Archive for the ‘Alphabet City’ Category

Be Afraid. Be Very Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy to girlfriend: How can you be really scared for 2012 when you thought it was 2013?

–Franklin & Eastern Parkway

Seven-year-old boy on bike, turning corner into small white dog: Shoooooooooooot son, that dog just scared the black out of me!

–Nostrand Ave & Prospect Pl

Overheard by: melyssalaree

Crazy guy, after screaming unintelligibly in 20-something's face: It's cool, I'm supposed to scare people! I'm the anti-Christ!

–Ave A b/w 5th & 6th St

Girl: I'm really scared I'm gonna be a sex addict. Like, I'm hoping it won't happen, but it probably will.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File

Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!

–W 17th St

Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal

Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?

–Mid-Manhattan Library

Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.

–Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: Miss V

Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.

–Brooklyn

Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.

–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lucy

High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.

–Grand St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite

Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.

–Queens

Overheard by: Jess

Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!

–19th & 6th

Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brenna

Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.

–3rd St b/w Ave A & B

Overheard by: saffrosun

Wednesday One-Liners: a Space Odyssey

30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Megan

Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?

–Ave A & 8th St

Overheard by: Daniella

Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: furf

Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!

–West Village

Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.

–1st Ave & 1 St

Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.

–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman

Overheard by: Heather H.

Jim Gaffigan: The Horror!

Loud woman: You said you'd had Hot Pockets!
Quiet woman: No, I…
Loud woman, interrupting: Yes, you did! You told me you had had Hot Pockets!
Quiet woman: I haven't had Hot Pockets in weeks. Not since Evan*'s parents were in town.
Loud woman: You told me you did just days ago! You lie! Li-ar!
Quiet woman: No, I said the reason I had cake for breakfast is that I *ran out* of Hot Pockets!

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Rose Fox