Archive for the ‘9 to 5-ers’ Category

Unwanted Foreigners

Cashier: Here’s your receipt. Have a nice day.
Customer: Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to get a taxi around here?
Cashier: Well, you are in Midtown Manhattan, so it’s pretty easy.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: Where are you from?
Customer: Staten Island.
Cashier, under breath: Figures… –J. Crew, Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Al

…And, Frankly, You're Lucky I'm Even Talking to You.

Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I'll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you'll get your passport back in two weeks. –Post Office, Grand Central Overheard by: Adam Lazarus

Now, Less Than Ever

Salesguy: Would you ladies like to come in? Can I help you find anything?
Chick #1: Oh, no thanks.
Chick #2: The perfume's too much for us.
Salesguy: You could hold your noses.
Chick #2: Uh, I think we'd pass out eventually.
Chick #1: Yeah, you don't want that. Ambulances are bad for business.
Salesguy: I've always wanted to ride in the back of an ambulance!
Chick #2: Um…
Chick #1: Actually, it's a bit of a role reversal. We're waiting for my husband to finish shopping.
Salesguy: Oh, which one is your husband?
Chick #1: He's right there.
Salesguy: The one with the ponytail? Looks like a vampire? Hot.
Chick #1: Uh, yes, that's him.
Salesguy: Boy, you're one lucky lady.
Chick #1: I know. Thanks.
Salesguy: Hey, does he have a brother?
Chick #1: Yes.
Salesguy: Just kidding. Does he have a sister?
Chick #1: No.
Salesguy: Oh. Well, I was still kidding. You sure you don't want to come in? –Outside The Body Shop, 76th & Broadway Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners’ Eyes Are Bigger Than Their Stomachs

20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life? –Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker? –St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human. –B Train Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c-town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs. –Union Square Whole Foods Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream -that’s perishable, right? Butter -non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge? –E 60th St Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore! –E 13th St & 1st Ave

And All This Time I Thought It Was a Compatibility Issue

Semi-irate customer: You mean all you did was swap out the USB cable?
Apple store guy: I guess the old girl just likes some new cable once in a while. –Apple Store, West 14th Headline by: g Runners-Up:
· “…and If Your Feeling Adventurous, Try the Firewire Port.” – You might need some plugins first though…
· “And Occasionally a Bigger Hard Drive” – Chris
· “How Steve Jobs Talks Raunchy” – Julia
· “Now Take Her Home, Boot Her Up and Give a Little Wine and TLC Before You Go Trying to Violate All Her Ports Again.” – Gabbertoons
· “Too Many and She’ll Get a Virus” – Henk
Click here to see the new Headline Contest