
Wednesday One-liners Read InStyle
Guy: They had to cut off my favorite jeans, and my Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! hoodie. I was pissed, man. I made that thing myself. I put the pixelated blood on it and everything. I would have said
something, but you know, I was kind of unconscious.
--Canal Street 6 station
Overheard by: Caitlyn Howell
Cue the Least Romantic Song Ever
Thug #1: Kelly Bundy's dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I'd break her clit if I had the chance.
--F train
Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I'm going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no.
--42nd between 9th & 10th
Mel Gibson's Guide to Alienating Hollywood While Making 100 Million Dollars
Med student #1: Some people say that The Passion of The Christ doesn't follow the book.
Med student #2: What book?
--122nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Khalilah
Rude Would Have Been Kinder
New Yorker: Coney Island is fun if you like that stuff. I mean, there's a lot of nationalities down there so their accents are all...They talk like the Sopranos. Do you know about the Sopranos?
Tourist: Um.
--R Train, 28th St
Overheard by: Nick McDowell
It's Because FTL Killed 40% of His Brain Cells
Guy #1: The horse?
Guy #2: SJP.
Guy #1: S...J...
Guy #2: Oh, for God's sake: Sarah Jessica Parker! Don't be so innuendo-challenged; nobody will invite you anywhere!
--Bedford & Clymer, Williamsburg
Bird Flu is Also a Trend
Girl: Do you sell tights with feet?
Store chick: Sorry, we only sell stuff that's trendy.
--Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Amusled
Wednesday One-liners Flip Channels
Guy on pay phone: Hey Tom, it's Jerry.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Matthew Suss
Don't Ask Her About the Pigeons
Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we're like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who's Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I've been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you're the tall, thin, uptight one and I'm the short, fat, stupid one.
--Union Square
More Like "You Need to Come Out"
Sorority girl #1: How are things going with him?
Sorority girl #2: Okay, I guess. I mean, his favorite band is the Smiths, so I'm like "you need to get out of 1999, dude."
--Blue Ribbon bakery, Downing Street
Overheard by: Adam Graham
Star... Something... Something
Teen boy #1: No, the gold one is called 'CD3' or something. The little one is, like, 'R4M23.'
Teen boy #2: I think the gold robot was named 'R3DM24.' It was the small one that was 'C-something.'
Teen boy #3: No, man, the gold guy was 'C3DDO,' and the little silver one was 'RH52' or some shit.
Frustrated 30-something lady behind them: The gold one is 'C3PO' and the smaller one is 'R2-D2'!
Teen boy #2: Oh, thanks -- you can tell we're not Trekkies.
--M15 bus
Wednesday One-liners Stock Up on Nair
Man with facial hair: You can only really pull off a Fu Man Chu if you're a cop, a gay porn star, or a pirate.
--Virgin Records, Times Square
Guy to his girlfriend: You are one hairy bastard
--78th & 1st
A Two-Fister to the End
Guy: They have Bob Marley's last burrito -- just like the other place we went to.
Girl: Didn't he only have one last burrito?
--Burritoville, East Village
Never Forget
Woman #1: God, that was so funny when all of those Nazis walked into the courtroom and their hairstyles were like Hitler's!
Man: Well, I mean, it makes sense, I guess. You know, people always copy famous people when it comes to stuff like that.
Woman #2: Yeah, like remember when I had that terrible Dorothy Hamill haircut?
--Houston Street station
Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut
Woman: This block has the best garbage!
--2nd Avenue & 8th Street
Girl on cell: We've already got plans again for this weekend. I'm really excited about this guy; he's great. He's really driven, really ready to succeed. He's a doctor...No, not in real life, on TV.
--57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Heather
White guy: That wasn't the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.
--Astoria party
Overheard by: Noah Starr
Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.
--Broadway & Prince
Girl: In theory...I was going to end that sentence with, "the dolphins will be OK."
--7 train
Overheard by: Amado Angel
Lady: Well, he's an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he's a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.
--Midtown office
In a De-luxe Apartment in the Sky
Two kids are looking at the Dove ad campaign showing Hanna-Barbera characters with new hairdos.
Kid #1: Yo, look at that Jetsons mom's hair.
Kid #2: What's the Jetsons?
Kid #1: You don't know the Jetsons? Dem's those niggas that live in space.
--N train going uptown
The Trailers Will Go Down in History
Journalism professor: Can anyone, for extra credit, give me two words to describe this day that will go down in history?
Silence
Professor: I'll give you a clue -- it has to do with President Bush.
Random student: "Mission accomplished!"
Girl #1 to her friend: Mission Impossible? What does Tom Cruise have to do with Bush?
Girl #2: Yeah, I know, that movie isn't even out yet!
--Silver Center, NYU
God Will Never Fix Him Now
Crazy guy: I give you Jesus!
Blind man: Is that Mel Gibson? You nitwit!
--97th & Broadway
Gee, Where Did He Find Those Guests...
White chick #1: Whatever happened to Jerry Springer?
White chick #2: Yeah, remember when he was like, it? You'd see him everywhere.
White chick #1: Yeah, he made that movie and all.
White chick #2: I heard he's running for Mayor of Ohio.
White chick #1: Get out!
--Greenwich & North Moore
Strange How You Never See Them Together
Little boy #1: I'm telling you, Elvis lives, man.
Little boy #2: Where's my mom?
--187th & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: yum
The News Has Gotten So Boring Lately
Stoner #1: Yo, why did newsboys used to shout "Extra!" when they'd sell papers?
Stoner #2: I don't know... maybe the news was about.. like... X-Men... like, mutants...
Stoner #1: Yeah... true... maybe.
--University & 8th
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Wednesday One-liners Miss St. Elsewhere
Guy on cell: I don't think it's time yet to do the professional intervention thing. I mean if she drops down below 90, then maybe it's time. But I'd like to her get down to 95, then she would be hot. As long as she doesn't lose those 5 in her tits. Shit, she has nice tits.
--Whole Foods, Union Square
Amen, Brother. Amen.
Guy #1: Hey, would you like a free cd?
Guy #2: Eh...
Guy #1: Do you like Led Zeppelin and Monty Python's Flying Cir--
Guy #2: Oh hellll no.
--Williamsburg
Time for a New Wingwoman
Lady on train: What are you watching?
Overexcited man with portable DVD: The Da Vinci Code.
Lady: Oh! Cool! Is it good?
Overexcited man: It's EXCELLENT!
Lady: Oh -- I heard from people that the book was better.
Lady's friend: That's bullshit. She doesn't read.
--Penn Station, LIRR
Overheard by: Jordo VB
In LA, This Passes for a Threat
Thug #1: ...and the next thing you know, you'll be doing Miss Congeniality 3.
Thug #2: Word.
--39th & 8th
He Read That Time Machine Book
Chick: Did you ever watch wrestling?
Guy: I used to watch it back when it was real.
--2nd & 2nd
He Ended Up Totally Fried
Man #1: I dunno, Richard Pryor was too...gross for me.
Man #2: Oh yeah?
Man #1: Yeah...Pretty good for a guy that did a lot of drugs, though.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: You know what I just found out? Hunter Thompson did a lot of drugs, too.
Man #2: Really?
Man #1: Apparently.
--Associated Supermarker, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Gus
Try the Channel Below Law & Order
Guy #1: So what do you do now?
Guy #2: Grab some food, go home, have a shower, watch Cops...
Guy #1: There's no Cops on TV at this time.
Guy #2: There's always Cops on some channel, just switch from channel to channel and you can watch it 16 hours straight.
--Broadway & Montrose, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Olaf
Yeah, Plymouth
Guy: What do you like, then? What do you like?
Girl: Progressive rock.
Guy: "Progressive"? Meaning...to change with the times?
Girl: Yes, I guess as opposed to conservative rock.
Guy: There is a conservative rock?
--Barnard College elevator
Overheard by: tiddlypomtiddlypom
Maybe You Should Work on Your Accent
Woman #1: My principal says you can get French lessons as an iPod.
Woman #2: An "iPod"?
Woman #1: Yeah...they're about 15 minutes long, they come on your computer, and they're free.
Woman #2: Hmm.
Woman #1: Wait, I mean a podcast.
Woman #2: "Podcast"? Sounds like it comes from aliens.
--Patisserie Claude, West 4th Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
There's Wednesday One-liners All Over Town
FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.
--Slainte, The Bowery
Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I'm sad, and I'm like, "I'm not sad, I'm from New York."
--St. Mark's between 1st & A
Overheard by: Danny G.
Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain't ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!
--5 train
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?
--43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: katie cunningham
Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there's garbage on the curb. To me, that's democracy.
--University & 11th
Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they're tourists.
--57th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Well I'm sorry, Princess, if New York doesn't smell like a bed of roses!
--Church & Worth
Overheard by: Becka Dash
NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won't turn left!
--Penn Station
NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg...doesn't work...can't turn left. Read all about it!
--Penn Station
Overheard (correctly) by: Toon
Moms Love Wednesday One-liners
Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!
--2/3 train
Mother: Come here. You're seven years old and you can't fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.
--W. 53rd & 10th
Overheard by: James Shannon
Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they'd learn how to pronunciate words correctly.
--Angelo's, 55th Street
If I Were Adam Sandler I Would Have Asked Satan for My Soul Back Circa Mr. Deeds
Man: Wow, you're here already? That was quick.
Woman: Yeah, if I was Adam Sandler I would have said, "That was click!"
--West 44th St
Overheard by: Tomer Langberg
The Comics Section is a Real Gas
Girl #1: ...and I went on the American Nazi Party website, and it's--
Girl #2: I know! It's hysterical.
--26th & Park
Overheard by: Kevin Stone
But Now That You Mention It...
Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn't know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.
--Times Square
Oprah, to Hitman: Yeah, She's About Eight, Eight and a Half. Blonde Hair, Green Eyes...
Little girl: Mom, look! I saw that lady on TV! That lady is on TV!
Mom: What lady? Where?
Little girl: That fat lady! That fat lady over there is on TV!
--Dinosaur BBQ, W 131st St
Overheard by: Alison R.
Wednesday One-liners, Baby Chic
Casting person: Ok, here's the problem, they don't wan't a baby with a huge head compared to his chest, nor do they want to see gross veins all over its chest. They want the fucking Gerber baby, ok?
--38th between 7th & 8th
Friend to new mother with infant: All babies look great in black. Did you know that?
--Madison & 91st
Overheard by: Kelly Smith
Woman: Actually, now that they've started talking, the twins are much less creepy.
--Central Park
V for Velveeta
Guy: So I was invited to a party at Natalie Portman's apartment, and--
Girl: Natalie Portman from The Facts Of Life?
--46th & Vanderbilt
Overheard by: longtimelistener
I'm Guessing Someplace in Long Island
Chick #1: Hey, guess what I found out?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: Bugs Bunny is from Brooklyn!
Chick #2: That's bullshit. Last time I checked, Bugs Bunny lived in a hole, not a brownstone.
Chick #1: Ha, ha! I love you. I swear, you're so witty sometimes. I'm not even kidding.
Chick #2: I know, right? I don't know where I come up with this stuff.
--Rockefeller Plaza
Most Children Are
Intellectual: I can't believe some adults enjoy reading those Harry Potter books; they're just awful.
Book vendor: Maybe some of them are still children.
Intellectual: I think some of them are psychopaths.
--W. 4th & Greene
Overheard by: Brian Lang
You Dork! It's Wednesday One-liners
Guy: So in your fantasy life you're a scholar? That's ridiculous!
--Williamsburg party
Store guy: I love maps! I could look at maps all day. Maps, and Playboy.
--Barnes & Noble, W. 82nd Street
Overheard by: Brooklyn Julie
Guy on cell: Dude, we should bring lightsabers!...I brought my lightsaber for the last two...
--27th & 3rd
Chick: I could get 100 phone numbers in one night if I went to a sci-fi convention!
--Serendipity, E. 60th Street
Overheard by: Djlindee
There's Our Problem: Not Enough Dead Children
Lady: They've got psychiatrists for dogs. They've even got their own cemeteries. They've got more things than kids!
--Eckerd's, Bensonhurst
Younger brother: I wish I could jump over buildings like Spider-man.
Older sister: Little buildings or really tall buildings?
Younger brother: Tall buildings.
Older sister: I bet you could. Why don't you try it sometime?
--M14 bus
Surrendering to Your Fate Will Be Sweet, Though
Girl: It's this way.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: I know where all the Jamba Juice is.
Guy: Are.
Girl: What?
Guy: Are. You know where all the Jamba Juice are.
Girl: Is.
Guy: Are! Each franchise is a separate entity!
Girl: Is! They're all part of single collective!
Guy: Jamba Juice is not the Borg!
--50th & Broadway
2+3=4?
Guy: It seems like the first couple of seasons of the Sopranos were exciting, but the last few have been boring.
--D Train
Thinks Ella Fitzgerald Wrote The Great Gatsby
Tourist #1: You know that song that Billy Strayhorn wrote, called "Take The A Train"? He wrote it about taking the A train up to Harlem, and then he gave it to Duke Ellington. The rest is history.
Tourist #2: Who's Duke Ellington?
Tourist #1: Never mind!
--A train
Football Teams Do It All the Time
Teen girl #1: Oh my god, I wanna be on Made!
Teen girl #2: Like the tv show?
Teen girl #1: But everything has been done already.
Teen girl #3: They could make you into a lesbian.
--4 train
Wednesday One-liners Belong in a Zoo
Girl: Yeah, so, did you hear that the bald eagle isn't extinct anymore?
--Central Park
"...you can't be tried as an adult, so shoot to kill."
Boy, 7: Who's that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz.
--B48 bus
Wednesday One-liners in Tails
Tux: You know my ex-boyfriend, right? Come on, you remember him. His sister was in jail with Amy Fisher?
--Therapy, 52nd & 9th
Tux: Stop singing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. That's all I'll ever ask of you.
--Tonys after-party for Jersey Boys, Hard Rock Cafe
The Very Spot Where They First Pitched Joey
Tween girl on tour #1: This hallway smells like a hospital.
Tween girl on tour #2: Yeah, it reminds me of my mom's wake.
Tween girl on tour #1: Yeah, mine too.
--NBC Studios, 30 Rock