Receptionist: Hi, I'm calling from Bridgehampton, New York and would like to invite to a gallery event we are having in Southampton this weekend.
New York woman: Oh… is that in the Hamptons?
Receptionist: Why, yes, it is.
New York woman: Well… we don't go to that shithole anymore! (hangs up)
Receptionist: Thank you for you time.
–Publication Office
Archive for the ‘Ahhh! Real New Yorkers’ Category
Starring Bernie Madoff As the Wicked Witch Of the West…
Hipster to 50-something tourist who is blocking the way: Hey, lady, where you from?
Woman, proudly: Kansas.
Hipster: Well, Dorothy, this is not Kansas. This is Times Square, New York City, now get the fuck out of the way! (crowd cheers)
–Times Square
Overheard by: G-man
That Neon-Orange Fannypack Alone Is Grounds for Exile
Tourist, taking photo to woman walking in front of camera: Hey! You ruined my picture!
Aggravated city woman: And you ruined my city!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: couldn't agree with you more!
…the World Trade Center?
Eastern European tourist chick, looking at Empire State Building: What is that?
New York teenage girl, in perfect seriousness: I have no idea.
–Outside Empire State Building
Overheard by: Sapodilla
Fair Enough! Enjoy Your Day, Sir!
Woman walking against massive subway crowd: Woah, this is fun. Hey, everybody!
Man, after passing her: Fuck you, lady.
–Lorimer Stop
Overheard by: richhorner.com
Wednesday One-Liners Take the SocioPATH Train
Suit on cell: It's not that I don't like people, I just think that they're expendable.
–Union Square Cafe
20-something to visiting family: We are about to go up a bunch of stairs. If you complain, you will be pushed back down them.
–Mulberry & Canal
Laughing suit to others: So, yeah, I just stepped over the body.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Mother to small crying child: Honey, I did listen to you, but I can't make myself care.
–V Train
Overheard by: Hunter
The Day Andy Became a New Yorker
Woman on bike to jaywalking pedestrians: Jesus fucking Christ, get the fuck out of the road.
Guy: Fuck you, bitch! (to friends) Did I just say “fuck you, bitch” to a biker?
–Rivington & Essex
Long Island Expressway: Nobody Gets Me
Midwestern tourist to New York businesswoman: Is this where I can get the Long Island expressway?
Businesswoman, exasperated: Are you *fucking* kidding me?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Kiki
Wait, Let Me Make Sure the Flash Is On
Female tourist to friend: Oh my god, do we really get to take the subway? Gosh, you have to take a picture of me with the subway! C'mon, take the picture!
Man, overhearing: Oh my god, let's push you down the stairs and see how much you like the subway.
–Rockafeller Center Subway
Overheard by: Kirby
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “A *Real* New Yorker Would’ve Just Pushed Her” – Thaniel
· “Give a Tourist a Pin and She’ll Remember NY for a Week, Push Her Down the Stairs, and She’ll Remember It for the Rest Of Her Life” – Prole
· “How Tourist-Tossing Got Started” – Barry
· “It Would Save Her That Stop at Planned Parenthood” – niqua
· “Throw in a Rape and Mugging and You’ll Get the Full Subway Experience” – Forensic Photographer
· “Why Is It Called “Tourist Season” If We Can´t Kill Them?” – Fresca P.
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
That Should Be on a Sign at the Airport
Tourist counting her group, which is clogging sidewalk: Carla? Has anyone seen Carla? Okay, Marie? Marie?
Passerby, interrupting: First, let me thank you for visiting our city. We appreciate it. Second, get out of the fucking way.
–Broadway & Canal