Archive for the ‘All Wednesday One-Liners’ Category

There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please! –72nd & Columbus Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: Katy Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair. –Victoria's Secret Overheard by: Emm Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man. –Union Square Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: TheMac

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you. –M116 Bus Overheard by: I hate the bus Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty! –Allen & East Houston Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free. –33rd & Broadway Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all. –Times Square Overheard by: yearbookie Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you. –South Williamsburg Overheard by: DanielXY Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees. –Central Park

Undercover DEA Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I’m in a… Oh, what’s the word I’m looking for? … Crack-infested neighborhood. –9th & 26th, Queens Overheard by: B. D. Disheveled punk teen girl: No! My 72-hour drug binge is starting now! –14th & University Overheard by: rachel Crazy lady: … So I hung the crack pipe on the cross which gave me the right to say no to drugs… Hallelujah! –2 train Overheard by: with a K Suit on cell: Yeah, I talked to him the other day. Right? I think he turned gay. Or he had a drug abuse problem. –LIRR Overheard by: Nick Lady: I’m ready to yodel! Do I smell hashish?! –Central Park SummerStage Fiction professor: I would find writing about investment bankers very difficult because I find them boring when I meet them. I start to like them when they start snorting coke. Then their dialogue becomes much more interesting. –The New School Middle-aged lady on cell: I need to start sniffing more glue. –Upper West Side Overheard by: Amy Jill

Decent, Churchgoing Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Look, motherfucker — I’ll wear what I want to church on Sunday. –Restaurant, 46th St Black woman: Yeah, chips and soda for a dollar! That’s one church I won’t go back to. –F train Overheard by: Kevin Z Guy on cell: I don’t need to fucking hear that at home! That’s what I’ve got church for! –Broome & Allen Mother to small daughter outside St. Patrick’s: Stop crying — I know it looks more like a haunted house than a church. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral, 5th Ave Black dude: Nigga, nuns ain’t real. –Union Square Overheard by: Gabriel

Wednesday One-liners Wanna Get High

Goth boy: Either I just saw Gollum eating sushi off of Rose Cotton’s naked body, or I am coked up to the gills! –E train Overheard by: Biff Largemeats Chick: Ya know, I gotta say, you really do need to take drugs to be interesting. ‘Cuase without ’em, you’re really boring. –Rue B, Avenue B Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci Guy: I can’t do acid but I can do shrooms. Especially shroom tea. –Houston & Essex Overheard by: Joel Artsy girl: It’s made me so much more creative, and that’s, like, so much more important for my art than anything else. And the buzz is great, too. –14th & 5th Guy: Oh I always have a Metrocard on me…they’re great for cutting up coke. –Astor Place station Chick: It’s not like there’s a moral high ground when it comes to methadone. –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Sara Beane Girl on cell: I know, that’s the worst! You have to try that towel-on-the-floor thing, and that never works. –18th & 5th Overheard by: jaykayess

The Classy Ladies of Wednesday One-liners

Chick on cell: Um, it’s me, and you know what? I just sent you and email that was all like, “I don’t want to think about it, I just want to blah blah blah.” I changed my mind. I do want to think about it, and you know what happens when I do? I say, ew! Yuck, yuck, yuck, ew, ew, yuck. argh! Ugh! Ugh! I’m so grossed out right now I cannot even tell you. What a fucking asshole. Asshole, asshole, asshole. I hate him, I hate him. He’s a big dick. A big dick. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m walking around the streets of New York swearing, but god knows I’m not the first person. Holy shit, what a dick. Ew. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Call me back. Bye! –Union Square

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too! –Wagner College Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks. –Winter Garden Theatre Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick. –Park Slope Overheard by: Sunny Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone! –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: David

Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi? –Chambers &and West Broadway Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin. –W 46th Ave Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack! –West 4th at Washington Square Park Overheard by: Cory Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin. –Relish Bar & Grill Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist. –Arlene’s Grocery Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try! –14th St & 9th Ave