Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn't come in fat-ass-bitch size.
–Target, Brooklyn
20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!
–135th & 5th
Overheard by: Howzith
Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: B44 rider
Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you're cute enough to help Taiwan!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: L-Dubbs
Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rob Lovett
Archive for the ‘Activists’ Category
To Be Fair, He's Talking About Idol.
Voter-pusher guy: Remember to vote this Monday!
Voter-pusher girl: It's on Tuesday!
Voter-pusher guy: Thursday! Vote on Thursday!
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Adam
Wednesday One-Liners Symbolically Take Back the Power
Black dude to friend: Well, check this out my nigga! Cracking your knuckles does not lead to arthritis… Mythbusters, my nigga!
–Park Slope
Black pimp on cell: That nigger ain't even give you a little nigga baby. All that nigga ever do is just fuck you and leave your ass, bitch. You got a child yoself, take care of your real nigga baby, because that's the nigga who keeps with you. That nigga won't fuck any other sluts. (notices everybody's staring at him) What the fuck y'all niggas lookin at?
–Social Security Office, East Village
Would-be feminist: Pussy don't have no power no more, because if it did, niggas wouldn't be doin' what they do.
–Jefferson Ave & Throop Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jocasta Spell
Polish woman, walking up to group of ghetto fabs: Yo' wut up, my niggas? (pounds fist with ghetto fab guy)
–Delancy St
Overheard by: Kirkegaard
Crazy black man on phone: When you talk like that I'm gonna call you the N-word! (pause) Don't talk like that! (pause) I want to have sex with you.
–Murray Hill
And They Always Get Drunk and Abrasive When We Go Clubbing
Greenpeace guy: Hey! Do you care about the environment?
Angry student: No.
Greenpeace guy: How about polar bears?
Angry student: No.
Greenpeace guy: Well, why not?
Angry student: They're not tasty.
–Outside Columbia University
What Did the Environment Ever Do for Wednesday One-Liners?
Recycling activist: I myself used to be a plastic bottle!
–Outside BLT Burger, 6th Ave
Overheard by: sromeo
Student: Why the fuck are people still building greenhouses if we have the greenhouse effect?
–Columbia University
20-something to friend: I don't understand the sudden concern about global warming…I mean, it's what happened at the end of the Ice Age!
–LaGuardia Community College, Long Island
Overheard by: lulah
Greenpeace worker: Hey! Do you fucking care about the environment?
–Washington Square Park
Greenpeace guy, with puppy dog face: Are you sad about the trees?
–78th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: citysnidget
Thin Crust, Then?
Cashier to black man coming in with brochures and clipboard: Sir, we don't allow soliciting in here.
Black solicitor: I ain't Sicilian!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Holly
Human Rights Come First, Pal
PETA representative: Excuse me, ma'am, do you have a minute for animal rights?
NYU JAP: I'm wearing leather boots. Do I look like I give a shit about animal rights?
Panhandler: (applauds)
NYU JAP: (gives panhandler a quarter)
–8th & University
Overheard by: byron
People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.
–Bank St. & Greenwich St.
Overheard by: Katie Compa
Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Santiago and Catie
Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!
–W 103rd St
Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.
–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn
Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.
–Townsend Harris High School
Overheard by: amused
Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)
–McDonald's
“Where There Is a Sample Sale, I Will Be There.”
Greenpeace canvasser to two girls with mother: Girls, do you want your mom to be a superhero today?
Mom: I'm already a superhero, I just bought them clothes!
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Erin
How to Get Your Child Chased with Torches, in One Easy Step
Five-year-old girl, watching NYU protest: Mommy, what is going on?
Mom: Oh. it's just kids who don't want to pay for tuition.
Five-year-old girl, screaming to protesters: Pay your tuition!
–NYU