Archive for the ‘Ahhh! Real New Yorkers’ Category

Wednesday One-liners in the Family Way

Woman: She thinks she’s so special cause she’s pregnant. Try being 35 and not pregnant! That’s harder to do! –81st & Amsterdam Very pregnant woman, standing on the subway, stares at a young black guy who took the last seat. Young black guy: What do you want lady? I didn’t get you that way! –Union Square station

NewsFlash: Man Asks Directions. Scientists Baffled.

Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to 37th Street?
Hipster: Seriously?
Tourist: Well, I’m visiting…
Hipster: Look, man… You’re on 42nd Street now. Walk that way, and if the sign says 43rd Street, you’re going the wrong way. Turn around and go the other way. When the numbers go down, you’re going the right way.
Tourist: So, the streets are numerical.
Passerby #1: Jesus Christ!
Passerby #2: Oh, you people stop it! He didn’t know there would be math on his trip to the city. –42nd & 8th

Wednesday One-liners Think They’re All That

Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are. –Astor Place Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping. –Broadway & Fulton Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person! –71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills