Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Actor speaking on his cell phone on the subway: “I’m starring in a play called Andorra, about a fictional country in Europe.”
Woman, texting: How do you pluralize "uterus"?
Overheard by: DramaPirate
Kids entertainer, singing: Do you know what a co-creator is? To create is to make something, and when you co-create, you do it together…
–Kindergarten party, Williamsburg
Cashier with cookbook: It's got a table of continents so you can see what's in it!
–Department Store, 225th St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Student: I just love adding "izzle" to the end of words.
Coworker: UPS didn't have the tracking information at first, but then they found it… Good thing, because I was about to blow a casket.
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: Yeah, I was told by one of my drama teachers once, way back in school, that I had the “passion and commitment to theater” that Hitler had.
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #2: Wow!
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: No, it wasn't a compliment, she didn't like me very much.
–Chinese Restaurant, Astoria
50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.
Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants
Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.
–81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Flooey
Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.
–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah
Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.
–W 4th & 6th Ave
Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!
Overheard by: Emilia
Male actor: They didn't hire him for his voice. They hired him to do the part was because he was the last actor in New York City who was willing to put on a cat costume and tour the country for two years.
Female actor: Uh-huh.
–Le Petite Un Deux Trois Restaurant
Overheard by: Truetuft
20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.
Overheard by: Steve Popovich
Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.
–8th St & 5th Ave
Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.
Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!
–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn
Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Eve
Woman: Morty is a great actor, you just wouldn't know it.
Morty: Yeah, I fake it in bed.
–Connelly Theatre, E 4th
Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Special K
Loud girl: I will stab someone just to prove a point.
Overheard by: Martian
Woman on cell walking little boy: I told you he was an asshole last weekend. (pause) Why did you expect any different? (pause) You ain't gonna stab no nigga. I'm gonna call you "Captain Stab 'em." (laughs) You always saying you gonna stab somebody!
Overheard by: Lacy
20-something man: I know…I just couldn't pull out my sword fast enough.
Overheard by: Richard
Actor: Yeah, it's a great part! I play a father who stabs his son…
Young suit: Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, right across the street from my apartment we could buy fireworks? …and swords!
–81st & Broadway
Man in cast: Nah man, I can't I don't have health insurance.
Creepy man: You don't have health insurance?! I can get it for you! Just give me your social security number!
Man in cast: Oh yeah?
Overheard by: Gina