Bulimic girl #1: I heard of this cleansing diet with lemonade and cayenne pepper.
Bulimic girl #2: Yeah, it gets rid of all the shit in your body.
–Sushi Restaurant
Archive for the ‘Anorexic’ Category
Wow, Your Eyes Are Bigger Than Your Stomach
Trendy female college student: I feel dizzy.
Twinkie male friend: Did you eat anything today?
Trendy female college student: No… but I looked at a picture of an English muffin yesterday and I'm still full.
Twinkie male friend: Hmmm. You're sure you're not hungry?
Trendy female college student: Eh… Can you get me a bagel? Not like a real bagel, but a picture of one?
–V Train
Overheard by: eating disorders arent funny
Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive
Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!
–Hostos Faculty Dining Room
Overheard by: glad she's leaving
Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food
Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…
–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: allison
Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.
–Upper West Side
Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry.
–95th & 2nd
Unless Cocaine and Penises Count
Chubby girl: I need to lose some weight before I go on vacation. What did you eat when you went on your three-day diet?
Anorexic girl: Uh…I didn't.
–Union Square
Today I Swallowed Some of My Own Spit, So I'm Good
Anorexic #1: I didn't not eat for three days, I just didn't really…
Anorexic #2: Eat?
Anorexic #1: Yeah.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: the expeditor
After He Saw on Dr. Phil That Families Should Do Things Together
Young male professional: So your dad’s cool with you not eating?
Young female professional: Yeah, he’s totally fine with it. He’s gonna start next week too.
–Union Square
“So That’s What I Ate for Wednesday One-Liner.”
Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up.
–E. 84th b/w 1st & York
Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs)
Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George…
–M66 Bus
Overheard by: Stephanie
Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking.
–Outside Lombardi’s
Overheard by: Rich
Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me.
–Horus
NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up."
–8th & University
A Wednesday for Breakfast, a One-Liner for Lunch, and a Sensible Dinner
Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?
–Central Park
Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.
–B54 Bus
Overheard by: Alma Molato
Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!
–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!
–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick
Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!
–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th
Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.
–Blockbuster, Broadway
Finally My Friendship with You Begins to Pay Off
Skinny girl: I ate the whole bag.
Fat girl: I know.
Skinny girl: But, like… The whole bag.
Fat girl: I know… If it makes you feel any better, I had fried chicken wings and chocolate cake on Friday.
Skinny girl: … Yeah, that does make me feel better.
–Pratt Institute
They See Themselves As Very-Low-Fat Peaches
Flabby hipster #1: She had that anorexic fuzz on her neck.
Flabby hipster #2: Ew!
Flabby hipster #3: No, that’s bulimic fuzz.
Flabby hipster #1: It’s for both.
Flabby hipster #2: That is gross. You would think that having that fuzz would be some incentive to eat.
–F train