Archive for the ‘Abortion’ Category

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Wednesday One-Liners in Cat Eye Glasses

Hipster girl to hipster guy: … And it’s like, he cums on me and it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything!

–L train platform, Union Square

Overheard by: Ht-hrw

Hipster: You know, ‘bedbugs’ is just a classy name for crabs.

–7th & Ave A

Hipster: I better not be a virgin by the time I get home.

–14th St & Union Square South

Overheard by: Almost Tourist

Hipster girl: So, I took ecstasy yesterday, and I was playing a lot of flute.

–Outside The Slaughtered Lamb

Overheard by: bonzo

Hipster girl to friends: My mother thought I was a virgin until I told her that I’d had an abortion.

–120th & Amsterdam

Hipster: Well, I can’t help it if their tits shrivel up into tiny raisins!

–Montrose stop

Overheard by: big baby

Hipster chick: So, all my guy friends are really into her! There’s just something about her that really turns guys on, and it’s not just because she’s blind.

–Columbus Circle

So You Should Probably Stop Making Out with Her

Hipster girl: You know Mabel’s dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]

–9th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch


Headline by: troy


Runners-Up:
· “And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose” – David Reitmeyer
· “If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I’d Never Have Named The Fetus” – ED
· “Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend’s cat in the microwave” – alexcalibur
· “There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!” – mimi marquez




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Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t Having It

Ditz: This chair is so comfortable. It feels just like the chair they let me sit in for 30 minutes after I got my abortion… No, that one was even more comfortable!

–Kmart, Astor Pl

Girl on cell: And it worked? So, when are you going to miscarry? You are so smart. That’s awesome. Teach me, Simone. Teach me.

–Subway from Ditmars Blvd into Times Square

Overheard by: Meg

Chick: They were on a roadtrip in Ohio. They had this idea to bum-rush the abortion clinic protestors. She would throw her mom down on the ground and start eating her out. Then they would get up and run away.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Seven-year-old girl: So, Mommy, why did Aunt Debbie kill the baby in her tummy?

–3rd St & 5th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matty H

Hipster girl on cell: Seriously, every time I hear a guy say he’s pro-choice I just want to have his babies.

–Housing Works Bookstore

Blond man on cell: Thank you for calling the abortion clinic. You rape ‘em, we scrape ‘em… Hi, Dad.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Brady