White guy: You live in New Jersey and you don’t speak Spanish? –49th & 8th Overheard by: Knipc Guy on payphone: Eighty miles an hour, and he was still alive?…still alive? –W. 4th & Mercer Overheard by: Matthew Jewfro: …so why did you stick your cell phone in your anus? –Chambers & Greenwich Guy: I’d like some dick lever…I mean duck liver, please. Well, I guess dicks don’t really have levers do they? –Tuller Gourmet Food Market, Cobble Hill Overheard by: Isaac Gertman
Fat chick to cute friend's blind date: So, wait, is Jean Garafolo a man or a woman?
Overheard by: Becka Dash
20-something blonde girl: Is there an English word for "quesadilla"?
Checkout lady, pausing with a container of hummus after scanning it: Lots of people buy this stuff…what is it?
Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton
Woman entering RadioShack: Excuse me, do you have radios?
–RadioShack, 72nd & Broadway
B9 bus driver to passengers: Make a left here?
Overheard by: VeganBeauty
Hipster girl: I want a cape. Capes are so in right now.
Overheard by: me
Girl on phone: So, today I was on my way to class and I saw a transvestite dressed as Wonder Woman. No, I don’t think he was going to class.
–NYU residence hall, Lafayette St
Metro newspaper man: I’m not Superman, I’m not Spiderman, I’m not Batman. I’m the Metro Man. Get your paper.
–34th St & Broadway
Overheard by: confabulation nation
Guy: I was like, "That’s you! My arch drinking nemesis."
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: He’s like sexual kryptonite!
–2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: Wondering who she was talking about
Gray Line tour guide: … And then I looked up into one of these fabulous brownstone buildings and there was a naked woman. She did a dance for the entire bus. Completely naked. Eye contact and everything. That’s why I never look into windows anymore…
Girl to friend: As long as they don’t know that you’re naked, it’s okay.
Crazy guy: One… Two… Three… Naked!
Overheard by: quietly laughing to herself
Man to another: In my neighborhood, once you walk past Avenue A, none of the men are wearing shirts.
–47th & 10th
Overheard by: MuffinPuffin
Man to landlord, in Polish: There is this naked woman and naked man constantly running around the basement at night. We just can’t let this guy keep doing this.
Overheard by: Izabela
Excited chick on cell: I just took my shirt off! In a room full of people talking their shirts off!
Overheard by: Ladle
Six-year-old boy to mom: I spy a hooker!
–Q train, near 7th Ave
Overheard by: Melanie
Suit on cell: For an extra 25 I’ll caress his nuts. For an extra 50 he can fuck me in the ass.
–DeKalb & Knickerbocker Ave
Overheard by: jim E.
Ghetto chick on cell: I ain’t never did it for free, but I guess I could… So I’ll just do you and him in the same day… All I’m sayin’, though — there better be food… That’s all I’m sayin’.
Overheard by: Kris
Scholar on cell: Every public bathroom in New York is a site of male prostitution.
–Hayden Residence Hall, Washington Square
Little girl: Mommy, I don’t wanna be a concubine!
Overheard by: caera
Man to cop friend: I mean, I knew she wasn’t a cop… but I didn’t think she was a hooker! Come on!
–Diamond District, 47th St, between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: machi
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.
Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?
Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!
–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kathcom
Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!
–Downtown 6 Train
Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.
–Downtown 6 train
Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!
Overheard by: J. Ra
Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.
Overheard by: Edan
Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it!
Overheard by: Flea
Man: I believe some of this will be made up.
–Going into Wicked, Broadway
Overheard by: CAM
Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?
–In the Heights, Broadway Musical
Overheard by: Cookie
Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: HarlemRy
Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!"
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Nikki
Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!
–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.
Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Louisa
Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!
–93rd St, Bay Ridge
Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!
Overheard by: BK
Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.
Overheard by: Celia
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re being delayed, but we will be moving shortly. We’re having a door problem — someone at the front of the train is holding them open.
–3 train, Franklin Ave
Conductor: Get the hell out of the doors… Now! Not when you feel like it! Damn locals.
Overheard by: mo love
Conductor: I know you are not holding the doors on my train! I’ll kick your ass!
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is a One train directly behind this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors [repeats this three times]. Alright, if people don’t stop holding the doors we gonna put this train out of service and then everyone be on the platform! Is that what you want?!
Over the PA: Do not hold the doors. Holding the doors causes delayed service. Delayed service causes late service.
–Shuttle Platform, Grand Central
Conductor: If you do not step away from the doors the train will keep sitting here, you will not get where you are going, and I will still get paid.
Black woman, looking at Nacho Libre poster: I don’t wanna see any foreign shit. Fuck that! –AMC theatre, 34th & 8th Overheard by: K Smith Woman with white dog to woman with black dog: He’s only barking because he isn’t used to seeing that kind of dog. –Central Park