Archive for the ‘All Wednesday One-Liners’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace

Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant. –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: pumpkin Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island. –Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island Overheard by: Green Star Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable! –Penn Station Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself… Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope. –Flatiron District

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Pepé Le Pew’s Scentimental Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Hey, ladies. [Girls giggle.] You smell so good — like Campbell’s soup! –10th & Broadway Overheard by: Emily Man on cell: You tell your smelly sisters that they have to shower tonight. –39th & 5th Queer hipster to fag hag: Oh my god, his placenta stank! –N train Overheard by: Lauren Chick to friend: Shut up, or I’ll sniff you in a minute! –Central Park JAP: Ew, like — I like, washed my hair, like, this morning… Why does it, like, smell? Ewww… That’s sooo bimmey! –1 train Chipper thugette: I smell pussy! –L train, Bedford stop

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Wednesday One-Liners Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Going Anywhere

Woman: And you are not a lesbian either! You are only gay on weekends. –Union Square Overheard by: Adam Bozarth Teen girl: I know Jimmy’s not gay because he stole my girlfriend. –R train Preacher: Mark my words–by sunrise you will be smothered in lesbians. –53rd & 5th Overheard by: Kaleena Thoughtful guy: I always thought that if I were gay I’d be the manlier one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff. –26th & 1st Overheard by: Charles Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gayer than three snaps in Z formation in here. –The Hangar, Christopher St Overheard by: TK Midwestern guy: That is complete bullshit! How do you make a dog gay? –Century 21 Teen girl: It’s funny talking to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay. –Uptown 1 train

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What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up. –South Street Seaport Overheard by: Julium Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color. –Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th Overheard by: Sebastian White Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai! –Union Square Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you. –Union Square Park Overheard by: molly Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue. –Hill Country BBQ Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

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Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time. –Time Warner Center Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat! –Sheep's Meadow, Central Park Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: fellow fatass Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store! –W Broadway & Spring Overheard by: JR Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4! –Central Park West Overheard by: Rich H

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Looks Like a Job for the Wednesday One-Liner Whisperer

Urban Tarzan: I grew up in a house of monkeys. My mother was a monkey, my father was a monkey, my brother was a pig. –Main St, Roosevelt Island Overheard by: king volcano Customer on cell: Well, the kids finally found Grandma’s python. –Dollar Store, Fulton St Overheard by: fiat lux Genius: I really can’t stand cats. They’re just furry rats. –Washington Square Park Woman: I feel so guilty when the cat catches me masturbating. –B&J Fabrics, 7th Ave Overheard by: Shamrock Young man on cell: Wait. Are you talking about what’s normal for penguins or what’s normal for four-year-olds? –Elevator, Bellevue Hospital Overheard by: patient White teen: Turkeys are mad strong, you know that? –Bleecker between Lafayette & Broadway Overheard by: Jon A. Middle-aged woman on cell: I have to get home to cook spaghetti for my cat. –3rd Ave, between 53rd & 54th

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Start the Clock, Wednesday One-liners

Suit: You know, at 2:30 in the morning, I become, like, a zombie of love. –G train Chick: There’s this guy who lives in that clock over there. They showed his apartment on TV. It’s like a prehistoric landmark. –F train Overheard by: mh Chick on cell: Yeah, I’m a ten-minutes-early girl and you’re a ten-minutes-late girl, and together that makes us twenty minutes late. –Houston & Eldridge Overheard by: Shane Yuppie lady: Let’s see your tits!…Hey, we’ve got time. Take off your top. –Bryant Park Guy on cell: You can’t fist someone for that long. They turn into a handpuppet after 5 minutes. –47th & 5th

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Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

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Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz

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Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

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