Archive for the ‘Alphabet City’ Category

Ta-Tas Prove Nothing in This Neighborhood, Mon Ami

Foreign girl #1 to lesbian entering ladies' room: I'm sorry, this is a ladies' room.
Lesbian: I'm a woman.
Foreign girl #1: Oh my god, I'm so sorry! That's the worst thing I've ever done!
Foreign girl #2, coming out of stall: Wait, no. You're so not a woman!
Lesbian: You wanna see the ta-tas? –Sidewalk Bar, 6th & Ave A

It's Wednesday One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully! –Ave B & 10th St Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son! –St. Marks Place Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird. –1st & 3rd Overheard by: Angela Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet! –7th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ladle Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans! –CVS Overheard by: freshly brewed. Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common! –7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation! –Downtown D Train Overheard by: Raven

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Count Anal

Girl on cell: I don't know what it is with me and virgins. I think I've collected like four virgin scalps. –Q58 Bus Overheard by: Tom Cashier, screaming to friend cashier: But why do you have to tell everyone that he's the guy who popped my cherry? –72nd & 1st Overheard by: tomas Ghetto girl: If you got finger-popped, you ain't no virgin. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Jake M Teen boy on cell: Of course I don't have any kids! Girl, you know I'm pure–like water in Africa. –Manhattan Ave & 123rd St. Overheard by: CreativeBunny Hispanic girl, loudly to a group of friends : I mean, I'm still a virgin and I have three STDs! –Ave C

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl. –Tompkins Square Park Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living? –First Class Cabin, American Airlines Overheard by: Frequent Flyer Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work. –Cobble Hill Brooklyn Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium. –Astor Place 20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs. –Chelsea Overheard by: arielle Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day! –E Train Overheard by: lk

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just “Sociable”

Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has! –Ave A Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers. –9th Ave & 44th St Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything. –Macy's Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore? –Bookstore, Brooklyn Overheard by: -she probably said