Archive for the ‘Activists’ Category

Try “Doggies for Druggies,” Sir

Young thug to ASPCA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
ASPCA rep: Yes, she is up for adoption, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that's cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
ASPCA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain't gonna beat her.

–Union Square, ASPCA Day

Overheard by: Somebody should beat him.

Said the Grasshopper to the Ant

Guy with clipboard: Hey there! Do you have a minute for gay rights?
Gay dude: Every minute of my life is for gay rights.
Guy with clipboard: Are you aware that there are people in Washington trying to take your rights away?
Gay dude: No shit! That's not news! Leave me alone!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: mille shayntwright

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.

–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!

–Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

–Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

–168 & Broadway

…No Disrespect

(Guy wearing laminated sign bearing photo of the 9/11 commission report approaches shopper)
Signboard guy
: Excuse me, are you a registered voter in New York?

Middle-aged man in suit: Yes.
Signboard guy: We are trying to gather signatures to have the 9/11 commission reopened.
Middle-aged man: You’re a fucking asshole from hell!

–Associated Store, 14th St & 1st Ave

It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One-Liners Look This Good

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]
Bum
: Feel better, pretty.


–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

Which Speaker You Find More Annoying Says a Lot About You as a Person

Environmentalist with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a minute to help save the environment?
Woman in suit: I’m sorry, I already saved the children this morning and then told the Democratic Party to go fuck themselves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the environment today. Maybe tomorrow, hippie.

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: Betty Noir