Bearish guy: Did I tell you I got a lead in a film?
Friend: No. Congratulations!
Bearish guy: Yeah, it's a bear film–but it's not a porn!
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Daniel
Archive for the ‘Actors’ Category
'He Sounds Oxycontinental', They Said
Actor: So that's how I screwed up my callback for Jersey Boys–I was on OxyContin.
Friend: Oh my god, that's like legal heroin!
Actor: I know, so I was all fucked up, but I didn't want to say anything. They probably wrote down “reads well, but sings with a very strange accent.”
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
…According to Martha Stewart Living
(movie set in SoHo)
Actor (showing where the fake blood stained his hands red): Man, if real blood did this it would be a lot easier to catch people.
Black guy: Man, ain't that the truth. A little hand sanitizer and that shit come right off.
–Houston & Sullivan
All the World’s a Wednesday and the People Merely One-Liners
Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…
Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.
–Gallery Players, Park Slope
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.
–Lincoln Center
Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!
–Walgreens, Union Square
Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Minerva
Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
Luckily My Wife’s Into That
Female fan (after seeing Tom Wopat in A Catered Affair): You remind me of my father.
Tom Wopat (in New York accent): I’m like everyone’s father.
–Stage Door, Kerr Theater
Overheard by: Andi C.
By “Picture” I Mean “Life-Sized Doll” and By “Wall” I Mean “Bed”
Guy: Hey, this might sound creepy but I have a picture of you on my wall.
Jon Stewart: That is creepy. Do you live in a comedy club?
–Cupcake Cafe, 18th & 26th
The Efficacy of Abstinence-Only Sex Ed, Encapsulated
Clown: Chastity.
Three-year-old boy: Hahahaha!
–W 86th & West End
Overheard by: Emily B.
She Had a Featured Solo in Backside Story
Man, during intermission of Chicago: Did you see the chorus girl with the long auburn hair?
Woman: Yeah?
Man: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her in porn on the internet.
Woman, annoyed: Well, when we get home maybe you can find out for sure.
Man: I’m not saying she can’t sing!
–Ambassador Theatre, W 49th
Overheard by: Big Larry
He Saw His Reflection in It, and He Has a Zit
Actor #1: Shit! Shit! Fuck! Motherfucking son of a bitch!
Actor #2: He’s just mad because Britney shaved her head.
–Ripley-Grier Studios
Overheard by: Cara
On the Plus Side, It’s Gotten Her Active in the Charity Scene
Middle-aged actress #1: I just spent six thousand dollars on chemotherapy for my 13-year-old cat.
Middle-aged actress #2: Oh, I have a great homeopathic vet. What kind of cancer did she have?
Middle-aged actress #1: Breast cancer. She had a full mastectomy.
–Bank St & 8th Ave