Guy: If you’re a cokehead you can really climb the corporate ladder. That’s all those guys making six figures.
Girl: It’s in American Psycho.
Guy: Then they burn out and the new guys come in.
–Lakeside Lounge, Ave. B
Archive for the ‘Alphabet City’ Category
Seminal Wednesday One-liners
Hip Hop Guy on cell: I’ll just keep my nuts shaved and everything’ll be fine. –Varick Street Coffee guy on phone: I’m not talking about whacking off, I’m talking about fried chicken! –Alt.coffee, Avenue A Overheard by: Dibson Hoffweiler
See, Now You're Making Sense.
Loud 20-something man: Jesus! Hallelujah! Praise the lawwwddd!
Friend: Will you please be quiet?
Loud 20-something man: Hallelujah! Let's get some vegetarian curry!
–E Houston & Ave A
Wednesday XXX-Liners
Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!
–Soho
Overheard by: Anastassia
Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.
–L Train
Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!
–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…
–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.
–William & Cedar
Overheard by: Laura
…When I Have My Hazmat Suit with Me
Hobo sitting against building: Hey! You!
Girl walking by: Yeah?
Hobo: Want to go jump in the East River with me?
Girl, stopping and looking at him: Not a bad idea. Maybe later.
–7th St & Ave B
Alcoholism: The Universal Language.
Gay guy: Day drinking today was so good.
Female friend: Yeah, I love day drinking.
Gay guy: I want to make day drinking into a job.
Passerby, walking the opposite way: Hey, me too!
(all high five, then proceed onwards)
–14th St & Ave A
Wednesday One-Diners
Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.
–Allen & Delancy
Overheard by: wba2101
Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.
–Times Square
Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!
–8th St & Greene
Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!
–Uptown A Train
20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.
–4th St & Ave B
Wednesday One-Drink-Minimum Liners
Man arguing with woman: I was single and drunk and shit happened.
–3rd Ave & 13th St
Man to woman: If I wasn't so diabetic I wouldn't have got so drunk.
–14th St & Ave A
Overheard by: S
Enthusiastic 30-something woman: This is a fine time for me to start drinking again!
–Blue Bar, Algonquin Hotel
Overheard by: Terry
Girl to friends: I don't think I'm a whore. It just enhances what you would normally do with less judgment.
–Astoria
Overheard by: The Princess og Fancy
Excited girl: I haven't drunk since the last time we drank!
–1st Ave & 7th St
Overheard by: Erin
Fox Mulder Has Changed Little Since 1993.
Dude #1: I feel like we're karmically linked. You know?
Dude #2: (silence)
Dude #1: No, you don't.
Dude #1: Yeah, I do. I think I do.
Dude #2: Like, there was a reason this happened when it did… And it all goes back to the crop circle.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Trust No One
Just Before the Two Girls Got the Cup
Hot girl #1: You don't know how great it would be if I could just take a giant shit right now.
Hot girl #2: You are… so pretty.
–7th St & Ave A