Chick: I love his mole. It’s like Matt Damon…he has a mole. –Starbucks, W. 4th St. Chick: I think it’s sexy that he went to art school. Her two friends start laughing immediately. –Jane, Soho Overheard by: Tamika J.
Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category
Drugs+Music+Sammiches=Hilarity!
Sandwich Lady: I worked with him, you know.
Sandwich Guy: Who?
Sandwich Lady: Eric Clapton. He had a rep office on the island. I met lots of celebrities. KC and Jojo, they came too. They was on drugs.
–Cosi, 45th & Madison
Spinach and the Insane
Nut: The original voice of Popeye was Allen Swift.
Patron: Allen Swift, huh?
Nut: You don’t believe me.
Patron: No, I’m just, um, impressed that you know so much about Popeye.
–Museum of Television and Radio
Time to Diss Him from the Cover of Elle
Girl #1: I just don’t get it! He said they were just friends… But they were always hanging out. Then all of a sudden he dumps me!!
Girl #2: Girl friend, you’ve been Jolie’d!
–C train
Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill
Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Christine
Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Skye
Ditz: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid.
–54th St between 9th & 10th
Media scholar: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.
–20th & 8th
The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner
Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.
–Ave C & 16th St
Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!
–R Train
Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.
–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jason
FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?
–Spruce St
Overheard by: janine
Who's a Good Wednesday One-Liner? You Are!
Serious man to dog: I am very disappointed in you. I expect more of you than that.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Sunny
Woman to pooping Jack Russell terrier: Don't even pay attention to all those people who are looking at you. They all poop too. Everybody poops!
–University & 9th
Little girl, angrily to her dog for going at a mural: You just peed on Barack Obama!
–East Village
Overheard by: Z
Woman to dog: No, we can't go in there; that's an evil pet store.
–50th & 9th
Overheard by: Natalie
Woman to her dog: You know, there are a lot of crazy people in the world. That's why I trust your opinion so much.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Jessie
…Which Is What I Love About Him.
Younger sister: Carrie! Carrie! Carrie! I saw Justin Bieber over there!
Older sister: Justin Bieber sucks.
Younger sister: Yeah, Justin Bieber sucks…
–Park Slope
What You Get for Dicking Around in History Class
Girl #1: Yeah, he knows Dick Clark.
Girl #2: You mean the ex President?
Girl #1: Lol! No!
–Office, Madison Ave & 49th St
I Hear Christ's Gotten a Lot Of Work Done.
Man preaching on subway: And even Michael Jackson has to answer to Jesus Christ himself.
Rush hour passenger: He'd never recognize him.
–F Train
Overheard by: Thom Cohen