Asian woman: Well, he's going to die soon enough.
Random woman: You can't wait that long, babe!
–Au Bon Pain
Overheard by: Lucy Lorretta Gambln
Archive for the ‘Asians’ Category
You and Your Obscure Physics Humor
Asian girl: Your hair was so soft when you were a baby, I couldn't put a shirt on you because it would slip off.
Little sister: Haha! (pause) I don't get it.
–R Train
Ms. Zellweger Really Needs to Stop with the Plastic Surgery
(white guy says long phrase in Chinese to Asian girl)
Asian girl, annoyed: I am not even Chinese!
–Brooklyn
Are Your Editors Painfully Uncool for Not Knowing Who That Was?
Girl with coach bag: It's like the Beatles are here (motions with hand) and Flo Rida is here (motions with hand two feet higher)
Asian boy: (stares)
Girl with coach bag: Musical genius!
–St. Mark's Place
Sex, Therapy and Interrogation All Require the Same Skills
Girl: Listen to me!
Asian emo boy: What?
Girl: This is what you need to do with your girlfriend so you can fuck her better!
–Mott Street
At a Certain Point, Ben Stein Just Gets Creepy
Old man to Asian chick carrying Stanford bag: Hey, let me guess–you go to school in California.
Asian chick: Yeah.
Old man: Stanford has more blonde girls than any other school in the country. True story. (wanders off)
–1 Train
…to Satan.
Spunky but pretty black girl: Jesus, I told you. I am married to Jesus.
Crazy Asian man, suddenly noticing a pretty white girl: What about her?
Spunky but pretty black girl: You leave her alone. She's married too.
–4 Train
Um, Don't I Help Pay Your Salary?
Female Asian worker: Wow, so is it free then?
NYPD officer: Nah, it's nine dollars a head, babe. Ain't nothing free in New York, hun, when I come in here you don't give me no free fuckin coffee, do ya?
–Rainbow Cafe, Grand & Essex
Overheard by: mhopkins
We're All a Few Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?
–Union Square
Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again.
–Pinkberry, 32nd St
Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh!
–Union Square
Overheard by: hespeakstruth
Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Katie
Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.
20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."
–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights
Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.
–St. Mark's & 1st
Overheard by: spead
White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich
Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?
–5th Ave & 90th St
30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Brian