Archive for the ‘Ahhh! Real New Yorkers’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Learn About the Natives Using Participant Observation

Tour guide: If you’re going to be in New York for at least a year, I’d recommend going to an outer borough.

–Bowling Green Woman, looking at dirty man talking on cell with shirt open: That, that right there, oh, yes, that is sooo New York. –Worth & Broadway Overheard by: Half Shirt Office worker: We’ve lived in New York too long. Instead of saying “ridiculously overpriced” we say “upscale.”

–Office, Carnegie Hall

Overheard by: inge Crazy man: The subways have names and letters and numbers. They are not colors. Don’t you dare call them by colors. They have names and letters and numbers. The 4 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lexington Avenue Express. The 6 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lexington Avenue Local. An idiot in Brooklyn asks for the orange train at King’s Highway. It is not the orange train. It is the F train. He should be deported to Mars for calling it the orange train! The trains have names and letters and numbers! And you never call 6th Avenue the Avenue of the Americas! –Uptown R train Lady, amongst a crowd of women, shoving and stripping to their underwear to try on designer clothes: Oh my God! I am so not New York enough for this! –Barney’s Warehouse Sale, 17th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Dr. Mary Girl: Being a New Yorker is great. You get to give the finger to everybody and nobody seems to care. I love this city! –Times Square Overheard by: Jen Tourist: These people must love their sandwiches! There are so many Subways here! –Times Square

Tourists: What the Fuck?!

Old lady with heavy accent, pointing to closed store: What’s that?
Young lady: I’m not sure.
Old lady: Is that a pahwn shop?
Young lady, startled: No, that looks like a pawn shop…
Old lady: That’s what I said — a pahwn shop.
Young lady, relieved: Ohhh, I thought you said ‘porn shop’!
Old lady: No, I said ‘pahwn,’ not ‘pahwn.’
Young lady: Oh, you say them exactly the same!
Old lady: I do?
Young lady: Yeah! Say ‘aw.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: Now say ‘or.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: No, it’s orrr. With an R.
Old lady: That’s what I said — ‘ahw.’

–M20 bus, near 34th & 8th

Overheard by: trying not to laugh too hard

At the Israel-Hezbollah Peace Talks

Woman: Man, don’t you fucking fall on me!
Queer: I didn’t fall on you. [under his breath] Idiot.
Woman: You the fuckin’ idiot, fuckin’ idiot.
Big guy: You see that? You see how quickly that escalated? All because of courtesy. That guy couldn’t even apologize.
Queer: I didn’t fall on her; she’s just being retarded.
Woman: You a fuckin’ retard!
Big guy: I love this city.

–Downtown 1 train