Archive for the ‘Abortion’ Category

How You Know It's Time to Distract Your Child with Ice Cream

Small boy: So abortion isn't like killing, it's like stopping?
Small boy's mother: Yes, honey…it's all very complicated, but, some people think that a baby can't be killed when it's inside the womb because it's not really a baby yet.
Small boy: So, it's not a baby till it's out?
Small boy's mother: That's right.
Small boy: And then we can kill them?

–M103 Bus

Overheard by: Lilly

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!

–Broadway & Prince

Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?

–Fordham Plaza

Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?

–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone

Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.

–E Train

Overheard by: Giggling at crack

Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alfie

If Fox News Writers Scripted a Teen Drama

15-year-old girl #1: Are you talking politics over there? Just shut up!
15-year-old girl #2: Yeah we are–it's all about Obama.
15-year-old girl #1: What is Obama doing for me?
15-year-old girl #2: What is Obama doing for you?! I'll tell you. He's out there, trying to fight for health care to cover all of us. That abortion you need–you shouldn't have to pay for it. That shit should be covered. None of this abstinence shit.

–A Train

Overheard by: Elana

Thank Goodness We Don't Actually Have to Know Anything About Their Bodies

Yuppie guy: God, I can't even finish this. I feel completely bloated, like some chick. Disgusting.
Hipster guy: You feel like a chick?
Yuppie guy: Yeah…you know, like all girls get once a month: Bitchy, bloated, and popping those pills.
Hipster guy: You mean, like, the abortion pill?

–Pizza Shop, E 34th & 1st St

If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One

Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brooklyn Music School

Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey

Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!

–110th & Amsterdam

Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!

–Times Square

Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!

Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Andres

Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wants to know why!

Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!

–Hudson & Charles

Overheard by: lilli

Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: TOD

Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!

–94th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sargeant Pants

Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Julia