Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are. –Astor Place Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping. –Broadway & Fulton Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person! –71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
Guidette to friend: Like, I’m a really good friend, y’know, because I like to listen to people. Like, so many people aren’t good friends because they don’t wanna listen, but I listen to people, y’know?
Friend: Really, it’s like–
Guidette, cutting her off: –I know, some people just don’t listen, but I’m such a good friend because I love listening, and I’m a good listener…
–Lexington Ave station
Overheard by: Bridgettttttt
Girl #1: I don’t know what I’m going to do next year. I really want to study abroad.
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m going to this gallery in Queens next week. –NYU elevator Overheard by: Alex Pareene
Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.
–W 13th St
Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?
Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.
Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.
Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.
11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.
Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!
–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but…
–Fort Greene Park
Overheard by: Zoe
Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole.
Overheard by: quite the combo
Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
–1 train, Houston St
Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan
Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!
–Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall
Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit.
–34th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Gunita
Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M.
–Statue of Liberty
Overheard by: SuziQ
Suit: They should just go ahead and make January a month already. Officially, I mean.
–49th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora
Suit on cell: I think the picture for the cover of the annual report should be me and you bent over a table, and John Smith* standing behind us, gloating.
–68th & Broadway
Suit on cell: He’s not hallucinating. He’s just realized that he’s allergic to polyester.
–125th St Metro North platform
Overheard by: Thatsoundsaboutright
Suit on cell: Yeah, he accidentally put his thumb through a two hundred million dollar…
–W 12th & Greenwich Ave
Overheard by: Wang
Suit on cell: No, listen to me! You cannot call that ‘fluff.’ You call that ‘fluff,’ both you and me will go to jail.
Overheard by: Erin
Tall, lanky white suit: And he was all, ‘Jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba…’ Ya know?
–Starbucks, Beaver St
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Suit in rain, splashed by crazy, honking cabbie: Whoa! Fucking lunatic! … Well, at least now you can’t tell I just fucking pissed myself! Asshole!
–67th & Columbus
Overheard by: morgan
Blond chick: I think, like, great artists are always awkward.
Random Indian guy: I'm not awkward.
–Bleecker b/w 6th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: catsandgnomes
Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Student
Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: a note of chocolate?
Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.
–Cooper Union, Astor Place
Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher
Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!
Overheard by: Misshellee
Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.
–Bard High School Early College
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
15-year-old girl #1: Are you talking politics over there? Just shut up!
15-year-old girl #2: Yeah we are–it's all about Obama.
15-year-old girl #1: What is Obama doing for me?
15-year-old girl #2: What is Obama doing for you?! I'll tell you. He's out there, trying to fight for health care to cover all of us. That abortion you need–you shouldn't have to pay for it. That shit should be covered. None of this abstinence shit.
Overheard by: Elana