Actor speaking on his cell phone on the subway: “I’m starring in a play called Andorra, about a fictional country in Europe.”
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: Yeah, I was told by one of my drama teachers once, way back in school, that I had the “passion and commitment to theater” that Hitler had.
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #2: Wow!
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: No, it wasn't a compliment, she didn't like me very much.
–Chinese Restaurant, Astoria
Male actor: They didn't hire him for his voice. They hired him to do the part was because he was the last actor in New York City who was willing to put on a cat costume and tour the country for two years.
Female actor: Uh-huh.
–Le Petite Un Deux Trois Restaurant
Overheard by: Truetuft
20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.
Overheard by: Steve Popovich
Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.
–8th St & 5th Ave
Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.
Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!
–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn
Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Eve
Woman: Morty is a great actor, you just wouldn't know it.
Morty: Yeah, I fake it in bed.
–Connelly Theatre, E 4th
Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Special K
Loud girl: I will stab someone just to prove a point.
Overheard by: Martian
Woman on cell walking little boy: I told you he was an asshole last weekend. (pause) Why did you expect any different? (pause) You ain't gonna stab no nigga. I'm gonna call you "Captain Stab 'em." (laughs) You always saying you gonna stab somebody!
Overheard by: Lacy
20-something man: I know…I just couldn't pull out my sword fast enough.
Overheard by: Richard
Actor: Yeah, it's a great part! I play a father who stabs his son…
Young suit: Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, right across the street from my apartment we could buy fireworks? …and swords!
–81st & Broadway
Man in cast: Nah man, I can't I don't have health insurance.
Creepy man: You don't have health insurance?! I can get it for you! Just give me your social security number!
Man in cast: Oh yeah?
Overheard by: Gina
Actor: So that's how I screwed up my callback for Jersey Boys–I was on OxyContin.
Friend: Oh my god, that's like legal heroin!
Actor: I know, so I was all fucked up, but I didn't want to say anything. They probably wrote down “reads well, but sings with a very strange accent.”
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
(movie set in SoHo)
Actor (showing where the fake blood stained his hands red): Man, if real blood did this it would be a lot easier to catch people.
Black guy: Man, ain't that the truth. A little hand sanitizer and that shit come right off.
–Houston & Sullivan
Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…
Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.
–Gallery Players, Park Slope
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.
Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!
–Walgreens, Union Square
Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!
Overheard by: Minerva
Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.
Overheard by: Emily B.