Archive for the ‘Age/Aging’ Category

Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong. –Penn Station Overheard by: Steve Popovich Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday. –8th St & 5th Ave Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus. –Nederlander Theatre Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum! –4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day… –42nd & Madison Overheard by: Eve

I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One-Liner

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random! –AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center Overheard by: G-Lime A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand. –Forham University Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck! –A Train Overheard by: Don Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus. –Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs. –1250 Broadway Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl! –44th & Lexington

Wednesdays Are Naturally Sweetened With One-Liners

Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question. –Columbia University Overheard by: Poogins Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25! –Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person. –Central Park Bench Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!" –Penn Station Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza. –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: T. Ryan

Wednesay One-liners, The End

Fratboy: They’re going to tear that building down, because it’s seriously decrapitated. I mean, just totally decrapitated. –BAM Cinematek Girl on cell: He’s going to hell and I don’t even care. He’s going to die and I’m fine with it. –Houston & 1st Ave. Guy: My mom was going through menopause, and I could totally relate. –Lafayette & 3rd St. Overheard by: Tedd

The Bell Tolls for Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four. –NYU Overheard by: Kelly Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’ –Albert Einstein College of Medicine Overheard by: BuddyblueJD 15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck! —The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25 20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything. –45th & 3rd Overheard by: mkr Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die! –25th & 1st

Wednesday One-Liners– Just Like Mom Used to Make!

Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother. –M08 Bus 20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special! –207th St & Broadway Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass? –LIRR Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message. –Metro-North Rail Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about. –42nd St & Lexington Overheard by: Carolyn