12 year old chick: You see? I told you! This is how the grown-ups dress. –East Village
Archive for the ‘Age/Aging’ Category
More Deli Fun
Deli guy: Yo Susan, how’s life treating you?
Customer: Bad. I need an new life.
Deli guy: Your life’s almost over and you need a new one?
–Bensonhurst
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
Woman in her 50s: “She used to drink on weekends, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And then she got scared she was going to start drinking Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. So she went to AA and hasn’t touched a drop since, she’s a sponsor too. That was 15 years ago. Now she’s 33 and she went back to school. She just became a paralegal and makes $950 a month. She didn’t want to be one of those low people.” –W Train
Mother of Wednesday One-liners
Mom: I don’t know. I think you have to be, like, 21 to go to outer space. –83rd & Amsterdam A six-year-old stops coughing and asks: Mommy, why did you cover my mouth? –Q Train
Look What Britney Spears Hath Wrought
High School Girl: Yeah, he’s like older, and really successful and stuff.
High School Guy: Is he critical?
High School Girl: Yeah. Totally critical.
–6 Train
Campaign Manager is the New 39
Reporter: Can I have your age?
Woman: Campaign manager.
–Daily News Office
I Think I’m The Old 28…
Man: 40 is the new 30; my teacher said that. She said 12 is the new 11. But she used to say 11 was the new 10. –St. Mark’s Place
They Grow Up So Fast
Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo…Um…I’ll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch!
–Canal Street
Overheard by: Jonathan Harris
(Actually, Turtles Don’t Age)
Chick #1: So did you call him?
Chick #2: Nah.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: He literally looks like an old turtle.
–D Train
Go Granddaddy!
Black man: “And he kept on beating up niggers until he was 37!” – On the Subway