Archive for the ‘Airports’ Category

Your Wednesday Has Turned on the “One-Liners” Sign

Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, JetBlue welcomes you to the city which all other cities are reflections of… welcome to New York. –JFK Overheard by: SJK Pilot over loudspeaker: Alright folks, get into your seats quickly. You don't have to love the person next to you and this ain't a furniture store. –JFK Overheard by: Allie Witty flight attendant: And in case that you have not been in a car since 1962, I will now demonstrate how seatbelts work. –JFK Flaming flight attendant: In the event of a sudden change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. If this should occur, you may scream, then place the mask over your mouth and nose… –JFK JetBlue pilot: I hope you all enjoyed the flight. If you have any questions, please e-mail them to the Continental Airlines e-mail. Thank you for flying JetBlue. –JFK Overheard by: lonely passenger

I’m Beginning to Regret Teaching You That Word, Granny

Girl: I saw that movie when it came out, The Passion of the Christ.
Grandma: What movie?
Girl: The Passion of the Christ. You haven’t heard of it?
Grandma: Yes, but I’m not interested in watching it. Mel Gibson produced it.
Girl: Oh. So it’s a principle thing.
Grandma: No. It’s an I-don’t-like douchebaginess thing. –JFK Airport

Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black

Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister. –14th St Overheard by: The Reverend Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you. –Max Cafe Overheard by: D to the ana Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night! –Whole Foods Union Square Overheard by: bildita Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"? –LaGuardia Airport Overheard by: Diana

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl. –Tompkins Square Park Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living? –First Class Cabin, American Airlines Overheard by: Frequent Flyer Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work. –Cobble Hill Brooklyn Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium. –Astor Place 20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs. –Chelsea Overheard by: arielle Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day! –E Train Overheard by: lk

The Biggest Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid? –Bedford Ave & 8th Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn't curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something. –Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Eric Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down. –JFK Airport Overheard by: Henry Pena Posh-looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming. –Park Slope Overheard by: Ladle White hip-hopper on cell: Yeah, she's so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude! –Broome & Forsyth Overheard by: Terry

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front. –Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th Overheard by: Rebecca Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock! –Baggage Claim, JFK Overheard by: Kimmie Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning! –Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Stacy Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck. –Stuyvesant High School Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory. –East Side Community High School

Wednesday One-Liners? Please Hold.

Guy on cell: I'm gonna come over and give you a big hug before doomsday. –Outside NYU Dorm Guy holding up drunk friend: I have to hug the fat kid?! Why don't you try hugging a fat kid? –LIRR, Penn Station Overheard by: Laura Hobo to startled girl: If you give me a dollar I won't hug you. –7 Train Small boy, loudly, after some take-off turbulence: The plane is going down… Everybody hug! –Runway Strip, JFK Overheard by: PSUny

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money. –Madison Ave Overheard by: John Galt Jr. Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising. –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: nova scotia Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige. –Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Amber Star White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?! –LaGuardia Airport Overheard by: mela Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles? –14th & 6th Overheard by: Scientific Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be! –3rd Ave, Bay Ridge