Woman, gesturing angrily at new subway map: Did you see this? Look at this color! It looks like Kuwait! When I draw maps that's the color I use for desert wasteland!
Bystander: Well, it is Queens…
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Archive for the ‘Anger Management’ Category
Not-So-Secret Agent Man
Granola guy with goatee on cell: Agent. (pause, then loudly) Agent! (surrounding pedestrians jump in surprise) Agent! (pause, then very angrily) Agent! (pause, then crosses street against light while cars dodge him) Agent!
–30th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: LK
That's “None Of Your Fucking Business, Cunt” in New Yorker Speak
Guy #1, entering cafe, to tourist holding door: I'm not giving you a fucking tip!
Guy #2, quietly: You're welcome.
(woman comes in, guy #2 holds door again, woman nods politely)
Woman: You're not from round here, are you?
Guy #2, in British accent: Apparently.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Calas
Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct
Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jumana
Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich R.
Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)
–Waverly Place & 5th Ave
Overheard by: steph
Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!
–Humboldt & Withers
Overheard by: francesca
Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.
–Williams St
Overheard by: Sonya
…I Thought Only Monkeys Did That?
Angry man on street: Fuck ass the ball! Fuck ass the ball!
Bystander: Did he just say, “fuck ass the ball?”
–Bed-Stuy
You Could Always Sharpen the CDs and Make Shuriken
Angry suit: I hate Christmas music, man! You use it for three weeks, and then what do you do?
Sympathetic suit: Yeah, it's useless.
–Pizza Spot
Overheard by: Raven
Astoria Itself Is Rather a Slap in the Face
Guy: I didn't realize your true nature till you slapped me in the face.
Girl: Right.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
What's More New York Than That?
Raging hipster: Take back New York!
80-year-old woman: Oooh, shove it.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: sen
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Always Add Up
Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."
–Metro North
Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.
–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art
Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erika
Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Native Ear
Wednesday's Always on the Wrong Side Of the One-Liner
Conductor, as train finally leaves the station after long delay: Listen people, do not hold the doors open! I'm going to send y'all to your room!
–2 Train
Train conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Attention everyone, the doors are stuck and will not be closing anytime soon. Please stand clear of the closing doors.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Conductor: Sir, please remove your head from the closing doors!
–Downtown B Train
Train conductor: Please do not hold the train doors open. I will stop this train and make everyone get off if you keep holding the doors. Then the other passengers will be very mad at you. If you really want to hold the doors open, get a job with the MTA, and then you can hold them open until the cows come home.
–E Train
Overheard by: Ally
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please wait for the doors to completely close before leaning on them. Please do not lean on the doors.
–N Train
Overheard by: erkala
Conductor: This is the 7 train. Get ready to jump off. Easy on, easy off. No one's been holding any doors. Good job, people!
–7 Train
Overheard by: Jeff L.