Archive for the ‘AIDS’ Category

I’m a New Yorker. Everything Is about Me.

Hot chick #1: So, I’m doing the AIDS walk this year with my sister…
Hot chick #2: Oh, cool! I’ll totally sponsor you!
Hot chick #1: Oh, no, that’s okay — you already bought a gift for my puppy shower.
Hot chick #2: It’s not about you, Samantha, it’s about AIDS!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: About me

Wednesday One-Liners Ask Their Doctors about Valtrex

White girl: I hear you, sister. Why can’t I have genital warts just like everybody else?!

–Mambi, 177th & Broadway

Lady suit: He’s like, ‘There’s a new chemically-resistant strain of gonorrhea going around…’ He said it’s beginning to seriously affect his choice of lifestyle.

–5h Ave

Chick on cell: Well, my mom has the clap and my dad has herpes, so I don’t know what that means for me.

–Graham & Conselyea, Brooklyn

Overheard by: imeyer

Lady on cell: I have had this cold for, like, two weeks now. I don’t know — maybe I have AIDS.

–28 bus, Flushing Main St

Woman on cell: It’s not AIDS. No, Mom, I don’t have gonorrhea, either. It’s just some STD — they just don’t know what yet.

–Bank of America, 86th & Lex

Overheard by: Visiting Bostonian

Office girl: … So I say to him, ‘I’m not the one who’s going around giving everyone herpes!’ And he said, ‘I don’t see how that affects either one of us!’ And at that point I snapped and just went off on him.

–47th & 3rd

Guy to girlfriend who stepped in huge, dirty puddle: Ewww, you just stepped in AIDS!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: Emily Leonard

Little Wednesday One-Liners Have Big Ears

Three-year-old girl on cell, walking with nanny: I will… I will, I will! Hey, don’t give me a hard time!

–54th & Lex

Little Dominican boy: … Because back in the day, people had names like Washington and York and Downtown.

–Social Studies class, PS 8, Brooklyn

Young child: Mommy, can you feel my forehead? I think I have AIDS.

–Prince St

Overheard by: Alaina

Small, weeping boy to mother pushing smaller kid in stroller: No! No! It’s not necessary! Every time I say you hurt my feelings, you say it right back to me! It’s not necessary!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Shrieking four-year-old: French fries! [Angry mother glares straight ahead and keeps on walking, gripping child’s hand.] You know what’s wrong with you? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you. You don’t give me enough French fries!

–Waverly & 6th

Overheard by: Marisa

Little girl to mom: Shit is the same thing as sex, right?

–Garden of Eden, Brooklyn Heights

Wednesday One-Liners Had It As a Safety School

Asian chick: I’m just so sick of failing in general.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: jason

NYU girl to friends: Well, he’s not always drunk. Sometimes he’s high.

–Prince & Mercer

NYU chick: I found out I didn’t have AIDS… I went to Whole Foods… It was a good day.

–27th & Park

Overheard by: It was a good day

NYU bimbette: All popular people have herpes. Just look at them!


NYU chick: Yeah, we almost broke up like four or five times, so I think that’s indicative that we’re happy together.

–Bowery & Canal

NYU girl on cell: I don’t know what to do about going abroad. My parents want me to go to London, but I looked at my Tarot cards and they’re telling me Dublin. What should I do?

–721 Broadway

Overheard by: Tyler

Queer student: I don’t really have a problem with incest, but in my family there aren’t many lookers.

–NYU Silver Center

You Done with That Needle?

Study group girl #1: I totally had no idea that hepatitis had anything to do with your liver.
Study group girl #2: Oh, I know! I thought it was just a disease. You know, like AIDS.

–Hormann Library, Wagner College, Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Missed That Week in Health Class

Boy to friends: Last one to the car has herpes!

–Hylan Blvd, Staten Island

NYU co-ed to another: You gotta put on your STD face!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jatmos

Drunk girl yelling at drunk guy down the street: I’m pretty sure I haven’t contracted anything from anyone tonight!

–12th & 3rd

20-something chick: How come all the nice guys I meet always have some sort of STD?

–Lincoln Center

Drunk NYU chick: You’re gay and you go to NYU — there’s no reason why your love life shouldn’t be flourishing… except AIDS.

–Union Square

Overheard by: that guy

Blonde: Just because you have syphilis doesn’t mean I have to listen to you!

–Max Breener’s Chocolate Shop, Union Square

Overheard by: Eskimo Child

Chick on cell: Brian? I love Brian… even though he gave me the herpe.

–E 9th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Raven