Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Think They’re All That

Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are. –Astor Place Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping. –Broadway & Fulton Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person! –71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills

Like When You’re Asleep?

Guidette to friend: Like, I’m a really good friend, y’know, because I like to listen to people. Like, so many people aren’t good friends because they don’t wanna listen, but I listen to people, y’know?
Friend: Really, it’s like–
Guidette, cutting her off: –I know, some people just don’t listen, but I’m such a good friend because I love listening, and I’m a good listener…

–Lexington Ave station

Overheard by: Bridgettttttt

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Rainbow Connection

Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.

–W 13th St

Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?

Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.

–4 Train

Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.

–Christopher St

Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.

–Times Square

11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.

–Bronx Playground

Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!

–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

Wednesday-One-Liners Prep for Their Roles in Mean Girls II

Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but…

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Zoe

Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole.

–Union Square

Overheard by: quite the combo

Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
Suit: Yep…

–1 train, Houston St

Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan

Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!

–Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall

Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Gunita

Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M.

–Statue of Liberty

Overheard by: SuziQ

Summer-Weight Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: They should just go ahead and make January a month already. Officially, I mean.

–49th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora

Suit on cell: I think the picture for the cover of the annual report should be me and you bent over a table, and John Smith* standing behind us, gloating.

–68th & Broadway

Suit on cell: He’s not hallucinating. He’s just realized that he’s allergic to polyester.

–125th St Metro North platform

Overheard by: Thatsoundsaboutright

Suit on cell: Yeah, he accidentally put his thumb through a two hundred million dollar…

–W 12th & Greenwich Ave

Overheard by: Wang

Suit on cell: No, listen to me! You cannot call that ‘fluff.’ You call that ‘fluff,’ both you and me will go to jail.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Erin

Tall, lanky white suit: And he was all, ‘Jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba…’ Ya know?

–Starbucks, Beaver St

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Suit in rain, splashed by crazy, honking cabbie: Whoa! Fucking lunatic! … Well, at least now you can’t tell I just fucking pissed myself! Asshole!

–67th & Columbus

Overheard by: morgan

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Student

Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: a note of chocolate?

Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher

Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!

–L Train

Overheard by: Misshellee

Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.

–Bard High School Early College

Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!

–Washington Square Park

Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!

–Naked Lunch, Tribeca

Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!

–E Train

Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…

–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village

Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day

Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.

–W 123rd & 8th Ave

Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.

–Staten Island

If Fox News Writers Scripted a Teen Drama

15-year-old girl #1: Are you talking politics over there? Just shut up!
15-year-old girl #2: Yeah we are–it's all about Obama.
15-year-old girl #1: What is Obama doing for me?
15-year-old girl #2: What is Obama doing for you?! I'll tell you. He's out there, trying to fight for health care to cover all of us. That abortion you need–you shouldn't have to pay for it. That shit should be covered. None of this abstinence shit.

–A Train

Overheard by: Elana