Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category

Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you! –Washington Square Park Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?! –Naked Lunch, Tribeca Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom! –E Train Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot… –The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then. –W 123rd & 8th Ave Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night. –Staten Island

If Fox News Writers Scripted a Teen Drama

15-year-old girl #1: Are you talking politics over there? Just shut up!
15-year-old girl #2: Yeah we are–it's all about Obama.
15-year-old girl #1: What is Obama doing for me?
15-year-old girl #2: What is Obama doing for you?! I'll tell you. He's out there, trying to fight for health care to cover all of us. That abortion you need–you shouldn't have to pay for it. That shit should be covered. None of this abstinence shit. –A Train Overheard by: Elana

Art for Wednesday One-Liner’s Sake

Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art dealer, but I’m like, the least bourgeois person I know. –Smith & Mills (restaurant in Tribeca) Overheard by: the lerpa Little boy to friends: There are are four really big, important artists: Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pistachio. –Impressionism Room, Metropolitan Museum of Art Overheard by: I love Pistachio’s green period Young girl: These paintings smell nice and fresh! –The Met Angry white suburban artist to Jews for Jesus: Stop talking! You are pushing this on me without me asking -that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here -we are all white suburban artists. –Morgan L Stop on Bogart Overheard by: not a hipster Gangsta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Picasso or some shit? –The Met

Anthony Michael Hall: “Can I Borrow Your Wednesday One-Liners for 10 Minutes?”

Professor: They make disposable everything these days. Disposable diapers, disposable razors. They even make edible underwear, don't they? (class is silent) Yes! They do! (pause) Maybe I'm telling you more about myself than I should be… –Wagner College Girl: Wait, my panties! –Franklin St Guy on phone: I told you to take your thong off! –60th & Columbus Man: I do not want to know your bra size! Ever! –Hunter College Overheard by: Christina M. Guy on cell: He wore boxers and it was like, "okay, so you hang to the left…" –W 46th St Older gentleman to lady friend: If this keeps up, I'm going to have to start wearing underwear. –14th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Kat

Professor, Heal Thyself

Professor: In 10 years, I want to have just been released from jail. I lived in a 5×5 cell, but I’m really fit ’cause I learned Pilates. I’m also an expert in the tango. I practiced in jail by myself, of course, but once I find a girl to dance with I’ll be the best tango dancer in the world. I’ll also be able to heal people. –Gallatin School Building, NYU Overheard by: Moonlit

Which Speaker You Find More Annoying Says a Lot About You as a Person

Environmentalist with clipboard: Excuse me, do you have a minute to help save the environment?
Woman in suit: I’m sorry, I already saved the children this morning and then told the Democratic Party to go fuck themselves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the environment today. Maybe tomorrow, hippie. –Broadway & Bond Overheard by: Betty Noir