Archive for the ‘AIDS’ Category

Little Wednesday One-Liners Have Big Ears

Three-year-old girl on cell, walking with nanny: I will… I will, I will! Hey, don’t give me a hard time!

–54th & Lex

Little Dominican boy: … Because back in the day, people had names like Washington and York and Downtown.

–Social Studies class, PS 8, Brooklyn

Young child: Mommy, can you feel my forehead? I think I have AIDS.

–Prince St

Overheard by: Alaina

Small, weeping boy to mother pushing smaller kid in stroller: No! No! It’s not necessary! Every time I say you hurt my feelings, you say it right back to me! It’s not necessary!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Shrieking four-year-old: French fries! [Angry mother glares straight ahead and keeps on walking, gripping child's hand.] You know what’s wrong with you? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you. You don’t give me enough French fries!

–Waverly & 6th

Overheard by: Marisa

Little girl to mom: Shit is the same thing as sex, right?

–Garden of Eden, Brooklyn Heights

Wednesday One-Liners Had It As a Safety School

Asian chick: I’m just so sick of failing in general.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: jason

NYU girl to friends: Well, he’s not always drunk. Sometimes he’s high.

–Prince & Mercer

NYU chick: I found out I didn’t have AIDS… I went to Whole Foods… It was a good day.

–27th & Park

Overheard by: It was a good day

NYU bimbette: All popular people have herpes. Just look at them!

–NYU

NYU chick: Yeah, we almost broke up like four or five times, so I think that’s indicative that we’re happy together.

–Bowery & Canal

NYU girl on cell: I don’t know what to do about going abroad. My parents want me to go to London, but I looked at my Tarot cards and they’re telling me Dublin. What should I do?

–721 Broadway

Overheard by: Tyler

Queer student: I don’t really have a problem with incest, but in my family there aren’t many lookers.

–NYU Silver Center

You Done with That Needle?

Study group girl #1: I totally had no idea that hepatitis had anything to do with your liver.
Study group girl #2: Oh, I know! I thought it was just a disease. You know, like AIDS.

–Hormann Library, Wagner College, Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Missed That Week in Health Class

Boy to friends: Last one to the car has herpes!

–Hylan Blvd, Staten Island

NYU co-ed to another: You gotta put on your STD face!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jatmos

Drunk girl yelling at drunk guy down the street: I’m pretty sure I haven’t contracted anything from anyone tonight!

–12th & 3rd

20-something chick: How come all the nice guys I meet always have some sort of STD?

–Lincoln Center

Drunk NYU chick: You’re gay and you go to NYU — there’s no reason why your love life shouldn’t be flourishing… except AIDS.

–Union Square

Overheard by: that guy

Blonde: Just because you have syphilis doesn’t mean I have to listen to you!

–Max Breener’s Chocolate Shop, Union Square

Overheard by: Eskimo Child

Chick on cell: Brian? I love Brian… even though he gave me the herpe.

–E 9th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Raven

The Plot of Rent, in a Nutshell

NYU kid #1: Man, I’m so over AIDS. I’m sick of people getting it, I’m sick of people spending money on it, and I’m sick of people giving it to other people.
NYU kid #2: Yeah, seriously, fuck AIDS.

–Outside an NYU dorm, University Pl

Wednesday One-Liners Have a ‘Social Disease’

Ghetto woman on payphone: I got herpes, and they be killin’. Herpes. Herpes! I got herpes on my pussy! There, now the whole block knows.

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: sapphirebluemica

Attractive 20-something businessman: Yeah, I’ve got herpes!

–65th & Lex

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Guy: … Herpes … Chlamydia … Gonorrhea … Syphilis … Crabs … Oh! Sex warts!

–Bedford & 7th

Overheard by: where do i sign up

Lady to suitor: Leave me alone, I have chlamydia!

–Kevin St. James Bar

Overheard by: Maryann

Chick: What? He has a disease? [Pause] Well, I wish I knew that beforehand…

–Union Square

Skinny blonde: I’m going to sew my vagina shut, because I’m a walking STD.

–the Dojo’s near NYU

Guy: If you didn’t get AIDS when you slept with her, you’re not going to get AIDS by sharing a Band-Aid.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Apple’s Next Anti-PC Marketing Campaign Takes Shape

Office thug #1: Yo, Windows is, like, mad-retarded!
Office thug #2: Say what?
Office thug #1: I said Windows is bullshit, man.
Office thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way better than whatever computer you got.
Office thug #1: Nigga, my laptop has AIDS!

–52nd St & Madison