Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category

It's Like She Doesn't Think It's Our Business!

Waitress with thick accent: Jennifer Lopez, she pregnant again?
Hostess with equally thick accent: Yes, think so.
Waitress: She never tell anyone!
Hostess: I know, she keeps secret.
Waitress: She go on the talk show. They ask her all the questions. “Are you going to have a baby?” All she do is laugh. She just laugh! She never says anything! She never answers! –Lindy's Resteraunt Overheard by: Chloefron

If Paris Hilton Comes Into Red Lobster, We’ll Discuss It

Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it’s because in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all. –Red Lobster, Times Square Overheard by: Lynne & Craig

This Just In: Jackson Daughter’s Move to Iran Has Unintended Consequences

Preppy girl: So, like, Salman Rushdie had to move to America because that guy issued this fatwa thing against him.
Hipster guy: You mean the Ayatollah?
Preppy girl: I think it’s pronounced “aya-toy-a.”
Hipster guy: Ummm…Yeah, if he were Spanish! –Columbia University Overheard by: not an Ivy-Leaguer

Wednesday One-Liners for Celebretards

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise. –PATH Train Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!" –4th & 10th Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine. –E 11th St Overheard by: j Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"! –Bedford & 6th St Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia. –Borders, Wall St Overheard by: step Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri! –Outside Barrymore Theatre Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

After She Retired from Cosby, Stills, and Nash

Middle aged woman #1: I saw that woman of The Cosby Show near Wall Street yesterday.
Middle aged woman #2: Wow, you did not! Which one?
Middle aged woman #1: Whoopi Goldberg–the one that was married to Bill Cosby in the show!
Middle aged woman #2: Oh yeah, I remember her. I think she changed her name to Whoopi Cosby now. –A Train Overheard by: Dora Olafsson

So, Problem Solved, Right?

Student #1: Like, oh my god, I don’t know what the fuck to do with my life. Shit. I’m like, having a fucking crisis and tripping out. Like, fuck. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I, like, don’t have any insight on my life right now.
Student #2: Oh my god! I forgot to tell you — Whoopi Goldberg came into the Apple Store where I work today, and I was trying not to trip out!
Student #1: Oh my god! I love her! I just found her show on the radio the other day! –Starbucks, Columbus Circle Overheard by: office peon

Clay was at the Bottom of the Contestants

Queer #1: …Well, he’s going to start his own porn company and he asked me to shoot for it.
Queer #2: So are you going to do it?
Queer #1: Hell, yeah! And I get to go auditions and sit there like Simon Cowell and be like, “You’re hot; you’re gross.”
Queer #2: So when they do auditions do they make them try out and do blowjobs and stuff?
Queer #1: No I just think they make them get naked. –F train Overheard by: Joe M.