Archive for the ‘Alphabet City’ Category

How Darwin Got Everyone to Accept His Theory

Father to teenage daughter: Oh, well…the party was in Queens.
Daughter: Fuck Queens!
Father, quickly checking calendar on cell phone: Not on Gay Pride Day, honey.
Daughter: Haha! Hang on, I'm going to write that down. I'll use it in a story for my creative writing class!
Father: Oh, don't write it down…it's not even funny. And always remember…if you want your story to be funny, just put in a monkey. It always works for me!
Daughter: Didn't you novel get bad reviews, though? They said it wasn't funny at all.
Father: Well, obviously, I should have written in several more monkeys.

–Tompkins Square Park

Without DNA Tests, the Second-Best Way to Determine Ethnicity Is Ass Size

Teen boy #1: Nah, nigga, she can’t be Spanish. She too skinny.
Teen boy #2: She’s Spanish, yo.
Teen boy #1: I tell you, she ain’t from Spain. She’s from Europe. She has a Euro-sounding name.
Teen boy #2: Maybe she’s Mexican.
Teen boy #1: Yeah, she could be Mexican.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Heather