Archive for the ‘Artists’ Category

You Keep Going Back to the Womb

Musician: Oh, so this past tour — you’re gonna laugh.
Friend: Yeah?
Musician: This past tour I went skinny dipping in hotel pools three times. The water’s really warm, and the lights have to be off, but they leave the doors open.
Friend: That is so you. –Manny’s Music Store, 48th & Broadway Overheard by: Spidoodle

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It’s Too Hard Pretending to Be Who I Already Am

Metrosexual: Have you gone to that hair salon I told you about?
Scruffy artist: I walked by…
Metrosexual: It’s beautiful.
Scruffy artist: I can’t go in. It’s too hipster.
Metrosexual: No! It’s anti-hipster.
Scruffy artist: Well, I can’t do the cultural math. –Ft Greene apartment building lobby

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The Same People Who Read Nicholas Sparks?

Poet, selling books: All of these books are signed, and when I go on Oprah, you can sell them on eBay!
Passenger: Let’s hear a poem then!
Poet: You wanna hear a poem? “Neighbor’s dog leaving feces on the sidewalk. Squish! Damn. Luck stinks.”
Old man, mumbling: Who wants to read that kind of bullshit? –6 Train

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Full Frontal Wednesday One-Liners

Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day. –Union Square Overheard by: chris Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked! –12th & Broadway Overheard by: EthanK Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild. –LaGuardia Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights. –41st & 7th

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Art for Wednesday One-Liner’s Sake

Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art dealer, but I’m like, the least bourgeois person I know. –Smith & Mills (restaurant in Tribeca) Overheard by: the lerpa Little boy to friends: There are are four really big, important artists: Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pistachio. –Impressionism Room, Metropolitan Museum of Art Overheard by: I love Pistachio’s green period Young girl: These paintings smell nice and fresh! –The Met Angry white suburban artist to Jews for Jesus: Stop talking! You are pushing this on me without me asking -that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here -we are all white suburban artists. –Morgan L Stop on Bogart Overheard by: not a hipster Gangsta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Picasso or some shit? –The Met

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Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny. –Baruch College Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny! –Riverdale Overheard by: Caitlin Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow! –F Train Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it. –8th St & Broadway Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny. –Williamsburg

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Or We Can See Some Nudity

Poetry slam emcee: Hi, everyone! Wow, what a great turnout…I think you're all Emma's friends. She's first, but we have a great line-up, so please don't leave. Stay!
Emma's friend, sotto voce: Dude, it's a poetry reading, even Emma is leaving unless you give everyone another drink ticket. –Grand Street & Driggs, Brooklyn

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