Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category

…Oh– Hi, Mom

Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won't let me on because I'm black!
Black teen: It's not because you black, nigga, it's because you a stupid selfish motherfucka.

–M14 Bus

Overheard by: Student Teacher

Wednesday One-Liners Are Great–Just Ask Them

Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am!

–1st Ave & 2nd St

Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?"

–Downtown E Train

Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good.

–Loews Theater, 34th St

Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends!

–PATH Train

Overheard by: tb

Girl to friends: Hey guys… I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us.

–West Village

Overheard by: Max

Tension Fills the Air at Disney on Ice

Drunken idiot (in last row of Madison Square Garden): You don't understand, I have connections. One phone call and I'm right back in here…
Security guard: I don't care if you wanna call President Bush. You can use my cell phone. If the people in front of you complain again, you're history. Enjoy the show, try not to drink too much.
Drunken idiot to girl who complained: Snitches get stitches!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Lalaith

And Watch Pop-Up Videos

Homeless druggie chick: I'm waaay smarter than you!
Homeless druggie dude: No way, I'm crazy smart and shit.
Homeless druggie chick: Well, I know tons of shit that you don't, like that Manhattan is the only city in America that doesn't have a Main Street, and that mosquitoes have 47 teeth!
Homeless druggie dude (very impressed): Daaamn you are smart! How did you know that?!
Homeless druggie chick: I read Snapple caps, bitch!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kiki

And Thus, the Backwards Cowgirl Was Born

Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that’s why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can’t think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well.

–69th St

Headline by: Moon

Runners-Up:
· “And Yet, You’re Not on Your Knees…” – Katie Darling

· “Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan” – CV
· “Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk” – john
· “Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?” – phox
· “Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed” – engsci
· “Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth” – samson
· “Sally’s Gaydar Works Again!” – Sara Irene
· “Save It for the Next Election, Hillary” – NR
· “What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?” – rudy valahan


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.

–Battery Park Starbucks

30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.

–Chinatown Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.

–Upper East Side