Archive for the ‘Accidents’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't That Kind Of Streetwalker

Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter. –Herald Square Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win? –E Houston & Ave D Overheard by: haha Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk! –Herald Square Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time. –7th & 23rd Overheard by: Stormy Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car! –Fordham & Hoffman Overheard by: sromeo Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus! –Lower Manhattan Overheard by: Steve

Wednesday One-Liners Reach Maximum Occupancy

Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die. –Fordham University 20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite. –N Train Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me. –Astoria 20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft? –F Train

Fast Times at Wednesday One-Liners

Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!" –Stuyvesant High School Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Goober Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong. –Bard High School Early College Math teacher: Give me your little men! –Spence School English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you. –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners, Now More Than Ever

Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day. –West Village Overheard by: Joe Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York! –1 Train Overheard by: Ashley Nelson Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers! –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Lizzzzz Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town. –1 Train Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city. –City Hall Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York! –34th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Mateo que Feo

Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all! –Gramercy Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet. –L Train Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs. –E Train Overheard by: Pat Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long! –23rd & Park Ave Overheard by: Say what? Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever? –6 Train