Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face. –116th & Amsterdam Overheard by: fannybaum
Guy: My eyelashes have decided to declare war against my eyes.
–12th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: E. F. Schubert
Woman: All I wanted was some sunflower seeds and I wound up with my face on a milk carton.
–41st & 5th
Overheard by: rebecca h.
Teen girl on cell: So I finally talked to him and I was like, “Do you have any safety pins?” and he was all, “No!” and then I was like,
“What about all the ones in your face?” –Red Hook Overheard by: linda
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet.
–44th & 3rd
Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle…
–25th & Lexington
Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to contort my limbs on a float.
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness!
–Vanderbilt & Bergen
Overheard by: Jilly
Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back.
–Prospect Park Loop
Overheard by: EmLo
Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!
Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!
–Lafayette & Prince
Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.
–34th & 5th
Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!
–Cafeteria, Barnard College
Man in elevator on cell: Yeah. That's what I'm paying for, right? Next time just make sure it's a male to female.
Staten Island man to son: Okay, you have to be careful here. And don't touch any of the pretty ladies: the prettier they are, the more likely it's a man.
–1st & Houston
Middle aged woman to friend: Every morning I wake up and think I look more and more like Mrs Doubtfire.
Overheard by: mk
Guy in pink spandex to Victorian Gardens employee: Excuse me, where do the trannies hang out?
Preppy chick to friends: Did I ever tell you guys about the tranny I slept with?
–19th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Well-Dressed Indian Boy
Mom, in motherly voice, to crying four-year-old: Aww, what's the matter, did the little transvestite scare you?
–2nd & 72nd
Overheard by: Nancy
Teacher to student: You don’t look like a golfer; you look like a terrorist.
Flyer guy: No one goes to those run-of-the-mill Broadway shows on a Saturday night! The only people going to them is the Bin Laden family, and you don’t want to sit next to them. They’ll blow you to smithereens!
Overheard by: annahj
Young kid, about fireworks nearby: Look, Mommy! They’re planning a terrorist attack!
–13th & 2nd
Dude: Prisons are nice, man. I’d rather go to prison than be out here with the terrorists! it’s safer in prison.
–Court & Livingston, Brooklyn
Overheard by: cary
Music manager on phone: You know what you need? Lesbians! Everyone needs a lesbian.
–20th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: LoRna
Lady on cell: And now she thinks I’m a lesbian because I borrowed her…
–Union Square Greenmarket
Overheard by: borrowed her what?
Guy on cell: Did you bring chairs and a cooler? Cause usually lesbians are so prepared, they always bring chairs and a cooler.
–Ludlow near Rivington
English woman (trying on a pair of vintage men inspired shoes) to man: I always thought there was something very chic about a woman wearing a man’s shoe. (looks at her footwear) But I have to be skinny for this look, otherwise I’ll look like a lesbian!
–Frock Vintage Store
Overheard by: Shoegal
Guy to friend: She isn’t a lesbian but she does own a house.
–13th & 1st
Student: I just always assumed everyone’s love of integrals.
–John Jay Hall, Columbia
Dude: I had her up against the wall and was all like, ‘Jimmy cracked corn,’ and shit. She was lovin’ it.
–A train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Ilyse
Man: I did scream, ‘I love you Lindsay Lohan!’ when I saw her at the costume thing, but that’s just ’cause everyone else was.
–20th & 5th
Man on cell: No, not that Jim. The Jim who loves acid and foie gras.
–Metropolitan & Union, Brooklyn
Overheard by: liza
Conductor: I know you’ve heard of the love boat. Well, this is the love train.
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
Guy to girlfriend at table of friends: You just love my average-sized cock!
–3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Chuckles
Proselytizer: You’ve got to make sure you’re reading the King James Bible. God uses the other ones for conversion, but they’re ten percent less effective. –Downtown 2 train Overheard by: Susan Volchok Mom: Look, this one’s from Jordan and Israel. That’s where Jesus is from! –Mouse House, Bronx Zoo Overheard by: LT$ Woman: I’m gonna give him a holy bath and all kinds of things. –Columbus Bakery, 83rd & Columbus Pamphlet lady: That’s why you’ve got no power! Where’s the mayor? He’s not Jesus! He’s not coming to save you! –Penn Station Soccer mom: …and then he asked if he could go to church with Grandma, and I said, “Well, I don’t think so, Ryan*. Daddy’s had to yell at you all night and spank you twice, and only good boys get to go to church.” –Central Park Overheard by: God would be proud Hobo: The Holy Spirit will whup yo’ ass! –Court St Young passerby, to old man entering church: Good luck! –48th & 8th Overheard by: Russell Z