Archive for the ‘Abortion’ Category

Thank Goodness We Don't Actually Have to Know Anything About Their Bodies

Yuppie guy: God, I can't even finish this. I feel completely bloated, like some chick. Disgusting.
Hipster guy: You feel like a chick?
Yuppie guy: Yeah…you know, like all girls get once a month: Bitchy, bloated, and popping those pills.
Hipster guy: You mean, like, the abortion pill? –Pizza Shop, E 34th & 1st St

If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One

Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha! –Brooklyn Music School Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion! –Times Square Overheard by: Mickey Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you! –110th & Amsterdam Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club! –Times Square Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion. –D Train Overheard by: blistexaddict

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!

Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help. –LIRR Overheard by: Andres Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think. –Greenpoint, Brooklyn Overheard by: Wants to know why! Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City! –Hudson & Charles Overheard by: lilli Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker. –Washington Heights Overheard by: TOD Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop! –94th St & Central Park West Overheard by: Sargeant Pants Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh… –86th St & Lexington Overheard by: Julia

Wednesday One-Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade." –NJ Transit Overheard by: Dashing Dan Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing. –21st St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Lezbotron Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer. –10th & 1st Overheard by: ED Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head. –Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies. –50th St & 9th Ave Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now. –F Train Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

She’s Not Even the Toughest Woman on Avenue A

30ish girl, looking at twenty-year olds: Are they going on about how old they are? Oh, please.
45ish rocker chick: Yup, they are.
30ish girl: I think I’m older than they are!
45ish: Me too. From the look of things, they’re about the age of my first abortion.
30ish girl: [Chokes on beer.]
45ish: Wonder how old that would be now?
30ish girl: Please stop. –Double Down, Ave A Overheard by: Happygirl

Did the Boy Oversleep, Too?

Big black guy: I thought she was goin’ to get an abortion?
Tiny Rican girl: Yeah, but she overslept and missed her appointment.
Big black guy: How do you miss an abortion appointment?!
Tiny Rican girl: Well she’s only seventeen, she’s not really responsible yet.
Big black guy, yelling: Well then maybe she shouldn’t have been thinking about sex yet! For Christ’s sake she missed her abortion appointment! What a whore! –H&M, Brooklyn Overheard by: SaraSil

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Dirty Job, but Somebody’s Gotta Do Them

Conductor: Attention, everyone, we are not interviewing for train conductors! Stop trying to control the doors — that’s my job. We are, however, seeking passengers. Please enter the train and sit down to be interviewed for that position. –1 train, 125th St Overheard by: Jeff McCrum Clearly intoxicated girl: I decided to go from working to doing a lot of drugs… –42nd & 8th Overheard by: ADA 20-something: You know, I’m just lucky I have a job at all! I mean, I did go to state school! –Morton & Hudson Overheard by: Sam Emo teen, running taking pictures: See, this is why I got fired from American Apparel — because I would come into work acting like this! –Vanessa’s Dumplings, E 14th & 3rd Overheard by: Maggie Elisabeth Lady on a Bluetooth: Girl, you’ve got CEO dreams with a McDonald’s work ethic. –W 60th St, between Columbus & Broadway Loud man to loud friends: It was just him running around getting punched in his codpiece and yelling, ‘You killed my father.’ Yeah, I think he has a new job now. –109th & Amsterdam

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy! –Grand Central Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant! –TGI Fridays Overheard by: Sara Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts! –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Hannah Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex. –Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th Overheard by: jmike Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time! –96th St station Overheard by: Kind of Confused 20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy