Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category

Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!

Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum? –City Hall New York Sports Club Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita! –Union Square Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! –23rd St Overheard by: Ladle 20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r. –R Train 20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better. –Bond St

…When You Stop Hanging Around With Me

Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright. –Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd Overheard by: wax

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could Marry Themselves

20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive! –55th & Madison Ave Overheard by: Jesus Jon Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me. –NYU Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god. –NYU Computer Lab Overheard by: meli$$a Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed? –5th Ave & 16th St Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too. –Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave Overheard by: Suze V Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter! –Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab Overheard by: Steve

Photo Grade Paper, or Did You Cheap Out on Me?

Waiter: Yeah, that's just because you're obsessed with me.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oh, yeah, right–I'm totally obsessed with you. I went to your Facebook page and downloaded all the pictures of you on there and printed them out and put them up on my wall so I could have a collage.
Waiter: That was oddly specific. –Lounge, Don't Tell Mama Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster