Archive for the ‘All Wednesday One-Liners’ Category

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy! –Grand Central Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant! –TGI Fridays Overheard by: Sara Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts! –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Hannah Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex. –Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th Overheard by: jmike Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time! –96th St station Overheard by: Kind of Confused 20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly) –Downtown A Train Overheard by: Bearsian Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization. –Lower East Side Art Gallery Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people. –Red Hook, Brooklyn White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me. –Houston & Clinton Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white. –Upper West Side Overheard by: Yehuda

Wednesday One-Liners Turn the Meter On

Cabbie, as man opens passenger-side door: Wait. I am not mentally prepared for this! –W 50th Cabbie on cell: Hello? I’m going to beat you up… ‘Cause I want to! –23rd & Lex Exasperated cabbie: Why is there a house driving down Delancey Street? –Delancey & Chrystie Overheard by: Les Chinatown Cabbie on cell: No, no, it is not possible. I cannot possibly be back in the city by then — I am at the airport…I could maybe make it back into the city to see you in, like, two hours if traffic isn’t bad in the Bronx. Man, the airport is really packed today. –99th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Laughing in the back Cabbie, after getting cut off by another: Goddamn cabbies. –30th & 5th

Wednesday One-Liners for the Bush Administration

Man to crying woman he just chased down the street: What did you want me to do?! Lie and say that you’re a good writer? –25th & Madison Overheard by: Jocelyn Chick to friend: But I only lie when I know no one will find out! –Union Square Kid to friends, repeatedly: Yo — animals… They don’t know how to lie. –6th St, between 1st Ave & Ave A Overheard by: anthony recchia Bimbette: Yeah, I’ve been to hundreds of Catholic churches… I still lie. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: are you proud of this?

Wednesday One-Liners Scream ‘Gender Surprise!’

Girl to friend: … And it was like, ‘Bam! I have a penis, too, man.’ –W 4th & 6th Crazy guy: The revolution is in my pussy! The revolution is in my vagina! –Washington Square Park Prep school gangsta leaving train: Yo, man, grab his tits! Yeah! –C train Overheard by: Annearchist Guy yelling into cell: I’m an intelligent woman! So I think… –59th St, Columbus Circle NYU chick: If I was a hermaphrodite, then I would totally understand what they were talking about. –Shade, W 3rd & Sullivan

Wednesday Undie-Liners

Woman on cell: Okay, but this time please stay out of my underwear drawer. –Astor Place Overheard by: Jess Overconfident guy: I know, I know. You say you have a 3.7 at NYU Law, and the panties just drop. –Dorm, NYU Law Overheard by: holdingbacklaughter Little old lady on park bench to another: Well, I've been stuffing my bra now, and now I can't find my money. –Central Park West & 63rd St Overheard by: Jen Woman: My dog only eats my underwear. He doesn't eat my son's. He doesn't eat my husband's. Only mine! I wonder why. (pauses to think) Hmm… it must be that feminine smell. –E 40th St Overheard by: TMI Livid man on cell: No! You can't have your underwear back! –Chelsea

Blow It Out Your Wednesday One-Liner

Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny! –24th St b/w 6th & 7th Overheard by: Joseph Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do. –12th St & University Place Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change? –87th & Broadway Overheard by: Nynanny Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish. –McLean Ave, Yonkers Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted. –Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn Overheard by: craig hunter

Wednesday One-Liners Got a Norplant When They Turned 11

Girl: Promiscuity is turning out to be a lot more work than I thought it would be. –Columbia bookstore Drunken hobo singing: Jesus loves me! Jesus supports me! [Turning to two NYU girls] Jesus doesn’t support you! [Chuckles] Whores! –LaGuardia & W 3rd Overheard by: TheBrit Professor: Monogamy is depressing. When you get married you can only have sex with one person for the rest of your life. I’ve been married for 25 years, and I was on Prozac by year two. Female promiscuity is frowned upon in nearly all cultures. Dammit! –Fordham University Girl on cell: Oh my god! That is so funny! Wait, is she a slut? It would be so much funnier if she was a slut… Oh. Never mind. –Central Park Overheard by: Cassie Bubbly high school chick: … And I didn’t know, so I just opened my legs… –Astor Pl Homeless man yelling at passersby: Can any of you spare a nickel in the name of alcoholic beverages? Or maybe a loose woman or two?! –7th & Ave A Overheard by: you gotta respect the honesty Dad to little girl: Okay, honey, now how do we spell ‘whore’? Remember, sound it out… –Penn Station

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on. –Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway Overheard by: Jaina Wald Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore! –Wall & Water Overheard by: Aubrie Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy? –Central Park Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms? –Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background! –Union Square Overheard by: Natalie Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD. –22nd & Broadway Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern! –45th & Lex Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum! –34th St Overheard by: naidababy

Wednesday One-Liners Never Said They Were Exclusive

Woman on cell: Well, her profile says ‘In a relationship,’ so she has no excuse to be fucking everyone else’s boyfriends! –The Bagel House, 39th St & Ditmars Blvd, Astoria Overheard by: Louie Guy: Hey, I’ll give you my ex-girlfriend if you’ll take her. –1st St & Ave A Overheard by: apples Fag hag: Anderson Cooper is so gorgeous. I want to be his boyfriend. –1 train Overheard by: Allisa Ghetto babe: She kicked the shit out of three or four boyfriends. She’s not gettin’ another. What’s she gonna do? Call him up, kick the shit out of him, get herself locked up again? –Penn Station Girl on cell: I might break up with my boyfriend because he wants to get a monkey. –59th & Lex Overheard by: Matt Bimbette: Do you think the reason I can’t get a boyfriend is because I never re-post those things on MySpace?! –LaGuardia airport Little girl: I don’t have a boyfriend right now. Sometimes it’s better not to be in a relationship. –72nd St & York