Copy boy: Mr. Murdoch on the line. The news editor on duty picks up the phone. News editor: Right. Right. OK…Source? No source…Right…It’s Gephardt. OK. –NY Post Offices
Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category
Loving Teenagers
Teenage girl #1: What are you talking about? I hate so many people!
Teenage girl #2: No you don’t!
Teenage girl #1: Yes I do!
Teenage girl #2: I always talk about how much I hate Tom and you–
Teenage girl #1: Oh, I don’t hate people I know. I only hate celebrities.
–Williamsburg
Good Old Mullethead
Twit: What’s that song Richard Marx sang?
Chick: Right Here Waiting.
Twit: There’s another one.
Chick: I don’t know.
Twit: It’s going to drive me crazy until I remember. Oh wait! I know! Right Here Waiting for You!
Chick: That’s the same song.
–Winnie’s, Chinatown
So why was she wearing a Chris Isaak t-shirt?
Young Asian woman at a party on the Lower East Side: “…and it turns out that Chris Isaak asked me out only because he has an Asian fetish, and he’s apparently dated every Asian girl in San Francisco, I was creeped out…”
Our First Quasi-Celebrity Submission
A woman wearing a Mick Jagger shirt is approached by a model, who tells her: I like your shirt. Then the model calls her son (about four) over and says: Look at her shirt. That’s his dad, you know. [Turns out that she wasn't joking; the model's name is Luciana Morad.] –Time Warner Center Mall
Return to the Port Authority
Guy on Cell: Have you ever tried to masturbate while Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You” is playing in the background? Well, it’s more difficult than you think… –Port Authority Overheard by: Michael Roche
Homeless Monologues III
Where: 42nd at 5th Ave. Hobo (to himself): Oh, so is that it? Every time you want to make me feel small, you throw Tiger Woods in my face?
Watch Out for Laura; She’s Killed a Man!
Two loudmouths point to pretend celebrities to get people out of their way.
Loudmouth #1: Look! There goes Wesley Snipes!
Loudmouth #2: Look! There goes Eddie Murphy!
Loudmouth #1: Look! There goes George Bush!
Loudmouth #2: Where? I’ll beat his ass.
–7th Ave & 34th St.
“Really? I’ll go get my shovel!”
Girl #1: I love Kurt Cobain. I so would have had sex with him.
Girl #2: That’s like #60 in a long line of dead celebrities you would have had sex with. You’re such a slut!
Girl #1: No, see, you can have sex with as many dead celebrities as you want and not be a whore. It’s the rules.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Let’s Cross That Bridge When You Come On It
Teen Girl: It’s a good thing Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt broke up because I am so going to do him when I meet him. If he is with Angelina Jolie that is even better because I would totally do her too. I would definitely do both of them! –Staten Island Mall