Russki #1: You can have my girlfriend.
Russki #2: I don’t want your girlfriend, she has AIDS.
Russki #1: Use a condom.
–Staten Island
Overheard by: R
Archive for the ‘AIDS’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Can Still Lead a Normal Life
Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!"
–13th & Broadway
Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease.
–Cafe Esperanto
Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick!
–R Train
Overheard by: going to the clinic
Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS.
–Columbia University
20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience…
–34th between 2nd and 3rd
Overheard by: LadyEDdy
Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where!
–School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University
Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her!
–Blue Hill Restaurant
Does It Wednesday One-Liner When You Pee?
Man on phone, while withdrawing cash at the ATM: Congrats, dude. It could still be chlamydia though!
–LES
Overheard by: Romano
Kid: I don’t like this place, it has aids.
–F Train
Overheard by: Richard J. Anderson
Man on cell: You can’t just sleep in somebody’s bed and not tell them you have scabies. That’s… irresponsible.
–Home Depot
Professional woman: So I think you have an STD and blah blah blah.
–Times Square
Customer: Can we get an extra plate? He’s sick and I have herpes.
–Freemans, Freeman’s Alley
Twentysomething businesswoman: I was like, ‘oh my god, don’t hook up with my mom’… she has crabs!
–13th & 2nd
Overheard by: Natalia
Your Unfounded Allegations Redound to My Detriment
Black guy #1: Lady, don’t sit next to that man, he’s got aids, motherfucker.
Black guy #2: Who you talkin’ bout aids? I went to prison for ten years and I don’t have no aids. Peace, brother.
Black guy #1: I tell you he got aids, motherfucker!
Black guy #2: Peace, brother, peace.
Black guy #1: Aids, motherfucker!
–PATH Train
What? Isn’t It Inevitable?
Girl #1: I don’t understand why he was so upset. It’s not like I was being insensitive or anything.
Girl #2: Are you serious? You asked him if he had aids!
Girl #1: Yea, but only because he said he was gay!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Timmy Lee
I’m a New Yorker. Everything Is about Me.
Hot chick #1: So, I’m doing the AIDS walk this year with my sister…
Hot chick #2: Oh, cool! I’ll totally sponsor you!
Hot chick #1: Oh, no, that’s okay — you already bought a gift for my puppy shower.
Hot chick #2: It’s not about you, Samantha, it’s about AIDS!
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: About me
For Those Who Think AIDS Education Is Working
Lady to friend about Magic Johnson AIDS ad: Look at Magic Johnson. Why’s he always look so happy? He’s got AIDS!
Friend: He don’t got AIDS anymore — that’s why he’s happy.
–125th & 5th
Overheard by: tiffanykapri
Didn’t Want to Be a Pathetic Little Safe-Sex Bitch
Guy #1: His schlong was so long!
Guy #2: Did you get HIV?
Guy #1: No, I tested myself. You stick the thing in your butt for, like, five minutes like a thermometer. It feels so good.
–Washington Square Park
Wednesday One-Liners Ask Their Doctors about Valtrex
White girl: I hear you, sister. Why can’t I have genital warts just like everybody else?!
–Mambi, 177th & Broadway
Lady suit: He’s like, ‘There’s a new chemically-resistant strain of gonorrhea going around…’ He said it’s beginning to seriously affect his choice of lifestyle.
–5h Ave
Chick on cell: Well, my mom has the clap and my dad has herpes, so I don’t know what that means for me.
–Graham & Conselyea, Brooklyn
Overheard by: imeyer
Lady on cell: I have had this cold for, like, two weeks now. I don’t know — maybe I have AIDS.
–28 bus, Flushing Main St
Woman on cell: It’s not AIDS. No, Mom, I don’t have gonorrhea, either. It’s just some STD — they just don’t know what yet.
–Bank of America, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Visiting Bostonian
Office girl: … So I say to him, ‘I’m not the one who’s going around giving everyone herpes!’ And he said, ‘I don’t see how that affects either one of us!’ And at that point I snapped and just went off on him.
–47th & 3rd
Guy to girlfriend who stepped in huge, dirty puddle: Ewww, you just stepped in AIDS!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: Emily Leonard
Although I Hear They Serve You Cocktails
Teen girl #1: Having a disease must suck.
Teen girl #2: Yeah. If I had AIDS, I would die.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Snoopy