Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum? –City Hall New York Sports Club Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita! –Union Square Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! –23rd St Overheard by: Ladle 20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r. –R Train 20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better. –Bond St
Asian yuppie: Plus, I wanna know when I'm going to get my share of those statues!
Jewish hipster: Just because you look like the Qin emperor doesn't mean you deserve to get his stuff.
Asian yuppie: Well, if not me, then who? –1 Train
Guy #1: I like her, but her personality is a bit blah…
Guy #2: She has a hot body, though.
Guy #1: Yeah, but you know who else has a hot body?
Guy #2: Me? –University Place
Girl #1: I love masturbating.
Girl #2: Yeah, I totally love touching my vagina! –Sultana Hookah Bar Overheard by: rich
Guy #1: I don't remember how to sleep anymore, and I don't even do drugs. No cocaine, nothing.
Guy #2: (blank stare)
Guy #1: Well enough about me, how do you like my shoes? –7th St & Ave B Overheard by: Peter
Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright. –Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd Overheard by: wax
20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive! –55th & Madison Ave Overheard by: Jesus Jon Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me. –NYU Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god. –NYU Computer Lab Overheard by: meli$$a Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed? –5th Ave & 16th St Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too. –Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave Overheard by: Suze V Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter! –Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab Overheard by: Steve
Girl, scratching her arm: I have a bug bite; it itches.
Guy: You think that's bad? I have a genital wart. –Central Park Overheard by: Fox
Guy to friend: Hey, did you notice that after every time you got on this (points to self) you end up with a boyfriend?
Girl: What? Oh man, you're right! It's like you have a magic pee-pee!
Guy: Yeah. –Penn Station
Waiter: Yeah, that's just because you're obsessed with me.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oh, yeah, right–I'm totally obsessed with you. I went to your Facebook page and downloaded all the pictures of you on there and printed them out and put them up on my wall so I could have a collage.
Waiter: That was oddly specific. –Lounge, Don't Tell Mama Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster