Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Their Neighborhoodies Proudly

Snooty middle-aged woman to gaggle of friends: I don't care about the rest of the city, I only care about my street. –NoHo Overheard by: me too Middle-aged white guy to receptionist: I am glad to be out of the old neighborhood, though. Not that I am prejudiced, but the Hassidim, I just don't like them! –Dentist Office, Carroll Gardens Suit: I mean, he lives on 86th Street. That's just generic land! –L Train Girl (loudly to friends): No, that's Bushwick. We don't want to get off there! It's really shi… (glances around nervously at people who are now looking at her) I had…a shitty… experience in Bushwick. –L Train Overheard by: Rebecca Hipster guy: And look out, cuz Williamsburg's still hood, dude! –23rd St & 8th St Overheard by: alex

…Oh– Hi, Mom

Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won't let me on because I'm black!
Black teen: It's not because you black, nigga, it's because you a stupid selfish motherfucka. –M14 Bus Overheard by: Student Teacher

Wednesday One-Liners Are Great–Just Ask Them

Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am! –1st Ave & 2nd St Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?" –Downtown E Train Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good. –Loews Theater, 34th St Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends! –PATH Train Overheard by: tb Girl to friends: Hey guys… I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us. –West Village Overheard by: Max

Tension Fills the Air at Disney on Ice

Drunken idiot (in last row of Madison Square Garden): You don't understand, I have connections. One phone call and I'm right back in here…
Security guard: I don't care if you wanna call President Bush. You can use my cell phone. If the people in front of you complain again, you're history. Enjoy the show, try not to drink too much.
Drunken idiot to girl who complained: Snitches get stitches! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Lalaith

And Watch Pop-Up Videos

Homeless druggie chick: I'm waaay smarter than you!
Homeless druggie dude: No way, I'm crazy smart and shit.
Homeless druggie chick: Well, I know tons of shit that you don't, like that Manhattan is the only city in America that doesn't have a Main Street, and that mosquitoes have 47 teeth!
Homeless druggie dude (very impressed): Daaamn you are smart! How did you know that?!
Homeless druggie chick: I read Snapple caps, bitch! –Union Square Overheard by: Kiki

And Thus, the Backwards Cowgirl Was Born

Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that’s why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can’t think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well. –69th St Headline by: Moon Runners-Up:
· “And Yet, You’re Not on Your Knees…” – Katie Darling
· “Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan” – CV
· “Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk” – john
· “Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?” – phox
· “Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed” – engsci
· “Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth” – samson
· “Sally’s Gaydar Works Again!” – Sara Irene
· “Save It for the Next Election, Hillary” – NR
· “What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?” – rudy valahan
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls! –Prospect Heights Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor. –1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it. –Battery Park Starbucks 30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin. –14th St & 1st Ave Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder. –Chinatown Bus Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen. –Upper East Side

All the Nerd-Boys in Earshot Had a Simultaneous Moment in Their Pants

Cute nerd-girl playing scrabble #1: Did you see that episode where Data made a daughter? It was so good, and so sad!
Cute nerd-girl playing scrabble #2: Yeah, it was.
Cute nerd #1: And do you remember the episode when the little boy idolized data…
Cute nerd #2 interrupting: I remember all the episodes.
Cute nerd #1: But there was this one scene…
Cute nerd #2: I remember that scene.
Cute nerd #1: But I didn’t finish…
Cute nerd #2: I remember all the scenes. Seriously. There was one time when my friend was flipping channels, and she flipped to Star Trek. And I only saw like, a quarter of a second of it, with Dr Crusher bending over a patient, and I said, “‘his blood is turning to some kind of liquid polymer.'” and then Dr Crusher said, “His blood is turning to some kind of liquid polymer!” It’s like when some people hear like 3 seconds of a song and can identify it. I can do that with Star Trek. –Starbucks, 2nd & 9th